Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known

I so understand Audrey’s
latest post. Ever since I can remember, the plan has been married at
25, kids at 30. I am still a few months shy of 23, so I still have two
years to turn things around, but for the next 2 years I am going to be
at uni, and living at home. I’ll still be at my current job, Bestie
will still be on the other side of Australia, so I can’t see that
things will be significantly different.

I’d love to say that my
jewellery will be picked up by someone and become popular, but really
it’s nothing special, nor do I d anything which would lead it it
"getting out there". I sell to my workmates, and that’s it. If I was
serious I could do press releases for the paper, or post samples to b
grade celebrities, but I don’t.

I’d love to think I’ll meet
someone in the next few years, but I doubt it. I work with almost all
women, and the men that work with me are married. I do a course at uni
which is a complete girl-fest, and I don’t really have any ‘general’
friends to hang out with anymore, and the people I could hang out with
are mostly all married or long term involved.

I’d love to say I
am going to get super fit, but I wont. I’ve had a gym membership since
Easter, but have gone about ….eight times. I am thinking of canceling
it, purely because the cancellation fee is going to cost much less than
wasting a membership for another ten months.

Rather than feeling
really pathetic because I am not a Bright young Thing, because I have
not built an orphanage, or bought a house, or traveled extensively or
built my own fashion empire, I am going to try and remind myself why I
am not a waste of skin.

* I am well educated. I may not have a PhD, but six years at uni have thought me some things.
* I am a nice person, I have some very dear friends and people enjoy being in my company.
* I have a good job that pays me quite well to do very little, and works around uni very nicely.
* I have a house to live in, I get along well with my parents, and they don’t mind how long I stick around for.
* I have a nice car which is on a student loan, so being at uni for another two years can really work in my favor

Bestie
is currently working for Legal Aid, she has a dual law degree and works
for the government defending people who can’t afford legal
representation. She is currently in a very happy long term relationship
with a very successful Geologist, who’s one of the nicest guys, and
they have just bought a house together. They have traveled around the
world and plan to do the Mediterranean next year. She’s only 22.

But
I have seen the other side of all this success. She has had to go
through things she doesn’t deserve to deal with, she’s worked her ass
off and put her own goals on hold for her partner so he could get his
foot in the door, career-wise. She’s just about the embodiment of our
highschool dreams, and I couldn’t be more proud of her, but even she
feels useless when hearing about the Bright Young Things.

Maybe the grass is
always greener on the other side. Maybe the Bright Young Things wish
they’d studied another strand of medicine, or done different charity
work or made smarter property investments. Maybe it’s more important to
be happy with what you have, than to be unhappy about what you haven’t
done.

Ok, I know this probably sounds very airy fairy and hippy-ish, but just go with me on this one.

I
have been thinking lately about what I believe in, and what my personal
philosophy is, the whole ‘you need to believe something, or you fall
for everything’ idea. I believe very much in karma and I also believe
that you will receive the things you need and deserve if you just put
it out there. I don’t mean like going around and begging for things or
anything like that, but just thinking about the things or ideas or
thoughts you need to receive and they will come to you.

I’ve
been having a think about friends lately. I have a terrible habit of
never catching up with people. I am not one of those patronizing people
who are all "Oh, we must catch up for coffee" "I’ll definitely call you
later, and we will have dinner" I just accept that I will never follow
up with people. There have been a number of people I have been thinking
about, wondering about whatever happened to them, but having no real
idea how to go back getting back in contact. I actually found someone
on Google and emailed him, and we have exchanged a few emails, but just
today I got two emails from boys I used to work with, one of whom I
have not spoken to in two or so years.

It will be nice to catch
up. (I know it sounds kind of suss that it’s only boys I am catching up
with, to my credit one is gay, one is involved, and the other was also
involved the last I heard, so I am not looking to be a home wrecker, I
just happened to have lots of male friends.)

It feels like ages since I updated, but I have nothing to say. I have
been working and doing not much else, which does not make for very good
blog fodder. I decided to make a list of the things I have done and
thought recently to show why I don’t have a very exciting entry.

*I
love my new shoes from Witchery. I hadn’t been into a Witchery for
ages, but they had a big "Sale" sign in the window, and I was
powerless. I bought a jumper, then I went back and bought the ‘Zoe’
flats, I like them very much, they make me feel trendy.
* I bought
the Matisyahu album "Live at Stubb’s". He’s a Jewish Reggae artist,
which sounds really strange, and I guess it is a bit but I really like
his songs. As someone who is pretty much entirely non-religious I guess
I’m not really his target audience, but I am a sucker for dub reggae
and his songs are just awesome.
* I have been watching a bit of
Martha Stewart, and have been looking on her website. I love Martha,
her website has everything. I was looking at the crafts but I came
across the wedding section. I have found my wedding dress, which is
handy (not) because I won’t be getting married anytime soon. It’s by
Vera Wang, but I probably won’t be buying the Vera version. So my
wedding is pretty much sorted now, just one vital part missing…

Ok,
that’s all I can come up with. I am going to meet a friend for lunch
today, so maybe I will have some hijinx to report back on

Everything is right in the world, exams are over and I’m on holidays.

Right now I have some sweet, sweet Sims 2 ‘University" to play. (Isn’t it incredibly sad that I just finished uni, so now I’m going to spend all holidays playing university, until I go back for real?)

I’ve
decided my next degree is going to be a Bachelor of Business and maybe
something to do with marketing, just for fun. After that, maybe design
or something. I’l probably do business externally, and part time, while
I work a real job.

Whoever dies with the most degrees wins!

Jen(B.A, B.Beh.St, B.Ed (Primary)B.Ed(Early Childhood)
or at least that’s what it would be if I actually finished something.

I need to have a bit of a sulk today, I’m sorry, but it needs to be done.

I
failed my first assignment today. I don’t remember failing anything,
ever, so this is not a good day. I am most upset because I just
passed the first assignment for this subject, and I tried really hard
to make this one better, and I failed. There is almost as many comments
written about what I have done wrong as there are words in the whole
assignment. My tutor may as well have just written "Dear Jen, your assignment is just shitty, everything is wrong, you clearly don’t get it, love Ann XX". It would have been friendlier than all of those comments highlighting exactly how crap I am.

It
a mathematics subject, one of two required for my course. I already
have credit for the second part of it, thank god. I just don’t get how
they want things done. I know the content, I think I can teach maths
fairly effectively, but I just can’t write assignments they way they
want.

I took some of my magic-no-stress drops right before I
went to uni. Good move, normally I would have been mentally compiling
my ‘Reasons not to climb to the top of B Block and end it all’ list
after getting the assignment back, but today I was able to accept the
fact I had done my best, failed, and realized I just have to move on. I
had my exam for that subject today, and because it was pure content, I
think I did ok, well enough to pass at least. If I do a bit better than
just passing, it will hopefully be enough to bring up my marks so I get
a ’4′ and not a ’3′. I have never had a ’3′, and I don’t really want to
start now.

So that’s my little whinge. I had being bad at
things, not to sound arrogant, but I am normally fairly good at the
things I set my mind to, so I don’t like not succeeding. I tried my
hardest, and it’s cliched, but what more could I have done? And what
more can be done now anyways? That subject is all over now.

On a
lighter note, I have been wanting to buy some more beads and I was
thinking about ‘fire polished’ beads. I have always thought that term
was funny, I understand what it means, and the purpose it serves, but
everytime I hear it, I always think of burnt things. "Those sausages
aren’t burnt, no, they are just fire polished sausages" "Burnt cake,
heavens! It’s a chocolate mudcake with a fire polished crust". I am
going to adopt the term I think, I am quite good at ‘fire polishing’
the things I cook, and now it makes it sound fancy

I also got
myself a Life Coach. My friend at work who is just the nicest guy in
the universe, and incredibly well off and successful, offered to be my
life coach. He was unhappy when he asked what my goals for my life
are,and I said "surviving the next 18 months", so he’s going to get to
get me balanced and set for success. From what he has told me about his
past he clearly knows what he is talking about and I value his advice.
It will be interesting to see what happens.

I finished my last assignment of the semester this morning, weeee! It
was a shit, but now it’s done, thank goodness. I really think it was
alright, I hope I don’t fail. I never used to be concerned with
failing, but since I came close to it with two assignments during mid
semester assessment time, I have become a bit superstitious. Hopefully
it was just a wake up call, because I definitely woke up to some things
and have tried to make some positive changes to my study habits. It’s
not all so bad though, after 6 years of doing anything you are bound to
slack off a bit, but I woke up and I’m back on track.

After I
dropped my assignment in at uni, I went to the shops for a bit. I am
really liking long sleeve tshirts at the moment but I only have one,
which presents a bit of a problem. Do you know how difficult it is to
find a nice, plain t shirts these days? Who wants a 3/4 t shirt at the
moment, certainly not me, I want 4/4 of my arms to be warm. I ended up
buying a stripy white and beige colored jumper and a pair of beige work
pants. I tried them on together and it’s very much a retiree combo, I
think it’s the beige on beige but I really quite like both of them. I’m
working with the 100% love theory of shopping I read from Claire’s
blog, and it makes things much easier. I don’t buy stuff I only half
like, or will like in the future when I loose weight/have longer
hair/become more stylish/alternative/get some other clothes which go
with it, and just buy stuff I really love, just the way it is, right at
this moment. I bought some Gucci sunnies online on the weekend, I tried
them on a few times, and I really loved them but $320 is too much for
sunnies. I got them for $167, not on eBay, and they are genuine and
everything. So rather than buy 5 pairs of $40 sunnies I only kind of
like, I figured 1 expensive pair I just love is better.

I very
almost got acrylic nails today, I’ve had them before (three times) and
each time I last 2 weeks and have them taken off. I really love the
neat, tidy, shiny, french manicured look, but I hate having
big…things stuck on the tips of my fingers, so I didn’t go through
with it. I might go for a french polish tomorrow at my local nail
place, I just want to have pretty hands, it makes me feel important.

I
am going to try to go back to the gym tomorrow or Friday. I feel like I
have put on about 15kg by having one week off the gym. Strange,
considering I didn’t go for six months, but maybe it proves I am
benefiting from my gym work if I miss going.

Goodness Me, it is FREAKING cold!

I am probably colder than
normal as I have been to the airport this arvo (picking up, not
departing) and it’s always ten times colder at the airport than
anywhere else. I am such a cold fish, I am going to need a jacket this
winter. I have never owned a jacket, I don’t suit them, but I will die
if I don’t have one this winter.

I am actually making progress
on this assessment. My latest technique is to break the essay down into
paragraphs, then make a note of how many words I’ll need to do for each
bit. Looking at a 3000 word essay as like 8 sections makes it all seem
so much more…achievable. Turns out that all these "study skills" they
try and peddle through out Highschool and uni are actually a good idea,
who knew?

Off to assignment land again. I am going out for lunch
tomorrow, and I’d really like this to be finish by tomorrow arvo so I
best not stuff around.

God! This assignment is SO hard to write. It’s only 1000 words which
can be a generous sentence once I get into an assignment, and it’s for
a first year subject I only went to for five weeks before prac.

At
this point in the semester, I do not CARE about oral language being the
foundation of early literacy, nor do I can about developing literacy
partnerships between home and school. Just to make it entirely
irrelevant, we have to make a 6 -8 side Powerpoint presentation, and in
the notes we type 500 words justifying each literacy practice, but it’s
not actually notes to accompany the slides, it’s just a mini essay.
Does this seem stupid to anyone else? Why can we make a Powerpoint
presentation AND write an essay, why jam it into the notes section.
It’s the least difficult assignment I have had this semester but it’s
just shitting me.

So in protest of this stupid assessment I have
updated my blog. I took away the emo "Sigh…" title thing (for the
record, it came with the layout, I’m really not so melancholy) and
adjusted my links.

right now I am going to go and make lunch,
which I don’t want to do because this assignment is PISSING ME OFF,
then go torment myself with it some more. I really wanted to just do it
today so I can have a free day tomorrow to prepare myself for the harsh
reality of going back to work on Thursday.

Rah!!!!

I am inspired to write about happiness after reading Better Than Cheesecake’s
entry about ‘The Happiness Handbook’. /she has made some lists about
the things she is grateful for, and I think it’s important for people
to think about it. I posted my list in her comments, but I will
elaborate on it here.

1. Annual Leave – even though I have
whined about my job, I am thankful I have a job which allows me to take
time off when I need it. I am also very fortunate that I have the
financial standing that I can afford to take 5.5 weeks off work, most
of which without pay, and not be in financial ruin.

2. My
parents – for saving me from financial ruin. I’d like to think I
haven’t been too much more of my normal burden whilst I’ve been without
income, but they have ensured I have not had to turn to prostitution,
and for that I am grateful.

3. My Bestie – The best friend one
could ask for. Even though she now lives on the other side of
Australia, she still the first person I turn to when I need help. She’s
talked me off many a ledge and I am so grateful for her.

4.
Being physically able – This is something I think about often. I am so
thankful for the fact I am physically able to move around, do things
for myself, exercise etc. I think a lot of people take for granted this
ability, but I know I would be completely lost without my ability to
move independently.

5. My nice warm bed to sleep in – Another
thing I think too many people take for granted. I am so lucky I have a
safe, secure home to live in, my own space and belongings, and things
which make me comfortable and warm at home. I am also very lucky that
we can afford to secure and insure our home in case anything was to
happen.

If you want to make your own list, you should, or you could go and visit Better Than Cheesecake and tell her in her comments.

I am REALLY not looking forward to going back to work, if anyone knows
how I can stay at home and earn money without being 1) arrested or 2)
morally compromised, let me know. The thought of going back to wearing
office clothes, slumming it with the rest of the cattle on a council
bus at peak hour, sitting at a desk on the phone listening to people
whinge about stuff, and doing it all in reverse in the afternoon is not
an exciting prospect. Paired with the huge amount of mismanagement and
office politics happening when I left (and is sure not to end any time
soon) it becomes just that bit more unbearable.

I haven’t done
anything else good lately, lots of assignments, a bit of sewing, bought
some beads, but can’t make anything due to lack of seed beads, so in
short, I suck.

You know what else sucks? Myspace. Don’t sign up,
it’s like high school, but world wide. It’s not even a personal profile
but I still check to see if anyone has befriended me, it’s addictive.

I decided to do a survey because I have nothing good to say:

1) Who is the last person you high-fived?
No idea, not much of a high fiver.
2) If you were drafted into a war, would you survive.
Not a chance, I’d just cry myself to death cause I’m such sissy.
3) Do you sleep with the TV on?
No, it’s too bright and noisy
4) Have you ever drunk milk straight out of the carton?
I don’t think so, the milk smell would freak me out too much
5) Have you ever won a spelling bee?
I don’t think I’ve ever participated
6) Have you ever been stung by a bee?
Not a bee, but a wasp.
7) How fast can you type?
Not that fast, I’m a 2 finger typer, but I have quite a quick technique.
Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes
9) Eye color:
Greenish Hazel.
10) Have you ever made out at a drive-in?
I’ve never been to a drive-in.
11) When was the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
I had a spa when I was on holiday in January, that’s been my latest bath type experience.
12) Do you knock on wood?
All the time.
13) Do you floss daily?
No.
15) Can you hula hoop?
I did a bit of hula hooping on prac, I’ve still got it
16) Are you good at keeping secrets?
Depends how juicy they are.
17) What do you want for Christmas?
$$$, so I can drink lots when I visit my Bestie in Jan.
18) Do you know the Muffin Man?
Who lives down Drury Lane?
19) Do you talk in your sleep?
I don’t think so.
20) Who wrote the book of love?
Surely not me, mine would be more like the book of suckers who make poor decisions.
21) Have you ever flown a kite?
Yes, a fish kite.
22) Do you wish on your fallen lashes?
No, I never got that, I just don’t find body hair particularly mystic.
23) Do you consider yourself successful?
I’m the only person I know still living at home and studying full time, you can guess how I feel.
24) How many people are on your contact list of your cell?
A fair few, but I don’t speak to 80% of them anymore.
25) Have you ever asked for a pony?
No, I hate horses.
26) Plans for tomorrow?
Drive to uni to photocopy something, hand in an assignment, go to the gym,…sit around.
27) Can you juggle?
No, I am wickled uncoordinated.
28) Missing someone now?
Bestie.
29) When was the last time you told someone "I love you"?
Ummm, not for a while?
30) And truly meant it?
Shrug.
31) How often do you drink?
Very rarely, I prefer to drink with company.
32) How are you feeling today?
Alright-ish, I felt super last night though.
33) What do you say too much?
"I’m so going to (insert half assed plan here)"
34) Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
Not even a detention!
35) What are you looking forward to?
Visiting
Bestie, graduating, being fitter, my birthday, going to Melbourne,
getting a new camera, uni holidays, buying more beads
36) Have you ever crawled through a window?
I am not sure? Probably.
37) Have you ever eaten dog food?
No.
38) Can you handle the truth?
No, but I’d be super cheesed if someone lied to me instead.
39) Do you like green eggs and ham?
I hate ham, and I’m not sure if I’d eat green eggs.
40) Any cool scars?
I have a really tough scar on my arm, it looks like a bar fight wound (but it’s really just a giant cat scratch)

If you read my blog, you are tagged, Sucker.