Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known

I went another another lady date today, well, I suppose it could even count as two lady dates. It has confirmed that I prefer lady dates to boy dates and has made me wonder why I bother pursuing boys when girls are way better…interesting and confusing, all at once.

I met my lovely Jac for lunch today. Considering we only ever refer to each other as "uni friends" should anyone ask how we know each other I thought it was fitting that we actually see each other on campus on of these days. She had lunch with my uni girls, then we moved onto the bar (I am nothing if not predictable). We all had a drink, then my friends decided to puss out and go to their lecture leaving Jac and I at the bar. My wife (SN) told me to stay on campus and wait for her to finish her lecture so we could go on our lady date, so I took it very literally and Jac and I sat in the bar for about three hours. Good times, we just sat on dirty couches and chatted for the whole time, it was good. We both had Jagerbombs (in the ladies way, on ice and sipped slowly). I’d never had it before, it was nicer than I expected. Bestie has a story about the last (and only) time I drank spirits with Red Bull, so it’s a good thing she wasn’t around today. I also had wine and a Cruiser.

Thankfully my wife was driving on our lady date so it was alright I was fairly drunk. We bid farewell to Jac and went with Y another uni friends to see The Simpsons Movie and have dinner. I thought the movie was pretty good, I’d heard that it was a bit rubbish and really short but I found it to be very watchable and normal movie length. It was good. We had dinner at Ahmet’s, I think I might be over the Meze Platter because I didn’t love it as much as I usually do, I think it was a little reheated or something because I can still taste room temperature roasted capsicum and rice…which is not fantastic. I might feel like throwing up a touch, but hopefully it’s just from the drinks.

So that’s my day, two lovely lady dates with three lovely ladies.

I am so, so tired right now. I expected to go to uni, come home about 1pm then head out again about 4pm. There has been much too much drinks excitement today. My skin has gone to shit and I reckon it’s because I have been drinking and I haven’t been for ages, I also started using a tinted moisturizer instead of mineral makeup when my nose was running constantly and all flaky. Must be time to switch make up back again…and consider drinking less, its best not to do anything irrational though, I don’t want a knee jerk reaction or anything

Do you know what time I got home last night?! (I hope not, because it would mean that you’ve been following me, and that’s not at all funny or exciting)

Just before 1am, on a school night!

I went to SN’s last night to watch Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion and Grey’s and to have dinner and hang out. V from uni came as did K who I met putt putting last week. How could anyone not like Romy and Michelle’s I think it’s such a cute movie! SN made an awesome dinner which rates just below BP’s Mum’s roast veggies and fetta sauce, but only slightly, and this dinner also had fetta, which seems to be my magic ingredient. I hated fetta passionately until I went to Perth and Bestie forced me to try Danish fetta, which is quite nice. Fetta is much smarter than me, so I’ve never bought it because I don’t know how to use it in cooking (or know how to cook, but that’s a side matter) but I rather like Danish fetta. When we were eating I asked SN if it was Danish fetta and she said "Of course", so I suggested we should just get married because we are obviously a clear match and she agreed. K also bought some of my button jewellery (I don’t have very much at the moment because I am having trouble sourcing my earring blanks) but she found some things she liked, how exciting! She also asked if I could put a kit together, if I was interested, and she’d have her friends over because she’s sure they’d want to buy it and Deb mentioned her hairdresser would be interested in consignment. This is easily the most successful I’ve ever been with a venture, I really should sort out the official business side of things (particularly if Kate still wants to give me some help with it all!) maybe it will go somewhere after all? Madness!

After Grey’s finished everyone left to go home, we walked K to her car (across the street), then V to her car (also across the street) then I was going to go and I had the keys in and it turned on my stereo and the Spazzy’s were on, so SN and I started to chat about them, then kept chatting, then chatted a bit more. Right on midnight (keeping in mind I went to leave at 10:30pm) I went to start my car and….no dice. As we’d previously discussed that night, I am a control freak and I don’t love it when things don’t go the way I want them to (e.g. I wanted my car to start, it didn’t want to). So I freak out, as I do, and SN said she would fix it and used some leads and her car to make mine go again. I was am hugely impressed. I was going to call RACQ and have them do their thing, but she knew what to do and fixed it, that’s so clever! Turns out standing around chatting with the door open and the radio on is a bad idea should you actually want to use your car for driving.

I was saying to SN last night that I can’t be bothered at the moment to meet anyone and have to learn their birthday and middle name and meet their parents because I just am so over it all. I said something about Bestie and she asked what her middle name is, turns out they have that name in common also (creepy!). I said something about my star sign, and I knew SN’s because we talked about it last weekend (her birthday is the day before The Ex, except a different year, creepy again!), and then she said "So when am I meeting your parents? You know my middle name and my birthday and you just met my Mum". Touche. Maybe I would prefer a wife? It seems like a terrible lot more fun than having a husband. Girls are lovely, plus anyone who likes haloumi, Grey’s, small dogs, Danish fetta, The Spazzys, Patience, the 80s, Pimms, and so many more things as much as I do would have to be a good wife. I could never expect a boy to like all of those things, nor would I really want a boy like that, because he’d be annoying because he’d be too girly.  I think I could very easily live in a little girl bubble forever, boys just ruin things.

I also told SN about my blog, I told her that Jac will be lunching with us tomorrow at uni and she said "So, how do you know Jac?". Hmmm, that questions again. I asked if she spends much time online (to gauge whether she’d have heard about blogs) and she said "OMG, did you meet a girl on the Internet?" So I said yes and no, and explained what I do and how it wasn’t like online dating or anything. She’s not a person who spends much time online, but it completely open minded and understanding so I tried to explain it, she didn’t ask to read me, I’d link her if she does but I wouldn’t force anyone to read me, after I (tried to) explained myself she said "So… you met a girl on the internet, good work Jen!".  It was funny, maybe you had to be there.

I had to wake up at 6:30am this morning to get to uni by 9am. It was a tute and I wasn’t looking forward to it but it really was pretty good and I like the tutor so that’s always cool. Seeing as I got like  five hours sleep last night I have that burning feeling in my eyes and would rather like a Nanna  nap but Miss B will come soonish so I don’t have time. Speaking of Nannas, I butted heads with D’Nanny yesterday and I’m pretty certain she’s cheesed at me now which will make D’Brother even more of the golden haired child, but I am not a bit sorry for doing it and I’d do it again in a second, but that’s another story for another time.

• I am realizing I say "dude" a lot these days. I always said "dude" a lot in my mind, but it never translated to what I actually say, but now there are many "dude"’s slipping in, combined with my love of "awesome", I fear I am becoming a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. If I develop an affinity with numchucks, grow a shell and start hanging out with a giant, talking rat, save me….please.

• Hands up, who thinks that after a unit at uni has been assessed and the semester is finished that that particular subject is over? Well, no, you’d be wrong. One subject is hanging around like a bad smell, it’s the one I was in a big group for and it’s becoming a bit petty and it feels like it’s getting to an "us against them" type situation. I’m over it. I went into uni to work on it today but the only person who knew how do to what we needed to do didn’t come, then the tech support person who could teach us wasn’t on campus, so it was essentially a waste of time. Good, fantastic.

• I watched some video taken of me this morning and didn’t want to die. It may not sound exciting but even just a year ago, seeing myself on film would have made me want to kill myself or at least send me spiraling into the pits of depression. I am slowly getting used to seeing myself in photos, but video I was really nervous about. I actually liked some of it. I don’t know if I have become slightly better looking or just finally stopped hating myself so whole heartedly and I look better because of that, but whatever it is, it makes me very pleased. My voice sounds so different to how it sounds in my head, I rather like the sound of my own voice on tape (conceited much?) Maybe there is hope for a career in television yet! Or maybe just YouTube (and not so much a career but a video clip of me doing something embarrassing or being drunk…or maybe both…?)

• I am thinking I might do a week long birthday celebration this year, which seems slightly odd as I refuse to acknowledge my chronological age this birthday, but I will have numerous interstate guests (ninja, rockstar and my Best) and I’m not sure whether or not everyone’s dates will sync up, so why not have two birthdays on the weekends that straddle my real birthday so I can eat, drink and be merry silly with my friends. Posse, you’re booked for both weekends, as will my uni friends (not that they know, nor do I know if all of them like me enough to want to celebrate my birthday. I hope for SN, K and V, they are cool).

• I am also considering extending a blog invitation to them. Yes…this is the Internets and anyone can read me, but I’ve finally embraced I’m hard to find and it would be highly unlikely for someone to stumble across me, but it’s still a big deal. These would be the first people I have been friends with in person first, then invited to my blog, other than Bestie. I sort of feel like I have "I blog, come read about every minuscule detail of me on the Internets!!" written on my forehead, but of course no one could know I blog, I’d never, ever mention it in conversation, not because it’s a bad thing, more that this blog is very, very much an extension of me and I don’t want everyone to know me well, that’s boring and I much prefer to be mysterious…or at least feel mysterious…or even just a bit sneaky. Today SN texted me saying "Ooooh, I love how nasty you can be", I still don’t understand where people get the idea I’m all sunshine and pudding (and she doesn’t even know me as DelightfulJen, so I must have tricked her on personality alone).

• Steph, don’t read this one. Last night I had a dream that BP bought Bestie and engagement ring, which sounds lovely, but this was like tin colored and had four nondescript diamond which were covered by this metal cap, so you could open it, look at the diamonds, and clip it back down. Yesterday at uni I was looking at a couple of girl’s engagement rings in my tute and talking about weddings, so I assume that wove it’s way into my dream and I remember Bestie saying she doesn’t want to wear her ring to work when she gets it because of her clients, so BP being Mr Practical designed one so the diamonds can be covered and she can wear it always . Nice idea in theory I suppose? It was seriously the ugliest ring in the world, I’d kind of love to see Bestie’s face if this ring did exist and was presented to her!

• I watched Dirty Dancing, Sixteen Candles and Footloose in the last couple of days. I rather liked Dirty Dancing (and have taken to leaping around the house, like she does when she does the lift) and I finally know what "Nobody puts Baby in the corner" and "I carried a watermelon" actually refers to (an actual corner and an actual watermelon , for those who haven’t seen it). Sixteen Candles was almost annoying, I don’t love Molly Ringwald (sorry M-Unit!) and just found it sort of painful. I didn’t like Footloose as much as I wanted to, it was alright, Kevin Bacon is a bit too…creepy, don’t you think? He’s just so…small. The music was good though, and I have some tough dance moves to pull out should I require them.

• Miss B came over this arvo to pay me for her tutoring. I was wearing jeans and a baggy jumper and when I opened the door the first thing she told me was "You look pretty today!". She’s never said it before, so she’s not one of those kids who just pulls that card all the time, but I felt like a bit of a beast today and she said it so sincerely. *Mush* Who wouldn’t want to work with kids?

• I smell good enough to eat! I am wearing "White Musk" perfume from the Body Shop, I’ve loved the smell of this since Primary School. I haven’t worn if for years but I decided to this morning and I’ve fallen in love with myself because of it. Mmmmmm.

• Father of The Bride 2 is on now! I have seen this about 394,743,697,304,597 times but I love it, and I don’t know why, so  I’m going to go watch it again.

Has anyone watched The Ellen DeGeneres Show before? I used to watch it a while ago, but she dances every single time and I just assumed we’d not see eye to eye from that point on and didn’t really make an effort to watch her anymore (despite the fact she’s funny and has cool people on her show, she danced…yeah, some people don’t agree with it all because she likes the ladies, I’m down with that, but didn’t love the dancing) but now that I am learning to slowly accept the dance. So maybe all those torturous semesters at uni having to do some sort of dancing (or worse, movement) has finally worn me down and I’m trying to love or just like the dance. Anyways, I watched Ellen the other day, and she danced, and I didn’t hate her for it and then she talked about her love of cocktails that she had while on holiday. Dude, Ellen wins at impressing me. Anyone who has love for cocktails is going to get love from me, I’m super hard to impress…obviously.

Today I had my four hour seminar. It’s with a tutor who insisted she knew me last time I had her, despite the fact we’d never met, then this semester when she does know me, she said nothing. She loves Myers Briggs though and is a trained Myers-Briggs ninja (this may not be the correct term). It’s a massive subject, it’s about management which is stupidly interesting because I freaking love anything to do with business but not enough to study it. We get to do an entire marketing plan which is going to be fantastic. I’m excited for the subject but it’s going to be a massive amount of work so it’s not all fun. I also found out that a 5.5 GPA means you get second class honors, let’s be honest, I’ve never, ever going to end up with first class honors, but if I managed to get some 6′s this semester I might have a fighting chance at  second class, I sort of wish I found this out last semester, I was 2% off a 6 in two subjects! I could have done it with relative ease then, I might even need to pull a 7 this semester, which would be extremely unlikely. Not to worry…

We did the Myers-Briggs test in our session today and we find out the results next week, I take being an INFJ very seriously, if I’ve changed types I won’t cope well. I know I am absolutely certainly an Introvert, I’m not as bad as I used to be, but I’ll never love crowds and big parties (which is why I loathe the Valley, I feel like there is no place to hide, I feel like you have to be out and social everywhere there) and I’m very much for Judging in the sense I love order, routines and knowing precisely what is happening at all times. Other may see this as me being a crazy, anal, obsessive compulsive, psycho person but I prefer it just being called a preference of judging! I’m fairly set on the Feeling as opposed to the Thinking, I can’t make a decision if it’s totally against popular opinion or if it would upset someone else or if it would go against what I believe and hold dear. I think after reading about ISFJ it’s very possible that I could sit on the fence between that and INFJ. ISFJ‘s remember tiny, insignificant details (such as a facial expression from someone or an exact conversation) forever if it’s meaningful to them and can form negative opinions about someone that will stew inside until it’s impossible for them to change, plus the stuff about having a strong sense of responsibility and duty and strongly disliking conflict. On the other hand, INFJ is very much a perfect fit with the very strong reliance on gut feelings, placing great importance on order, very strong values, stubbornness and ignoring other people’s opinions when I know I’m right, perfectionist, rarely at peace with everything, getting caught on the finer details and forgetting the big picture, I could go on but I won’t.

It’s very possible I’ll need to know someone’s Myers-Briggs score when I go out with them, I just find it such an amazing test and I really do believe it quite whole heartedly. My tutor said I should marry an NT, they are always massively successful in their chosen careers but won’t want to look after the kids. Perfect, I love money and hate having someone tell me what to do, sweet I’d very happily be one of those wives with an important husband who’s often busy, I could become a true lady of leisure and still have my lady dates and someone else can finance them, hurrah!

I’ll stop being a nerd now…

Yesterday was a day of firsts, not necessarily all first evers but more first in ages.

• First time in ten or so years I played mini golf
• First time I drank Corona in about seven years
• First time I drank rum and coke in about seven years
• First time I played mini golf drunk
• First time I got three holes-in-one (while being quite drunk)
• First time I had champagne with strawberries
• First time I caught a train in the last three years
• First time I went "out" in the Valley in five or so years
• First time I went to the Press Club
• First time I’ve ever successfully been trashed, sobered up and then kept drinking.

I think anytime I wake up hoarse is an indication that it was a good time. Not being I was shouting last night, I just seem to go hoarse when I’ve been powering down the drinks, it’s like my throat lining gets stripped off. I also rather like the cotton wool in your ears feeling after you’ve been someplace loud, I enjoy being able to feel the music.

Mini golf was fantastic. I had two Pimms and half a Corona (my first sign that last night was going to be something very out of the ordinary for me) before we started, then two rum and coke cans while we were playing. I sucked fairly hard for the first few holes but I might much better towards the end. I was putting with one hand, with my handbag in the crook of that elbow holding a drink in my other hand. I got two holes in one that way, then when I was too drunk to putt I just threw the ball down the green and got a hole in one. Score!

After golf myself and other girl I only met that day went back to Same Name’s (SN) house. WE had some pink champagne and talked for a bit while SN got ready to go out. By that time I’d mixed Pimms, beer, rum and pink champagne and my head felt like it was going to split open and tip brains everywhere, I was also quite drunk. I decided to try drinking water and had a panadol and over the course of the train ride back into the city and a bit of a walk in the fresh air I was good to go. We ate at Jojo’s, drank cheap daiquiris in the casino and then decided to go into the Valley (after I poo pah’d the Vic [the horror!]). I must have been trashed again because I paid $17 (happily) for a Long Island Iced Tea, it was really nice and a huge one which is fairly rare these days. We all decided to call it a night just after midnight. I really don’t love the Valley, I feel extremely awkward there, even during the day. I am too old or too uncool or something. There are so many young kids that go out there, and they wear summer dresses at night in the middle of winter. I need to suss out some place that old people can go, I feel way to out of the loop to chill with the kids.

I gave SN a pair of my button earrings because she liked mine, she put them on immediately and kept going on all night about how much she likes them and how clever I am. That’s what it’s all about, it’s what keeps me in the game, if people stopped really loving the stuff I make I don’t think I could do it anymore. I’m all for spreading the love. I have a fair suspicion that if the soul mate thing is true, SN is probably mine. She knows who The Spazzys are and likes Paco Doesn’t Love Me, she loves haloumi, watches Grey’s and Izzy is her favourite, drinks Pimms, know who Patience Hodgeson is and wants to be her like I do and so many other things. Most of the time when I see her one of us will say "Do you like…" , so far we have only disagreed about drinking beer, carrying handbags and using worksheets in the classroom. It’s a major shame she isn’t a boy, though she does fancy girls so if this whole straight business doesn’t work out, I have may have options on the other side of the fence. Very good to know…

I am so pumped to get my Etsy shop rolling but this light box is making me insane. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to obtain a regular old cardboard box?! Very difficult. Normally we have a box kicking around from something that has been delivered in the mail or something that we’ve bought that comes in a box but nothing! I went to Aldi because they always have free boxes and they have none! I was going to make my own box and went to buy some white tissue paper but the newsagent had none of that either. Foiled at every turn.  This week I shall obtain a single box and some sheets of white tissue paper if it  kills me. I am gunning to get my button stuff listed on Etsy , I’m really in love with it at the moment and it’s had a massive reaction from almost everyone I know. All the other girls requested a pair of button earrings when I gave SN hers, the girl I hadn’t met before had even heard about me from SN because of the button earrings I wore myself. I have a good feeling about it.

Despite the fact I have obtain my vicious cold back (it was actually quite cold last night and being drunk and not feeling how cold it was (or dressing for it) was probably not a fantastic idea I am still all good. The semester officially starts tomorrow (though my tute is canceled, yay!) and I’m pretty keen for it to start, I am going to enjoy my last proper semester at uni…as soon as I get around to buying text books that is.

• I have an itchy eye. It’s very annoying…and itchy.

• I need some new shoes, one pair that I’ve worn a few times before bit me so bad on the weekend the top of one toe that it drew blood and another pair I got in Melbs I have trashed already and the sole lining is coming apart so I get a bunch of shoe lining when I walk under my toes (they are slip on, so your toes have to like grip on while you walk to feet the shoe one [because they are sort of wide shoes and my feet are skinny but I refuse to let this come in between me and shoes I like]). Plus they are getting juicy and I believe they are starting to smell, but that might be just my OCD about smells and germs

• I am in a really weird mood and may not blog for a few days, I am sort of over the Internets for the moment. I’ve always wanted good friends at uni to hang out with outside of uni and to hang around with during the week at uni. When I was at UQ I had a little group and it was possibly the best uni year of my life, it was so much fun to turn up to uni (almost every day, actually) and I had some other friends to do things on weekends with sometimes. I’ve wanted it  to be like that again for ages but when I changed to QUT I made friends but they were mostly really into uni and study, which is fine, but I prefer a much more chilled approach to study. Since I changed courses to EC, because my subjects are all out of order I’ve never had any friends doing the same thing so I normally only got to see people for an hour or so once a week which makes it hard to cultivate proper friendships. Las semester, and more so this semester I’ve developed a little group and one girl in particular (Same Name) I think is just awesome! It’s been so much fun this week, we have been to the uni bar (something I always wanted to do, but never had anyone to go with), have plans for the weekend and have even talked about going to the uni ball. I even met a boy, a single boy! I haven’t met a new single boy in months, possibly years!

• I feel like changes are afoot. Everything just has a weird energy at the moment. I am aware it is a very hippy thing to say, but I don’t have any other words to describe it. I just feel like something big is going to happen, to me, it’s not like the world will end or anything, don’t panic. I’ve had this feeling before, but never this strong, plus I’d had tonnes of dreams about being pregnant and giving birth, while is meant to be another sign new things are happening. I’m quite excited.

• I have a strangely desperate urge to be a parent at the moment (no, that won’t be my big thing, there are no activities currently taking place that result in babies, nor do I see that changing in the near future). I don’t want to give birth or be pregnant, I want to adopt but I want my Lady Bird. I want to teach her things and shape her to be a wonderful person and a true pleasure to be around. I know I would have a spectacular child, I have realized I am rather good at shaping young minds so I’d really love my very own wee mind to shape. I have a ache in my heart for a wee one, not one I make, but one that need a Mummy person to love them, I could totally do that. Dear God, I think that makes me clucky!? Maybe I should buy a wee dog…

• I think it might just be a love explosion. I have no idea why, but I need to love something or someone. Obviously, I have parents and friends and pets to love, but I think I might need the knock-the-breath-out-of-you sort of love, the butterflies-in-my-tummy love. It has been a terribly long time, hopefully this will be the change that is afoot.

• Plumbing problems are back. I’m not prepared to have more tests, I think I have lost faith in Doctors. I always thought they know everything, I also had a very sincere faith that if I was sick of otherwise broken that a Doctor would be the person to fix it but Lady Doctor has left me quite disenchanted. I don’t want to go and have more tests for someone not to fix me, it’s much easier to pretend everything is normal and fine and just hope it goes away. I might try acupuncture one day, and I read in the paper that yoga five times a week helped women with PMS, maybe it would be a blanket fix for all lady worries. Worth a try I suppose?

Uni was really quite awesome today. I am in a group with a couple of girls I know from the hospital work I did last semester, plus one I’ve done a subject with before, plus two more I didn’t know but everyone is awesome and really cruisey which is fantastic. We went to a cafe for lunch and I had a wine and my friend had a beer and then we had to run up this big hill because we were late for our next session and I felt like yakking, but it was all good.

The only assessment for this subject is a three day conference and a 600 word report. Sweet, I know. Plus they give us free stuff tomorrow and the chance to win a holiday, double sweet! I am used to not knowing anyone from semester to semester as I do my subjects out of order because I changed courses so it’s incredibly exciting to know some girls for a whole year, plus one girl that I get on really well with (and, interestingly, shares the same name as Bestie) is awesome. We pissed around for two thirds of today, not listening to lectures and drinking at lunch time, I loved it! I am busting to go to uni tomorrow so I can hang out with these fun girls some more, I haven’t been desperate to go to uni and see people in years! It’s a shame they all graduate at the end of the year, but not to worry Same Name girl is going to London, so maybe I’ll see her there?

There was a lady with a baby fetus at uni today, it was only two weeks old and still all crunched up like it should be inside someone. Very terrifying. My ovaries ache terribly now (like actually), I think they might be trying to curl up and die. I don’t love babies. I like babies when they are much closer to the toddler end than the newborn end. Any tiny idea I was entertaining of actually being pregnant and carrying a baby has again been shot to hell. I want to adopt, I know that for certain and nothing I’ve heard or read about so far has discouraged me (I know about the conditions, and cost, and time frames) but this whole giving birth business just seems like a terrible idea to me. Seeing Knocked Up did not help on the whole birth thing, see it and you’ll understand.

On the weekend I got the Mika album "Life in Cartoon Motion". I’ve realized I like boys who sing like girls, like Mika, Jake Shears from The Scissor Sisters and Justin Hawkins from The Darkness. I think because they are much easier to sing along to, and I am now at the point that I can’t listen to anything in the car that I can’t sing to. I love singing so much! One day I might grow a set and actually sing in front of people, but until then, I’ll continue to adore driving alone.

I am the biggest drama queen ever. I’d like to think I’m hard to pick as a drama queen as I’m not particularly loud in person, nor am I really outgoing or a "big" personality, but I am a big drama queen.

Right now, the big worry I have rolling around in my subconscious is going to London at the end of next year. Yes, it’s over a year away but as a confirmed worry wart it’s never too early to start being phsyically ill freaking out about something. I should mention something, in London, I am expecting to be poor. Like dirt poor, I’ll be working but I am preparing myself to live really poorly, much like I did when I lived in the share house. I even noticed myself paying close attention to a part of a show on cable which showing how you could have a three course meal from dumpster diving on the good restaurants in London, because if I prepare to be very desperately poor, if I am only a bit poor when I am there it will be alright, because it’s not as bad as I thought it might be, see?

Last night I dreamt Bestie and I were in London with a few other girls she knows. Because we were so poor Bestie and I had to share a room the size of a broom cupboard and sleep in a single bed together, there was another room I could have but there was no roof so I’d get wet when it rained so I didn’t want to live there. I met some really nice solicitor guy because one of the girls invited us to a party. I’d painted my nails but I didn’t have any nail polish remover and I couldn’t afford any from the dollar store because with the exchange rate (in my dream) it meant that it was $14 and that was too much to spend. Anyways, the next day this lovely man I met bought me some nail polish remover and a bottle of Hello Kitty nail polish, and that made me decide I love him, and I was very happy.

Needless to say, if I don’t have to share a single bed in London with Bestie, I’l be pleased. I always tend to think about the absolute worst case scenario, then anything better than that is a bonus. This range of books may or may not have been written specifically for me. I just can’t help it, I am preparing for the worst pain I can imagine for my tattoo, I prepared for my nose piercing a few years ago thinking this way and it was not even close to as bad as I expected so it was great. Ditto having my wisdom teeth removed, giving birth and all of that sort of thing.

It’s probably really obsessive compulsive, but I need to have thought of a back up plan. It’s probably extremely bad in terms of The Secret to be thinking about the worst possible outcomes, but it’s not like I always expect it to happen, but I do absolutely need to have considered that option and be prepared for it..or bad things will happen (…and this is why I would probably benefit from a good psychologist or a couple of Valium). I remember in primary school having the very obsessive need to think about every possible outcome for every thing I did, like preparing to get everything wrong on a test in class, preparing for my school uniform to be ruined while I was at school, preparing if I had no lunch packed by accident or if my tuck shop order didn’t come, preparing if maybe someone forgot to collect me from school, if all my friends decided to hate me, if there was a bomb at school (this was suggested by a boy in my class in about Year Five when we were sitting on the oval during a bomb scare drill and he suggested to me they might have buried a bomb on the oval). I have never been forgotten at school or had no lunch given to me or anything like that, but I have just always needed to be prepared for these things. I was also a painfull shy kid and I’d rather have died than spoken to someone I didn’t know or asked for help, so it was very important that I (thought I) could handle things myself, which may also be the root of why I’m still that way now, except less shy than I was.

Even now, I still do it. I have still planned what to do if all my friends decide to hate me one day and I had no one, or if my parents decide they hate me and won’t let me live here anymore, or if all my family dies, or our house burns down (when I was younger I had to fight to urge to pack a bag each night filled with my favorite things so I could dash out easily should our house catch fire) or if someone breaks in and tries to attack us. I have started to worry about my future child being attacked by a dog or kidnapped or run over and I’m not even close to having a wee one any time soon, but I need to have considered all these things.

Anyone else like this??

In other less crazy person news, I go back to uni tomorrow. Having grown fond of an 8am (or later!) wake up, starting at 9am tomorrow will be very cruel and unusual. It’s a three day conference for teachers who will graduate at the end of the year…even though I won’t, I still have to go now because I graduate mid next year. From what I’ve heard it’s three days of scaring the pants off you as principals, experienced teachers and first year grads tell you what they expect and how hard it is once you are out there, plus you get to learn stuff about what to do once you’ve graduated but from what I’m heard it’s just a good scare. Thankfully I have two more semesters to panic rather than just one like most of my other colleagues. I realized the other day that this summer will be my very last uni holidays. Oh God!

I have done so much today.

• Two hours of D’Nanny’s housework. I learned people who don’t move things when they dust shit me.
• Paid bills for D’Olds
• Returned a jack hammer D’Daddy had hired over the weekend (and got to pocket the deposit, hooray!)
• Bought some things to make a casserole for dinner
• Did banking for D’Olds
• Showered, dried hair, ate, slept and all of that, too.

It doesn’t seem like much on paper but it was time consuming and involved lots of driving.

To make up for the crushing disappointment of missing out on my Carlton Ware bowl, I bought a lobster shaped metal jelly mold on eBay last night for $3 which is a bit more appropriate for my current financial state. I got a corn shaped jelly mold (another of my favorite things) at Vinnie’s for 50c when Bestie was back, I need to get some hooks so I can hang them in my study. I’ve loved these molds for years but didn’t buy them when I saw them around because I don’t have my own house to display them in, but at this rate if I wait until I have my own house these items will only be found in cases in museums, so best buy them now and hang onto them, plus every time I start to get into something it seems to become popular and cost a tonne more than it should. I think I’ll be the only person who can move out and decorate an entire house but not have anything that is actually useful such as furniture or appliances. Clearly, my priorities are in order

For the moment I am going to make some phone calls and make up an ad for my extraordinary tutoring services then I will work out how to make a casserole, I am thinking I will just tip everything into a baking dish and chuck it in the oven for a couple of hours. I am going going to make some jewelery, so keep looking at my shop (and buy some stuff!) (Please?)

Shortly after I posted yesterday the super strong winds blew the lines that give us our cable TV, Internet and phones out so we didn’t have any of that most of yesterday and all last night. It’s much easier to create grand plans when you are almost entirely devoid of stimulation. I did do three loads of washing and a few hours of ironing, so now everything is right in the world.

Just before the Internet went out, Bestie emailed me to tell me I should just advertise for tutoring and see how that goes. I like this plan, this will be my number one approach. I have my neighbor’s daughter for sure next term, so that’s one student already. If I could get just four more kids for two a week sessions, it would be more than I got from Centerlink and it would be really useful experience because it’s actually teaching.

I called D’Mummy after I called Centerlink yesterday and told her, and she came home and insisted D’Olds would keep paying me as Centerlink did and spend the rest of the night asking when I’d like my first "Delightful Family Government Payment", if she thinks it’s cute and fun to pay me each fortnight, who am I to burst her bubble? No, I am not really comfortable doing nothing at all, so that’s why tutoring will be my number one choice it leaves me the days free for uni work, D’Olds errands and D’Daddy’s business errands and what not. The fact D’Olds seem happy and almost insistent to pay me like Centerlink has done makes things a bit easier, but I still want to be working rather soon. I am also going to advertise for English lessons, I have majored in TESOL and I’d still like to teach in Japan one day, and I have taught some English before to a little girl on my first prac so I do know what to do. I think I might work on Beckie’s idea of the jewelery thing, too. I have all my supplies, it’s simply a matter of knocking a few things up. I’ll be selling via Etsy, not eBay. It’s a much better marketplace place for handmade items and people are prepared to purchase things for the price they are worth, not as super cheap bargains, which is fairly important when making money selling handmade things. Stay tuned, I’ll let you know when my shop is ready.

My next plan if tutoring goes poorly (though I think it will be OK, I’m not planning on charging much, so I think most parents would go for it, since lots of kids have tutoring these days, compared to when I was younger) would be to do OSHC, it’s normally not too difficult to get a job in one of these at this time of year. This works better as my days are still free and I have quite good availability in terms of when I could work as most of my classes are outside OSHC hours, so we’ll see. Finally, if all else fails, I think I’d go back to insurance wenching. Because of how long I was at my other job and what I did when I was there, I’d get another job very easily doing a similar thing, but this would be very much a last option. I choose to believe there are more and different options to this.

I think this is a really clear example that I am in a much better place than I was when everything went pear shaped at the end of last year, I stressed out for about three quarters of a day, ate some misery chips and got over myself. Being a worry wart won’t solve this, being proactive when school goes back to see if I can advertise in newsletters and placing notices on shopping center notice boards will fix this. A mere blip on the radar, I survived without Centerlink for almost six whole years of uni, I am certain I can manage one more year without it. In the scheme of things, if this is the biggest problem I have in my life, I’ll have done incredibly well.

Thanks for all the comments yesterday, my loves, it’s very sweet to think how many of you made the effort to do so. I appreciate all your suggestions and they are all very excellent to consider (except maybe the debt collector and sports woman, but one never knows?). For now, I shall go and vacuum and clean the shower, then I might drag out my enormous crate of beads and get busy. Sparkly bits of ears and wrists will be forthcoming, start counting your pennies, I’ll be more than happy to take them off your hands (and give you a piece of jewelery in return, of course)