Drama Queen
15 Jul
I am the biggest drama queen ever. I’d like to think I’m hard to pick as a drama queen as I’m not particularly loud in person, nor am I really outgoing or a "big" personality, but I am a big drama queen.
Right now, the big worry I have rolling around in my subconscious is going to London at the end of next year. Yes, it’s over a year away but as a confirmed worry wart it’s never too early to start being phsyically ill freaking out about something. I should mention something, in London, I am expecting to be poor. Like dirt poor, I’ll be working but I am preparing myself to live really poorly, much like I did when I lived in the share house. I even noticed myself paying close attention to a part of a show on cable which showing how you could have a three course meal from dumpster diving on the good restaurants in London, because if I prepare to be very desperately poor, if I am only a bit poor when I am there it will be alright, because it’s not as bad as I thought it might be, see?
Last night I dreamt Bestie and I were in London with a few other girls she knows. Because we were so poor Bestie and I had to share a room the size of a broom cupboard and sleep in a single bed together, there was another room I could have but there was no roof so I’d get wet when it rained so I didn’t want to live there. I met some really nice solicitor guy because one of the girls invited us to a party. I’d painted my nails but I didn’t have any nail polish remover and I couldn’t afford any from the dollar store because with the exchange rate (in my dream) it meant that it was $14 and that was too much to spend. Anyways, the next day this lovely man I met bought me some nail polish remover and a bottle of Hello Kitty nail polish, and that made me decide I love him, and I was very happy.
Needless to say, if I don’t have to share a single bed in London with Bestie, I’l be pleased. I always tend to think about the absolute worst case scenario, then anything better than that is a bonus. This range of books may or may not have been written specifically for me. I just can’t help it, I am preparing for the worst pain I can imagine for my tattoo, I prepared for my nose piercing a few years ago thinking this way and it was not even close to as bad as I expected so it was great. Ditto having my wisdom teeth removed, giving birth and all of that sort of thing.
It’s probably really obsessive compulsive, but I need to have thought of a back up plan. It’s probably extremely bad in terms of The Secret to be thinking about the worst possible outcomes, but it’s not like I always expect it to happen, but I do absolutely need to have considered that option and be prepared for it..or bad things will happen (…and this is why I would probably benefit from a good psychologist or a couple of Valium). I remember in primary school having the very obsessive need to think about every possible outcome for every thing I did, like preparing to get everything wrong on a test in class, preparing for my school uniform to be ruined while I was at school, preparing if I had no lunch packed by accident or if my tuck shop order didn’t come, preparing if maybe someone forgot to collect me from school, if all my friends decided to hate me, if there was a bomb at school (this was suggested by a boy in my class in about Year Five when we were sitting on the oval during a bomb scare drill and he suggested to me they might have buried a bomb on the oval). I have never been forgotten at school or had no lunch given to me or anything like that, but I have just always needed to be prepared for these things. I was also a painfull shy kid and I’d rather have died than spoken to someone I didn’t know or asked for help, so it was very important that I (thought I) could handle things myself, which may also be the root of why I’m still that way now, except less shy than I was.
Even now, I still do it. I have still planned what to do if all my friends decide to hate me one day and I had no one, or if my parents decide they hate me and won’t let me live here anymore, or if all my family dies, or our house burns down (when I was younger I had to fight to urge to pack a bag each night filled with my favorite things so I could dash out easily should our house catch fire) or if someone breaks in and tries to attack us. I have started to worry about my future child being attacked by a dog or kidnapped or run over and I’m not even close to having a wee one any time soon, but I need to have considered all these things.
Anyone else like this??
In other less crazy person news, I go back to uni tomorrow. Having grown fond of an 8am (or later!) wake up, starting at 9am tomorrow will be very cruel and unusual. It’s a three day conference for teachers who will graduate at the end of the year…even though I won’t, I still have to go now because I graduate mid next year. From what I’ve heard it’s three days of scaring the pants off you as principals, experienced teachers and first year grads tell you what they expect and how hard it is once you are out there, plus you get to learn stuff about what to do once you’ve graduated but from what I’m heard it’s just a good scare. Thankfully I have two more semesters to panic rather than just one like most of my other colleagues. I realized the other day that this summer will be my very last uni holidays. Oh God!
Jen, you’re a crack up. London would be so much fun! It is the best city in the whole world. I think, with these sort of opportunities, you have to grab them with both hands and run for it.
After all, you’re only young once!
I am a total drama queen too (although I think people know that as soon as they meet me unlike you). I also worry about a lot of things..maybe not to the extent of you but things such as losing my job, being robbed whilst being at home, the house burning down, my car getting stolen….it can be so tiring! Who knows maybe the move to London will help you change thinking about everything and planning for things you can’t! Uni holidays, oh I miss them…esp summer!
Rosanna, I’ve never been which is contributing to my agnst. I’ve heard it’s awesome but I have also heard it’s incredibly expensive and dirty, so I don’t know what to believe. You are right about the grabbing opportunities, which is why I’ll do it, even though I am mildly terrified
Kate, I wouldn’t pick you as a drama queen, so you aren’t that bad
I think a completely new environment will help just because there will be actual things to worry about, not just possibilities…or just make me way worse, I suppose I’ll find out!
Having lived in London for a number of years firstly as a student (uber poor) and then while working (yipee) I would say that ranging from the city to the suburbs, its impossible to imagine how big (about 80km across) and diverse (8m people from just about every background you can think off) ‘the big smoke’ is. So it has something for everyone. Yes it is possible to survive on the cheap (as a student I had a budget of £10 per week + accomdation) and no it is not very dirty (definately compared to places like Paris and New York). Start with something like the rough guides and also get talking to fellow bloggers.
And don’t limit yourself to London, the UK is incredibly diverse and flying to Europe can be cheap (can be less then £40 return on budget airlines to most of Europe).
As long as your keeps your wits about you, you will love it.
Someone I know through work lived in the UK- working- and paid 14 pounds per week for accomodation. Sure, there were 25 people in the house, and they shared rooms and had bunk beds, but apparently it was awesome… not to mention cheap.
So, there are solutions to the UK= exxy problem. I did ok too- I lived in uni halls (which isn’t really an option for you), and I was paying exactly the same as I paid for halls in Perth (only difference was I didn’t get fed lunch, but still got breakfast and dinner).
I’m a wealth of cost saving in the UK knowledge, if you ever need any ideas! I was living off Centrelink money, so I wasn’t exactly flushed with cash.
Of course it’s expensive – the whole of the UK is expensive, because of the ratio of the pound to the dollar. But if you are earning pounds, it will not be so bad. You could *easily* get work as a nanny / au pair. I know an agency you could apply to.
Don’t let anybody fool you – London is amazing. You will enjoy every breathless minute of it xo
oneman, thanks very much for all the info. I’m glad it’s possible to survive on the cheap, there is every possibility I’ll be earning alright to decent money, but I need to prepare for poor so I’m glad it’s doable.
Amanda, again, fantastic to know
I am sure that realistically, there has to be provisions for almost all people at all areas on the spectrum of income but as I’ve said, I’m a drama queen 
As I get closer to go time I will be surely picking your brains, but I might kick off with a Lonly Planet, I really know nothing about London.
Rosanna, I keep forgetting that I will earn pounds, so it will be not as bad as I am preparing myself for, plus I will be sharing a place so it’s not all my rent to pay or anything. I forgot about nannying, so that will definitely be my back up. Thanks for the advice