Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known

Well this is it…my last load of rubbish for about two months! Unless of course the place I am staying at has wireless (doubtful) or I can scam off someone else’s wireless (equally doubtful), I may get broadband at a hotel during one of my mini weekend adventures but I wouldn’t really expect that either, so work on me being entirely absent for a couple of months. Jac demanded I do a kick ass leaving post, but I argued that nothing up to this point has been kick ass, so why start now??

My final assignment still isn’t finished. It’s worth 100% and is due tomorrow today but I am not fussed, it will get done and it will be good enough to pass, that is what matters. I haven’t packed for prac yet, I just have a plastic crate filled with toys, books, games, stickers and other good things. I haven’t packed clothes yet either. It just feels like there is no time left and so many things to do.

I’ve decided to allow myself 6 cries while I am gone. One “What the fuck have I gotten myself into!?” cry, two “I’m so fucking lonely it hurts” cries, two “I’ve had a shit day and want to go home” cries and one big “Holy shit, it’s over” cry. I feel that is reasonable. Jac asked if I would need that many cries and I think it’s possible, it’s less than one cry a week and I am sure there will be days that being 800+kms from home, friends and family will seem like the most shitful thing in the world.

Deep down I am terrified, but I am choosing not to validate those feelings by responding to them. Freaking out won’t help me right now, I just need to be thinking that it’s all possible and that it’s all going to turn out fine. I know it’s possibly a false reality, but sometimes that’s what it takes to get through something. I don’t regret deciding to go out there though and I think that’s the key. It’s terrifying and hard and scary and overwhelming, but it’s also something I’ll never have the chance to do again and it’s something that has the potential to be a greater learning experience than anything I’ve ever done before, on so many levels. I guess I’m just making the choice to feel the fear but do it anyways.

I am really quite looking forward to the drive, it will involve many solid hours of prime singing time and that is always wonderful (and good for improving my mood). I got a power ballads album yesterday and played it as I was driving to and from my last minute lady date with Jac and I am slightly hoarse today, if that gives you any indication of how hard I was singing. It has so many awesome songs like “More Than Words” and ‘More Than a Feeling” as well as “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and even “Africa”!! It makes me incredibly pleased to sing ballads at the top of my lungs, they are my favorite genre of car music. I think Extreme’s “More Than Words” might be one of my favorite shitty love songs, I first heard it being done by a covers band in a beer garden like 10 years ago when I was having lunch someplace with D’Olds and I’ve just loved it since but hadn’t heard it for ages. It would be one of the songs I would like someone to play if they were standing on my lawn holding a boom box over their head in an attempt to woo me through song. It’s also a fairly lengthy ballad so that sort of upper arm strength would be rather impressive too.

So, in closing, I suggest you spend this time apart to read my archives. Probably don’t bother with anything from my first year, because it’s mostly shit, but there are some good bits a bit later on. If archives aren’t your thing, try my blogroll. Everyone on it is top shelf and I have a heap of other awesome links I read via Google Reader too, but I haven’t had a chance to update my blogroll…not that it helps you. I will leave you with 2 questions. 1) What is the most terrifying thing you have ever done? Why? And how did it turn out? 2) What is the song you’d like someone to play for you if they were standing on your lawn with a boom box thrust above their head?

Feel free to drop me a line if you wish, I anticipate being able to check emails fairly regularly so that is not too bad. Don’t miss me too much! The next post I write will be me as a graduate, start getting excited people!!

This is probably my second last post as an Undergrad, how are you guys feeling about this?!

Most of this post is lifted from an email I just sent to Wifey. Normally I send emails with bits lifted from ym blog but in this case the cart is before the horse. I never really thought about all the stuff I am going to do, but as I was emailing her I kind of realised that it’s actually a big deal for me.

I spoke to my teacher again today. I still don’t know the name of the woman I am staying with, nor am I able to contact her to find out what to bring or how much board I should pay or any of the silly little details like that. At this rate, I am preparing for the idea of sleeping in my car for the first night because nothing seems to be happening at any degree of speed. That might also be a country thing though, I am used to doing (and wanting everything done) right away at the latest, the day before yesterday if possible. The whole leisurely approach is still fairly forgeign to me, even with the brain candy. Particularly when it’s something as important as my final prac, but clearly my agnst is not shared, but that might be a good thing.

I digress, in today’s conversation I found out a bit about the coming events while I am on prac. It was apparently sent to me in an email but I have turned my inbox and spam folders inside out and I can safely say I never got it. So far, I know that there will be lots of veterans in town for ANZAC day, but there will also be a tonne of related events…like a ball. Yes. A ball. In a microscopic town in the outback, there will be a ball. Involving dressing up and dancing with veterans and generally being charming, sociable and proper (everything the uni ball was not!) Also, we are going on a rugby training day thing, singing at an old people’s home and doing a big unit on recycling and stuff.

If you were to make a list of things I would never choose to do, I think it’s fair to say that those things would rate fairly highly. However, you know the saying, when in Rome… If someone had told me a year ago that in less than a weeks time I will be driving myself far into the middle of nowhere, to live in a tiny town with no one else I know for two months while I finish up my degree I couldn’t have even contemplated the idea, it would have been entirely beyond my realms of comprehension. But now, I guess I am going to go and be a singing, dancing, jump roping, rugby playing, science teaching, eco warrior, super student teacher because really, there is no reason I can’t do any of that, so I am just going to make it happen.

Who knew I had it in me??

So, I got four more tattoos today. After a slow start (they had an appointment for another girl, who called and canceled but they crossed out my appointment booking by accident and consequently weren’t expecting me) I got it done.

I ended up with two circles behind each ear, one big and a little one below it. They are the same on each side and I got them done in light purple. I asked the guy about doing white and he said he’d do it if I wanted but that white ink is just notoriously difficult to keep in your skin and as a result they tend to fade off into nothing after a while. The guy who ended up tattooing me said he had one done a few years ago and now it’s all gone, so I figured he’d know his shit. The older guy was lovely though and mixed up a custom color for me to get it quite pale, but still a little bit of the other color I was going for (purple).

The question everyone seems most keen to ask…”Did it hurt!?!”. Let me break it down for you, so you get a compelete picture of the whole experience. The place I had it done is right on the bony ridge. Feel the bit behind your ear right now, it’s kind of soft and hollow right behind your lobe and then if you work your way up it gets less squishy and more bony, well, that’s the bit I got done. Very little cushioning, mostly just skin on bone. Also, tattoos are done by having a quickly moving needle driving ink into your skin…they are not done by weak, baby kittens sneezing on you, so do keep that in mind when considering the response.

Considering all of this… no, it honestly didn’t hurt. I think this was the product of a number of factors though. My artist was a very light touch, unlike the guy who did my wrist, this guy was very light and gentle which made it quite pleasant. Yes, it was done right on bone, but it just didn’t hurt too bad. I also wanted it done, so I was prepared to put up with some discomfort for the end result. Plus, it is done with a needle, a sharp needle that is moving quickly, so it is going to hurt a bit. Compared to my wrist one though, I would have these done a hundred times over because it was far less painful.

It’s loud to have the tattoo gun to close to your ear, that was probably the most awkward bit because I found it hard to maintain conversation over the noise of the gun as well as the music playing in the background. It’s also an awkward position to have tattooed, I kind of had to lay face down into the pillow while they did it. Also, it’s a bloody spot to have done, apaprently. It seemed to bleed quite a bit because he wiped it pretty often and even when the tattoo shop lady took a picture right after it was finished there was a bit of blood seeping out. No pics just for the moment for that reason, I’ll give them a day to settle down and get less crusty (charming, huh?).

Even now, five or so hours after the fact, they are still fine though. A little bit itchy but I think that’s just because they are starting to heal. Jac was being being a mother this weekend so I had to suck it up and go alone, but even so it was totally fine. I kind of wish Jac could have come because it was just so much better an experience compared to last time. This time they took time to sketch it up (even though it was only two circles), check I was happy with it, make the transfer, photograph it so I could see it properly, mix the color and check I was happy with it, then took time to tattoo it slowly and carefully. From woah to go I was there for almost an hour, and I really appreciate that they took the time to do a good job of it even though it was a really small job.

I gave them the picture I want my wrist tattoo built into and they were really keen to help and make sure it would look awesome and be the right size and all. Something to look forward to when I get back from prac. I actually did a bit of research about compass tattoos and they are representative (particularly in the Navy) of always being able to find your way/find your way home. I thought that was very lovely and very appropriate considering future events. It’s also kind of what I wanted the star to represent in the first place, so it’s not even like it’s losing it’s original meaning, more just refining it.

So yeah, that’s my big news. I desperately need to do some work for uni and prac this week so don’t expect much in the way of blogging but I will link the pictures when they are up and do a final post before I head off into the horizon, never fear!

• Dudes, in a week, I will be gone for two months. My blog will lie, stagnant and unloved, for that whole period. Don’t forget to come read me again when I return though, k? I’ll be a graduate. Then a graduate living in London. A graduate living in London with Wifey, then with Bestie. You know you don’t wanna miss those crazy times!!
• Speaking of Wifey, we had a three and a half hour chat this morning. My Wife power is completely recharged now and I feel fantastic and I kind of think that she feels the same way. Whenever we don’t get to chat for a few days, it’s just that little bit more exciting if one of us happens to be online at the same time as the other. It was just so good to chat to her. A lot of things that were painfully overdue to be talked about were discussed and it’s all talked out now. I was saying how much better I feel compared to when she left, how much happier and calmer I am now and how much my overall mental state has improved. We talked about the day I spilled my beans to her and she told me about how it felt from her side. For everything to be seemingly fine with us and me just spazz out and start being all standoff-ish and distant one day, I never really realized how confusing and frustrating that would be on her end, to see one of your good friends is clearly not alright and being rejected at every opportunity to provide any sort of help or comfort. She said how she was worried how we would go living together for a while in London if I was just going to try and ignore everything I am feeling or pretend it wasn’t happening but now I can actually deal with things rather than just trying to ignore them and hope it goes away she is feeling much better about it all. She even asked if we might might stop arguing so much, I told her no, because she is still a mole…I love having a sparring partner far too much to stop, she puts shits on me, I fight back, then we swap and do it again. It’s just how we work.
• I also got to chat about The L Word with her, I have four whole seasons, thanks to magnificent Jac, and watched the first ep of season four the other night. Goodness me, it’s going to be a good season. Wifey is going to catch up on season three and we are going to watch four together when I am in London. Super yay!!
• I am booked for more tattoos on Sunday. I am getting the circles behind my ears done at a shop near my house. I’d seen the flash up on their walls as I’d driven by and it looked beautiful so I called in today for a closer look. They do really awesome old school work and have a pretty sweet shop. It is spotlessly clean and smells like a dentist surgery which I like (hygiene is awesome!), it’s not quite as decked out as the place I went in the city, but in hindsight they were quite shit so clearly looks don’t count for that much. They are also a fair bit cheaper and my two circles will cost as much as my wrist one did. I am going to get them to draw up something for my wrist, I have some pictures but I want sometime unique and old school style and I think they’ll do a pretty nice job.
• Eeeep, my principal just emailed me wanting my phone number and asked me to call her. I tried to call but it rang out so I left a message. I am going to go vom and wait for the call back. I hate phone tag!!

I tore my room to shreds today, and it made me feel so much better. It had become the dumping grounds for the resources I want to take with me, clothing I want to take with me, toilteries and other bits and pieces I want to take with me as well as the bits I currently have listed on eBay, as well as the general clutter the lives in my room and it just beginning to mess with me. I can handle a bit of mess, as long as I know where everything is and can put my hands on it but my room had become something that resemmbled a store room someone was sleeping in and that doesn’t work for me.

So not only did I do a massive tidy up and some overall organizing, I also started thinning out some of my “stuff”. The first victim was my underwear drawer and getting rid of all the undies with saggy elastic or that were just getting old, the bras that had lost their ability to do their job properly and assorted odd socks, random tights, singlets I don’t remember buying and all the other bits of crap that find themselves in an undies drawer. I filled a small garbage bag from that drawer alone, I never knew I had so many undies!

After that, I gathered all my handbags and was rather ruthless with them as well, nothing that I would not consider taking to London was saved. I have sorted them into what goes to Vinnes (or Jac) and what goes on eBay and kept maybe six or so. A couple of big bags, a couple of clutches (one for daytime, one for night times) and some other handbags I like too much to get rid of just now.

It feels so much better to have less “stuff”, everything is sorted now and organized and I can think clearly again. I know it probably highlights my OCD tendencies to gush about how nice it is to have everything organized, but it makes me feel incredibly calm and clear headed to have everything in it’s place and sorted and stored appropriately.

I created a to-do list the other day, to keep track of all the little loose ends I need to tie up and the things I need to do  before I go away. It’s daunting to see it all on paper, but it is very helpful. I don’t even want to think about the list I will have to make before I leave the country!!

• Gosh, it’s been a while, huh? It feels like the longest break I’ve had from blogging in a long time. A much longer break is coming up very shortly though, so don’t get too attached to having me around.
• Yeah, I leave next weekend. Can you believe it has come around so quickly?? I really can’t. Even in my mind, I know that I have like 11 days left in Brisbane, but it still feels like no major rush to get anything done before I leave. I only final the last assignment I ever have to write due next Friday, just one that is worth 100%, no biggie. I finally now understand why Wifey was finishing hers off, half drunk, right before we went out to dinner the night before she left for prac last year. It is just impossible to motivate yourself to do this one final thing.
• Speaking of Wifey, I was chatting to her this morning. She is in Poland for the week and is planning to head to Amsterdam next weekend. Tough life, huh? Anyways, we were chatting about my arrival and plans for my birthday and she mentioned that she will start looking at flights to Spain in the coming months so we can try and get flights when they are on special. That is more exciting than I can possibly articulate. I will turn 25 this year (sob) but I get to do so in Spain. I also mentioned that I would love to see Bath and Wifey suggested a weekend trip during the Spring. Seriously, imagine as if your heart was about to burst. That’s how I feel pretty much all of the time nowadays, if it were possibly to have pure, unadulterated glee seeping out ones pores it would be happening to be right now.
• The not so fun part about all this? Being the one who is leaving. I am very experienced in being the one “left behind”. I have had a number of friends up and leave over the years and always felt to pain of leaving ones friends behind couldn’t possibly compare to being the one who is left. Being the person who has to stay behind and do everything you normally do but without the people you love doing it with just sucks, really bad, not least of all because you are almost reminded daily that one of your people is now gone. I now appreciate how much it still sucks being on the other side of things. I am so excited to go, obviously. I am so excited to see the world, and see Wifey again and live with my Best in the same house and work and be a grown up and just live, but I hate being the one who makes people sad. I am sad that Jac is sad I am leaving, I am sad that D’Olds and D’Nanny will be sad I am going. It feels rather shit to be elated about something and still a little sad and sort of guilty at the same time. I guess it’s inevitable that at some point in one’s life that you will end up doing something that is great for yourself and your future and all, but that also makes other people a bit sad.
• So, what else? I am going to drop into a tattoo shop sometime this week to set about getting some more work done. Nothing until I come back from prac but I want to get the wheels in motion. Time is, somewhat, of an essence when I return so I want to get everything ready to roll.
• In other drastic changes, I am very probabaly going to be white blonde by the time I go to London. I’ve wanted to be white blonde for a number of years but I could never find a colorist who’d agree to take my hair back from dyed black (at the time) because it was too big a job. The other day when I had my haircut as the stylist was washing my hair, he just said “You know what would be awesome? Bleaching you hair!”. He explained that bleached hair goes fatter because the hair shafts are open so it looks thicker and coarser than my current baby fine hair and it would look really cool. Because my hair is so short at the moment it’ll also be much easier to bleach because it won’t have the level of color build up it had went it was longer. I am pumped, my new stylist said he’d love to do it for me, and we can play with toners and washes to find an awesome shade of blonde for me. He even mentioned putting a shot of pink through to give the whiteness a fairy floss, blush pink color. CUTE! It’s something I’ve wanted for a good five or six years but never really was brave enough to pursue it or ask a stylist to just do it, even if it was going to be hard, so it was kind of like a little sign from the heavens that this is my chance! And how fun to be blonde for the wedding and for my arrival in London, a brand new hair color for my brand new experiences!
• Oh, also, I got an order for almost 30 buttons! One single person wants 14 each of two designs! I am extremely chuffed, to say the least, not to mention that she is absolutely lovely to deal with. I also got a fun order from another lovely blogger. I adore doing custom work, it’s so fun!! I seriously have the best customers, everyone is just so great to deal with. Wifey’s friend in London who she is living with at the moment has recently ended her engagement and I made some custom buttons to celebrate the fact (it’s a celebratory event, I wasn’t being cruel or anything). It sounds mega cheese-ball but I really like being able to make people happy through little buttons and other things I make, is there anything more awesome than making someone happy through doing what you love to do? It’s totally win, win as far as I can see.