I have a tendency to overreact…

…and I’m not afraid to use it. (I make buttons that say that. I don’t remember where I first heard it, but if there was such thing as someone’s personal tag line, that would be mine.)

I’ve decided to stick to my original plan of leaving in September. I can’t change my mind. If I’m not ready, then I am not ready, if I am then it’s pretty stupid to be waiting around. It’s not as if I’m going to wake up one morning and my bags will be magically packed and an outfit laid out of me and that is when I’ll know it’s the right time for me. If I look for reasons not to do it, I’ll find them, so I’m not looking.

I’ve also decided to start a “Shitty Savers” account with myself. I whine about how I can’t save enough money but this time last week I blew through about $100, give or take, on stuff that was entirely non-essential. I set out to buy a pair of Cons (on sale for $40) and came home with them, two singlet tops, a long knitted tunic, two other types of singlets, a headband, a knitted hat and some other stuff that I can’t even recall because it was so useless. Today at the shops I saw a sale sign and thoguht about popping in, just in case there was something good to buy. I must have at least 200kg of clothing, in just over two months I need to turn 200kg into 20kg. The absolute last thing in the entire world is to introduce a single item of clothing into my already bursting-full wardrobe. To satisfy my burning urge to spend some cash, I went to Travelex and bought ten pounds. It cost me so fucking much ($22ish, plus $3 commision) but now I have something to show for it. Something that is actually worthwhile and not something I need to squash into a suitcase or dice in a couple of months. So now, every time I think about buying something I don’t need I’m going to hold on to that amount of cash and then every week or so I’m going to go turn it into pounds. I can’t spend pounds here, so there is no risk of me wasting that money, and seeing my little pile of pounds grow will make it easier to stop wasting money.

In other news, I decided to get a new job today…by force, if necessary. I sussed out some child care centers in my area and convinced myself that they were going to employ me. The very first place I went to, I opened the door to see a lady who I worked with on a previous prac. What do you know? She’s the director of a brand new place right near my house. Guess what else? Almost everyone else I know from the prac works there with her. She offered me a full time job, right off the bat and I told her that unfortunately I can’t take it because I am moving overseas. She told me that it was fine and that she can probably guarantee me two days a week in a job share position. Not wanting to count my chickens before they’ve hatched I called into three more places. All but one of them almost keeled over at the thought of a degree holder wanting to do relief work and tried to give me group leader jobs, and when I declined said they would definitely be able to use me.

This all sounds incredibly promising, but I’ve been burned by this same situation before (you might remember the nervous breakdown of 06 when I left insurance wenching to do this same sort of thing and it all failed miserably and I basically self destructed). This time I am not using an agency, I’m stupidly overqualified for the job (which makes me very employable), I’m available full time and I’ve gone in and seen directors and they know my face. I can also cast my net slightly wider, as necessary to drum up some more work. I don’t know whether to quit the new job or not. If I don’t quit, I will almost certainly get all this relief work and have to leave them hanging when I quit next week during vacation care. If I do quit, I am almost certain that I’ll have counted my eggs too early and be left with nothing. I have plan B sorted though, so I think I will call them and quit. It’s not ideal, and possibly the worlds shortest employment history, but it’s probably best for everyone in terms of the least stuffing around. Two other people started with me on Monday so it’s not like I’m completely screwing them over.

I feel so lame not having done this a week ago, thusly removing any potential stuffing around of others, but I guess it’s a live and learn kind of thing. I’m just going to go ahead and work under my blind faith approach and just believe that I’m going to be earning decent money doing relief work, working with nice people and doing stuff that I am trained to do in a stimulating environment. Even one day a week in child care will pay more than a week of after school care, so it’s not like it’s a particularly large leap of faith when you really think about it. I’m sure it will be fine…

…right…right!?