Everyone Loves a Cliche

I am currently knee deep in the iTunes store, picking some 80s power ballads that are missing from my comprehensive library of pumping 80s tunes. (Yes, I actually purchase all my music, I am not cool enough to know how to download it plus I would want someone to buy my songs if I got famous). I’ve got some really good ones “Ooooooooooh, we’re all someone’s daughter, we’re all someone’s sonnnnnnnnnnnnn” “We may never meet againnnnnn, sooooo shed your skin and let’s get starteddddddddd” (Bonus points! Name that tune!!)

Since reading Stuff Lesbians Like and it mentioning 80s power ballads, I’ve felt like this whole lady loving thing has made so much more sense. There are actually other girls out there who love power ballads, and that warms my heart. Most days I feel like a total n00b when it comes to the whole lesbian deal, but knowing I match some tongue-in-cheek stereotypes makes me glad…Pollyanna style.

Let’s see how many other lesbian stereotypes myself, my going away party and my guests can live up to:

1. Popped Collars and Grad School. Yes, I will be wearing a popped collar and I dare say I won’t be the only one. As for Grad School, I’m there next semester. Check.

2. Telling the stupid U-Haul joke. Likely, there will be a number of lesbians in the company of my straight friends. I heard the U-Haul joke the very first time I hung with Wifey so I suspect it’s the standard lesbian joke to tell other girls. I’m anticipating hearing it on the weekend. Check.

5. The post-mullet. I have a mullet, which I adore like it was my own child. Tex now has a mullet and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are another one or two in attendance on Saturday. CHECK!

7. Mourning dead or otherwise departed L-Word characters. Every time I see some of the girls who will be coming on Saturday, we talk about the L-Word, this is absolutely certain to occur at some point. Check.

10. The hand tuck. I know I do this often, and I know I’m not the only one! Check.

11. Entourages. Yah, I’ll have have almost my entire entourage with me on Saturday, some of whom will bring their own entourage. Plus, I’d like to go out afterwards and I’m far too “new” to go into any gay clubs alone, so I need other lesbians to give me some cred. Check.

15. Processing. Yeah, we all know I do this. If it was not for “processing” my blog would be updated once every 3 months. Double check.

17. Drama 2.0. Yeah….we all know this is true, too. Check.

20. Fitting In. Without a doubt, while it’s true for most people, it’s especially true within the “scene”. If you don’t read as a lady lover than you are toast, thank GOD I have awesome hair because if it wasn’t for that I would be dead in the water. My mullet helps tip off the girls who’ve already got an inkling which team I play for. This is another reason my entourage is useful because it would be very unlikely I’d be approached in a gay club if I was…out of context, let’s say. Check!

21. Professing to know everything about someone based on his or her star sign. Yeah, I think within the first 10 minutes of Tex and I meeting we were discussing star signs and doing the eyebrow raise and nod at each other. For the record, I’m a Scorpio, and you’d be very right to raise an eyebrow… check.

26. We blog! Yes, yes we do. Check.

28. Straight Girls. Half my party will be straight girls and I love them to bits! Lesbians do dig straight girls. Check.

31. Being overly competitive at things that don’t matter. I am this point personified! I have never cared about getting better marks than someone else at uni or beating anyone while at the doing stuff at the gym (way back in the day) but try and have better hair than me or play against me in Guitar Hero and it’s on like Donkey Kong, my friends. You’ll be crying like a sissy in under five minutes. Check.

36. Spontaneously breaking out into tone-deaf versions of 80s guitar anthems or power ballads. The point that started it all. I fucking love power ballads, they are the greatest songs ever and guitar anthems are the reason why Guitar Hero is the best game ever. Check.

49. Lesbian Texting Syndrome. Guilty as charged, as is every other lesbian I know. Check.

53. Dating difficult girls. Well, not dating so much as crushing on difficult girls? Though I know plenty of girls dating difficult girls, it seems to be a rite of passage. Check.

Ahhhhh, don’t you feel better knowing all that?? I kind of suspect that Saturday night will be the coolest night ever. It’s not like those times when I expect great things and everything turns to shit, this is going to work out! Short of the venue burning down in the next couple of nights, I’m going to have an awesome place for my party. There will be yummy food and cocktails (and beer and junk), as well as a bunch of super cool people. It sort of feels like the funnest birthday party ever, except I don’t have to get any older and I get to go to Japan two days after my party. So maybe it’s more like a wedding…for myself…but without wedding presents or wedding night sexing…but there will be cake, and hey, if the sexing is not an option, cake will do just fine.