Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known

Firstly, this isn’t as gross as some of you think it is…at least not in the sense that I mean it.

My urge to merge refers to me wanting to actually partner up. I think I’m ready to care about someone else’s trivial bullshit and remember a birthday and buy furniture together with someone else. Up until just recently it seemed as if I had so much happening that I had no room in my life for anyone else, I had so much of my own stuff to sort out that investing time and energy into someone else (aside from my friends, of course) just seemed like way too much effort… not to mention the potential drama that comes with a relationship. Now, I think I’d like to share with someone else. I would love to come home from work and have someone to talk to, or go out to dinner with or chat with as we fall asleep. I want to actually make my shitty dinners to share with someone else and laugh about how bad it is and beg someone else to run to the laundromat to dry the washing when it’s cold outside and have someone to read horoscopes to on the weekend.

I’ve wanted those things for a while, but didn’t really want to do anything to be a decent partner in return. I think now, I am ready. I have been single for a few years now, so the whole relationship deal is kind of a hazy memory – not to mention being in a relationship with someone I’m actually into – that will be totally unchartered waters. Dare I say, I’m willing to compromise and negotiate and generally be less of a melodramatic drama queen and more…sedate?

There is just one thing that is a potential stick in the spokes of my grand plan, just the tiny issue of me having no fucking idea where I will be in six months time. Due to the global economic meltdown, things are becoming a little interesting here (much like they are everywhere else in the world). The money that was being offered for jobs back when I first started looking in September is just not on offer anymore. I understand that the hiring season for the new school year is wrapping up, but even over the last month or so there has been a pretty noticable lack of the high end jobs. Back when I first arrived, one of the big banks sent all of it’s ex-pat workers home and I suspect many other companies are going down a similar path. Less ex-pat families mean less kids who attend the big private schools, less kids require fewer teachers. You see where this is going. I’ve applied for a few promising positions but I’m not overly confident that I’ll be here for the long term, I want a fairly decent package to make it worth my while to stay.

If I do come home, it raises many more potential outcomes for me to consider:

1) Going bush. Always something I’ve considered – state schools are always going to have students and are always going to need teachers in the bush so it’s a pretty safe bet. In many cases the packages offered are pretty sweet ranging from super cheap rent in government housing to free flights and accommodation in some cases. It would be a pretty easy way to make some decent money and progress my career in the state system, not to mention a totally awesome experience.

2) Staying in Brisbane. Never really thought about this option, as stupid as that sounds. If I taught full time, I could afford to live in some of my favourite places in Brisbane and lead a pretty cool lifestyle. Friends and family would be close by, I know my way around but not so well in some areas that it wouldn’t be a bit cool to explore on weekends and things and the weather is sweet as. Not to mention the open spaces and clean air. (Can you guess what I’m missing at the moment??)

3) Going back to uni. No, I am not insane, just to clear that up. I loved uni – it was pretty much the best 7 years ever. I wasn’t a wild party creature, nor did I have a giant social circle that made going to uni so awesome, it was purely the studying. It was the assignments and the tutes and the lectures and the scrag fights over parking spaces and library books. In fact, if I could have one wish it would probably be the chance to study another undergrad degree for free. Going back to uni raises more questions – do I do my Masters? In Education or in Writing/Literature? Do I go off the wall and study something I’ve always wanted to do, now that I have my “safe” degree, something like Textiles, Fashion or Photography? If I went part time I could probably try and snag some sort of job share teaching role so I could study and work at the same time, or even just do relief teaching. It may also mean living with D’Olds again, but I don’t even know if that would be so bad. D’Mummy is excellent company, plus you can’t complain about free rent (particlarly now that I know how much paying rent bites ass.)

4) Move interstate. Several states in Oz are crying out for teachers, so there is always the option of cashing in on the desperation of others. Best and BP are in W.A. for the moment as the shitty economy has also shelved their plans for a move OS, at least in the near future. Getting to live in the same city as Best is awfully tempting, and I do really love Perth. The NT is also desperate for teachers and is offering some prety sweet deals for teaching even just one term, it would be an amazing opportunity at the very least.

So…yeah. I suspect my only real opportunity to merge with someone will be to meet and fall for another Aussie teacher with a sense of adventure and no firm ties to any one place as I suspect I might be a bit of a waif for the coming year at least. I know, it’s one of those things “It will happen when you least expect it” and all that. I don’t mind waiting, I mean, what’s another couple of years being single, but I think I’d like to settle down, just a little bit, with someone.

Thoughts and feelings? Does any one option leap out at you? I’m sort of in a five way tie as all have their pros and cons so please dish out opinions as you see fit, I’m very open to hearing outside perspectives on all of this.

P.S. Just for shits and gigs, I attempted a vlog today. Turns out it’s really hard to think of stuff to say when you are watching yourself being recorded. When I have something slightly more worthwhile to talk about… or can do a better job of talking on the fly… I will make one for reals and post it. I also need to sort out the sound issue as it was super hard to hear me talking on the movie.

12 fucking school days left. Hellz YEAH!!!

I had written a really whiny, depressing post but I’m not going to post it. At the moment, I have a roof over my head (until my real estate comes and kneecaps me for paying my rent late) and a warm bed to sleep in so I don’t want to whine. I am so, so poor and can’t really afford to eat or doing anything more than go to and from work until I get paid next month, but that’s just depressing so I’m not gonna dwell it on. With any luck it’s just part of the ebb and flow of cizzash in one’s life, and sometime soon it will begin to flow. So, onwards with the letters:

Dear Work,

Bosses, let me begin by extending the heartiest of “fuck you”s. You have some brilliant teachers working for you- far, far better than the teachers you deserve to have and yet you treat us like unskilled workers, or trained monkeys, even. No, worse, trained monkeys get paid to work weekends. The fact you get hate mail and have had groups of staff all quit at the same time in the past suggests that you may not be using the most effective strategies for retaining the great staff you somehow manage to employ. It’s not so difficult, I’ll spell it out for you. Pay people what they are fucking worth. Don’t make people work on weekends – I know you guys have no friends or lives outside of school but, amazingly, the rest of us do and we grow a little more resentful each time we have to go to a fucking weekend party after working for 5 days during the week. If you insist on making us come, you could at least pay us for working that day. Working close to 60 hours a week for peanuts will make your staff hate you, pay them more or offer more reasonable hours. Seriously, it’s not difficult. If we thought you couldn’t afford to pay us more we might be more understanding but the way you flaunt your wealth makes it hard to feel sympathetic.

Teachers, thank you for making my work life infinately more bareable. The bus rides with you when we spend the entire ride complaining loudly about work are the reason I am yet to snap and glass someone at school. Thank you for providing an outlet to my rage, I owe the fact I’ve not had an aneurysm entirely to you. Students, thank you for being perfect Japanese students. You are so much smarter, well rounded and brilliant than the bosses would have you believe. The days when I am greeted like a rockstar by you make all the shitty parts of work seem worthwhile. Thank you.

Yours in workplace dissatifaction,

D’Jen.

****

Dear Hotpants Lady,

I realize that in a city with a population as large as Tokyo, one must go to some effort to attract the glances of potential suitors. However, wearing hotpants so short that the cotton gusset of your opaque tights is clearly visable might be the wrong way to go about things. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but it’s actually fucking cold at the moment. So cold, in fact, that wearing opaque tights with something is not enough to make it “winter clothes”, you might have to invest in some jeans. If staying simply staying warm is not reason enough to cover up please know that, despite the fact I am no expert, I am fairly certain that having frostbite on your lady garden is likely to be awkard and uncomfortble.

Yours in lady gardening,

D’Jen

****

Dear Fellow Train Commutors,

Take a moment, if you will, to guess how many people are in Ikebukuro station at any one minute during morning peak hour. I suspect the figure would be in the ballpark of a couple hundred thousand. Now consider how fast one can possibly move through a crowd of this size. The sea of bodies makes doing anything at considerable speed quite the challenge and, in most instances, it is far easier (and most times quicker) to simply drift along with the flow of people rather than fight through it. Why then, do so many of you insist of shoulder charging your way off the train when we arrive at the station? Do you work such important jobs that saving seven seconds from your morning commute can earn you several thousand dollars more each day? In that case, I suggest hiring some sort of air based transport because god knows it would be a much faster and comfortable way to travel to work by than anything land based during that time of day. Please consider my plea, if you continue this behaviour I might be forced to become the nasty gaijin that so many of your fear I might be.

Be afraid, and stop fucking shoving me,

D’Jen

****

Dear Thundercat,

Having you at home, waiting for me, every evening makes my heart sing. I realize that you are a fish who lives in a tank so the fact you are still here each day is, in large part, beyond your control but I truly appreciate your company. I am also very greatful of the fact you now swim to greet me when I open the lid of your tank. This may simply be because lifting the lid means that you will soon be fed, but I prefer to think it’s because we are homies and you want to chill with me.

Bros for life, T-Dawg!

D’Jen

****

Dear Favourite Jeans,

Fuck you. Why did you have to literally tear apart a week after we came to Tokyo!? If I knew you were going to puss out on me like that I would not have packed you in the first place. And really, tearing?? Who does that?! A hole I would have patched, but ripping to shreds?? That is just low.

We shared some amazing moments together and you saw me through all manner of events – teaching pracs, nights out drinking, endless hours of shopping and everything in between. You were the perfect wash, the perfect fit and the perfect length. You are irreplaceable, particularly now when I am in the land of ladies who are 5’5 and weigh 38 kilos. My self esteem can simply not handle attempting to buy jeans in Tokyo. You’ve shattered me and I might never be whole again.

Yours in long wearing cotton fibre garments,

D’Jen

****

Dear Readers,

I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it before, but I still mean it. I am painfully aware that my blog has turned to shit and I won’t blame any of you for jumping ship. I still have the passion for blogging running through my veins and I am almost always constructing my next post in my head during a mindless bus ride except these days I really have the time and motivation, at the same moment, to actually get to the point of posting it. In just two weeks I will be on three glorious weeks of holiday from school and during that time I plan on getting this thing back on the rails. I implore you all to wait until the new year before you decide to dice me for good.

It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen,

D’Jen

P.S. I’ve been overcome by a strange and mysterious force lately, something I’ve never truly felt before. I think it is….*gulp*…the urge to merge!! Ew! I am a confirmed bachelorette! More about that next blog post.

Ugh, another week down. Time to play my weekly catch up game of squashing everything I’ve neglected to do for the past 5 days into the 2 days I have free, then doing it all again in the new week. This weekend is a long weekend but I have to go to a shitty Thanksgiving party tomorrow at school, so my long weekend is marred by one day of work, right in the middle. The party doesn’t start until the late afternoon, but we have to be at school by 9am to get everything all organised…on a Sunday…and we don’t get paid. Let’s not even consider the fact I don’t eat turkey or celebrate Thanksgiving. I feel quite bitter and twisted about it, so let’s just move on, shall we?

Pictures, for Mex. Well, I am very lazy and short on patience today so rather than upload photos to here, I’m gonna go ahead and link my Japanese Flickr. That way you can browse at your leisure and see all the photos and I won’t have to throw my laptop across my apartment in a fit of rage at trying to get the photos to look right in this post. Win, win.

On to Lucy’s question, of whether my criteria for an “ideal” parter have changed since coming out. I can’t, for the life of me, find the post where I talked about this so I apologise for that. But to answer the question, whenever I previously imagined my ideal partner, I can’t think of any traits that I wanted which were specifically male traits and I had no specific physical characteristics that I was attracted to (which now explains so much), so I’d say it hasn’t really changed at all, if anything I now have a better idea of what I want. Above all else, I still want someone who is funny in a witty, sarcastic way and the drier the sense of humor, the better. I want someone who is inherently good, who gives people the benefit of the doubt and is hopeful and optimistic about the possibilites life presents us with…but also not to someone who is so “Yay, pink lemonade, puppies, sunshine and sprinkles” that they are just a sucker – maybe someone who is pink lemonade with a shot of Absolut. Someone who understands me. This is a massive ask, and understanding every part of me is not something even I can claim to do, so maybe just understanding parts of me, and just accept – without question – the bits that they don’t quite get. That sounds kind of bad, it’s not like having to accept that I like to recreationlly stomp on sacks of puppies or set bushfires, more like just accepting that I can never go back to my local Blockbuster at home, because I believe they are being mean by charging me late fees* or why I need to buy some things purely because I can’t live without them in my life from that point onwards**. Someone who is very good to their friends and family and who loves their Mummy. Someone who wants to go out and do fun things, but is also happy to watch a DVD – and someone who is happy to do stuff alone or with other people at time. I need breathing space, I can’t spend every waking moment with someone or heads will roll. It doesn’t matter who you are, I can’t be around you 24/7. Someone who likes pets, someone who can cook, someone with twinkly eyes, someone who is clean (I can’t do messy, sorry). Physically? Short hair, I just love short hair (obviously) and I think it always looks rad, so I would like someone with hair at a similar level of awesomeness to mine. Tomboy-ish, Kate Moennig? Perfecto!

In other news, my cat arrived tonight. He’s so beautiful and sweet. He ran out of the bag and straight upto me, sucking my fingers, rubbing all over me and generally settleing in very nicely, I really like him. Something else also arrived when he came – an insanely red, itchy raw rash all over my neck and hands, itchy, watery eyes, constant sneezing, a cough and I can feel my lips turning numb. When I lived at home, I also suspected I was a little allergic to cats because if one ever slept with me I’d be a watery-eyed sneezing mess in the morning, but they slept in another part of the house most of the time and rarely spent any time actually sitting on me. Plus, I’d never really been away from them so I had no chance to escape it. Now, living for 2 months in a totally pet free environment, I guess my body got all the cat-ness out of my system so it’s currently on meltdown being re-exposed to it. I can live with sneezing but if the rash doesn’t go then I fear my wee friend might have to. I really like him and want him to stay, but living with permanent hives isn’t going to work. I think I’d rather have him go soon if my allergies don’t settle down before both of us get too attatched to each other.

Uggggh, I just rubbed my eye with the same hand I touched him with and now my eye is all red and swollen. BALLS!!!

I got a call maybe an hour ago asking if I could take in a little boy (cat) who is not working at his current home. The guy who adopted him says he always needs to be right ontop of him and cries when he is left alone but I think I will be ok. I am totally fine with super smoochy cats (our cats at home were entirely indifferent to me, so I’d love a cat who actually wants to be around me) and I suspect if he got enough loving he’d be ok to be alone during the day. I’ve never met a cat I didn’t like, maybe this little boy is just more needy than the guy is used to or something? He was living at a foster home with 4 of his cat siblings who slowly got adopted out so he’s probably just a bit lonely and not used to being on his own.

He’s going to be dropped off to me on Saturday with food and litter and other supplies, if he works out then it’s awesome and if he doesn’t then that is ok too. The people are happy to take him back if he doesn’t work with me either, they just live a long way from Tokyo so they’d like to see if we can live together before they come and pick him up, then come back later on to deliver another cat to me.

I am pretty excited, it’s much sooner than I was planning but there is no real reason not to jump straight into it, especially since he’s coming with all the supplies he needs. All I have to provide is some loving and a roof over his head and I can do that! Weekends are possibly my least favorite part of the week at the moment, I loathe waking up early for school every day but I get to see my friends and the sweetest little kids so it’s not so bad but on weekends I don’t normally have anyone to talk to, or anything important to do so I kind of sit around waiting for Monday to come so I have someone to talk to again. It sounds lamer than it really is, it’s not like I spend my weekend crying but it would be cool if there was someone around to chat to and chill out with and this weekend, I will have! So exciting! Thundercat will also have someone to watch during the day (provided the cat doesn’t eat him).

My only issue with the cat is that he has a particularly terrible name, he is named after a luxury brand and there is nothing I hate more than brand names used as names. I will be changing his name as soon as he steps foot from his box, I am happy to keep his same initial but his name will not remain.

I know I promised pictures and things next post but this was news that is too exciting not to share. Next blog I promise to upload pictures, and at this rate you’ll probably get cat pictures seeing as I’ll be too busy to blog again until the weekend.

Please cross your fingers that me and my little boy get on well together!!

• I am in a really indescribable mood. Both disenchanted and excited, but about nothing in particular. It’s just weekends – I love them because I have time to just go slow and do the stuff I want to do, but they also kind of suck because most of the time I am too exhausted to go out but it’s kinda lonely and boring to stay at home. I applied for my own internet (and cable TV!) so that should get connected in the coming few weeks and I’ve also decided to get a roommate…of the 4 legged kind. Not a puppy, getting a tiny animal who needs human company is just not an option right now, I have almost no time and that is unlikely to change in the immediate future so the puppy deal is more of a 5 year plan at the moment. A cat, however, is perfectly happy to chill alone during the day and cuddle at night time. I’m not getting two kittens as previously planned, I just don’t think the place is big enough for two cats, especially young ones, so I’ve decided to get one older one. I am emailing with the cat people at the moment and they are going to let me know who they have available. I am so, so excited about it. I can’t wait to have someone at home to talk to and it’s getting to the point now that I stop and watch or talk to the stray cats in my neighborhood so often that I’m convinced people think I’m mad. I just like talking to something.

• Work was much less shit this week, it was almost as if they suspected I was pissed off by the events of the previous week because some things this week were borderline ass kissing. Not that I mind, if I had to choose between being chewed out for suggesting something or being brown-nosed over doing something tiny, I’m not going to choose to get in trouble, right? Whatevs, I still have every intention of finding a new job next year, they had their chance and they blew it. Game over.

• I got paid. I’m not going to tell you how much I have left after I pay my rent because it’s heartbreaking. Next time I get paid I will get more than double what I got this month so that makes things less shit, but it’s going to be a quiet month. No drinking, no more shopping, no eating out. I am going to get a bit of my next pay as a forward so I can pay my rent at the end of this month because if I paid it totally out of this month’s pay I could not afford to eat, so I’m gonna see if I can try and make it halvsies. The less I spend this month the more fun I can have the following month – when SusieQ is here! – so I am gonna try and be really sensible. Apologies in advance for being a total fun sponge this month, friends.

• Not sure if I’ll be going home at Christmas now, it all rides on Qantas. The flights D’Mummy was quoted came to $2500 which is abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous. If I can change the date of my Qantas flight and then get  Jetstar flight back it will be ok, but $2500 for a one week visit is total madness. We’ll see, I know it’s kind of iffy as to whether I can get a seat on a flight that is less than a month away, in peak season, but stranger things have happened I guess. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. I am happy to stay here for a week before SusieQ arrives, it will give me some time to sort out this brothel I call my apartment.

• I am having hobby angst at the moment, in the 13 seconds of free time I have each day I have nothing to do, and this bothers me. My friend at school crossstitches and the other teacher studies his Japanese and I…do nothing. As a compulsive hobbier back at home, I hate having nothing to do. I fold cranes often but sometimes I don’t feel like it. I got a paper cutting book and some supplies today so I am going to start doing that again. I really love doing it and it will make some pretty spiffy Christmas gifts, double win!! Moving to Japan is a hobbist’s dream, Tokyu Hands is basically heaven on earth. Today I walked past a PMC kit (complete with mini kiln) for ¥5000ish. You know I’ll be going back for that someday..when I can afford it. Screen printing set up – I’ve got my eye on you too.

• I am more tired than I thought was humanly possible. Every morning on the bus I fall asleep. I hate doing it but I am incapable of stopping myself, every night when I come home I am exhausted and by the time I do all my “after work” type junk it’s at least 11pm before I am hopping into bed. I understand that working fulltime is hard slog and that life isn’t meant to be easy but I would argue I work longer hours in a week than quite a few people and I work 6 days a week when you consider my private lesson on Sundays so there is only one day a week that I have to do absolutely nothing if I choose. I would cancel my Sunday class but it’s easy money and I’m poor.

• Does anyone else have moments when they realise their life is ordinary? I was talking about this with my friend on Friday when she was saying that everything she does is average and all her grand plans of being exceptional when she was older are just drifting by. I always just assumed I’d be doing awesome stuff, for as long as I can recall I have always believed that I am destined for greatness (of some description) and to realise that I wake up every morning, throw something into my lunch bag and totter off to school for far too many hours, return home then rinse and repeat – well, it sucks. I really, really want to start my book. Nothing is stopping me aside from laziness and not having a real clue where to begin, I just need to start.

• Today I made my weekly pilgrimage to stare at the Blythe dolls and touch all the Holga cameras. I’ve decided that when I finally have money that is just “spare” and should not be spent elsewhere on something pressing, I am going to buy a Blythe. I’ve wanted one for many years and now I can actually see them in person and choose the one I want rather than pay exorbitant prices on eBay for someone who I’ve never seen before. I know I want one with really long, dark hair but other than that, it doesn’t matter so much. I was looking at the different Blythe wigs today and I found the hairstyle I am now aspiring towards. I don’t want to describe it because I’ll do a shit job of it so I’m trying to find a picture, this hair (almost the exact color of my hair at the moment, spooky). I’ve also decided to pursue lomography. It’s something else I have wanted to try for a long time and now, again, I can actually look at the cameras in person and I know where to buy film and everything. Not to mention all the awesome things and places there are to photograph here. Both are things that are prohibitively expensive and difficult to pursue in Oz so it would be very silly not to take advantage of the opportunities while I have them.

• Right now, it’s 8:30pm on Saturday night and my head keeps wanting to hit the pillows, I think I will put on Season 4 L Word and crash. (Every night I play a DVD anticipating that I’ll watch it, every night I wake up at 2am to find a blindingly bright laptop screen and a DVD main menu staring back at me, I wonder if some nights I even make it through the credits.)

P.S. Photos as per Mex’s request and the answer to Lucy’s questions in my next post ( I cant, for the life of me, find the list you were referring to, Lucy. I remember blogging it, but no idea where it is, I’m gonna keep looking). If you are lucky I’ll also tell you why I jumped off a train the other night and walked home on the tracks, how many of you can say you’ve done that!

I made it through a whole quarter of a century, that’s a bit of an achievement I feel. It’s sort of funny to think that all the “big deal” stuff I’ve done in that time have almost all happened in the last year. In my year of being 24 I managed to (in chronological order): come out to myself and a few other people, admit to Wifey that I was madly in love with her, make it to my final semester of university, go out and live in the middle of the outback for two months, come out to most of  D’Family, pass everything at uni and graduate with an undergrad degree, start being paid as a real teacher, hold a rockin’ going away party, visit Japan for the first time, be a Maid of Honor, move countries, live alone and work full time. That’s a lot for one year, right?

My plan for the coming year is kind of undecided at the moment. Currently I am toying with the idea of coming back home if I can’t find a “good” job in the new school year. By not being allowed to teach properly at the school at the moment I’ve realised that teaching is something I am actually passionate about and I do want to do it properly. I don’t know if I’d move back to Brisbane for sure, knowing that I can survive moving countries makes me feel brave enough to move states or maybe I could go out bush? For a moment I thought that leaving so soon would make me a failure, but what amount of time would equal a success? I think it’s one of those things that you can’t measure. I would really like to stay here longer, as much as I miss home, I still want to be here. I’d just love to be working more normal hours and earning better money because at the moment I am growing very tired of living week to week. I don’t expect this to change in the coming month, possibly it will in December, but it’s hard to be patient.

I have been so lucky this birthday, I have recieved so many lovely presents from my friends both new and old and it’s been so lovely. On Friday I went out with some of the teachers from school for dinner and got a super cozy blanket and slippers, some goodies from Lush and a little penguin umbrella. Today when I met my Twin (thusly named as we share the same name but also think in an alarmingly similar way, which I think is SO exciting because I’ve never met anyone who thinks like me before) she gave me lots of fabulous things like vanilla scented bubbles and nail stickers and some books to practice Japanese!! I’ve been wanting to get some for ages but have not had the time, it’s so awesome. Combine all this with the beautiful bento Deanne gave me last weekend and the awesome pj/lounging pants Best sent me, I’ve been spoiled!! D’Mummy mentioned she bought me a “little something”, I expected it to be maybe a card or a DVD or something but in further discussion she admitted she bought a 20kg prepaid posting box to send it over so I suspect it’s not quite so little.

Pay day is tomorrow. It could go either one of two ways, I’ll be elated to get some money or I will be very jaded to find I can afford to pay rent and nothing more. I don’t get paid for a full month (because I haven’t worked a full month yet) so my pay next month will be better but it’s a long time to wait, particularly when there is Christmas presents and stuff to buy.

Oh wells. I know I have been  a shit blogger lately, I have about 6 minutes of free time a week these days so I’m doing the best I can. Just in case, I’m opening up the floor in honor of my birthday for you to ask me a question (or 7). They can be about anything and everything but chances are that if it’s dodgy, I’ll skip it. I do have some standards to maintain, you know!?

So, November 8 will be my one month Japaniversary! It comes the day before my 25th birthday and two days before I get my first real, grown-up pay. I think we all know how much things have changed in a month, so I won’t keep banging on about it, except to say that I am so totally and completely grateful for my life and the people in it.

Now that things have settled down, and I have been able to stop focusing on making it through on a day-to-day basis and start making plans. I don’t recall ever making plans before, of course I have done it on a small, every day level but not on a big, world-is-my-oyster scale. I think the biggest plan I’ve ever made was to finish uni and move OS and now that I’ve done that, I need to make more. I also need to make little plans, I have been so focused on the big picture that the small, day to day stuff has fallen by the wayside in the worst way.

Little Plans

• Eat a salad and at least one piece of fruit each day. Totally lame, right? Eating is probably the thing that has suffered the most since I’ve arrived. I have so much food in my house, so many green grocers right by my house yet I eat almost nothing good or fresh on a daily basis. It’s not like I even eat rubbish food though, I just don’t think I eat enough these days. I eat toast a fair bit, have made spagetti a few times but aside from that I think I pretty much run on iced tea, animal crackers and egg sandwiches. The days I made bento I eat fairly well but on the days I don’t bother, it’s bad. Deanne bought me a beautiful (and adult sized) bento box for my birthday so I will be able to pack all sorts of wonderful things in it!
• Less tea, more water. I would say that it’s easier to buy tea (iced, hot, flavoured, green, black, and everything in between) than bottled water here, that said, I drink a LOT of tea and not much water. There are worse things I could be drinking but iced tea is not better than water in terms of my health and overall well being, so I am going to have to ration myself.
• Learn to cook. Another reason I eat so badly is because I don’t cook well, I have no recipes in my personal repotiare and almost all convenience foods here contain meat. Being vege in Japan is not so easy, if you eat out a lot it would probably be a little better but in terms of all the quick food type things that you can eat at home (frozen foods, cup noodles and stuff) it is all meaty. Fake meat is also incredibly difficult to come by. I suppose things would be a little easier if I spoke/read more Japanese and could ask about things, but in my experience and hearing about that of other veges in Japan makes me think that fake meat doesn’t really exist here. The other thing? No ovens, so everything has to be cooked over a burner or in the microwave. The toaster oven barely counts because it doesn’t fit very much so any substantial meal would require things to be cooked in hundreds of tiny batches. When I get paid I’m going to get a rice cooker, that will open up a few other options.
• Stop shopping. Lately, I have been shopping like the world is about to end. It’s my money that I am spending and it’s not just on credit so that makes it slightly better, but I still have so much stuff that I need to reel it in so I can do all the boring grown up stuff like SAVE. Some of the shopping has been house stuff…some more useful than others, but I’ve still bought my fair share of rubbish. I need to move away from the “ZOMG, I have to buy this because it’s cute and Japanese and I might never see it again so I need to now” and into the “I live here now, so it’s extremley possible that I will see it again, and if not, that’s ok, too” mindset.

Big Plans

• New job. Let me start by saying I really like my job, it makes me happy and it’s great experience. However, it is not where I want to be forever. The hours bite ass and only having time to sleep, shower, eat and change at home before having to go again is not conducive to long term well being. I am thinking I’m going to try again for one of the international schools I missed out on last time, in the new school year. The money is a fair bit better, the hours are much better and it’s about the same distance from my house as my current school is so the travel is fine.
• Start my family. Settle! Not the traditional kind of family. While I am at my current job, I am not in the position to have a furchild. I am not home for long enough, do not have the time to go for special walks and I don’t have the time and energy to spend on a new child that I would like to spend. If I was able to get a job at the other school, I could get a furchild. I would have more time and energy to spend looking after it and would be well placed, financially, to cater to it’s every need. I hate waiting, it tears my heart out whenever I see little dog clothes on sale or see someone walking their wee friend but it’s one of those “greater good” type things.
• Move. I love my area, I even really like my apartment but it’s not somewhere I want to be forever. It’s a really dark place, I have to open my front door and peek over the fence to even see the sky so the natural light aspect is lacking. There is also no balcony and no places I’d feel comfortable leaving my futon to air or hanging washing out to dry, not to mention the lack of counter space in the kitchen. It’s quiet and close to the station which is awesome, but I’d just like to tweak a couple of little aspects if I got a new place. It’s not a pressing concern by any means, more one of those things you’d like to do in the next year or so.
• Learn Japanese properly. I am picking it up, little by little each day, but I know a point will come when I stop learning just from being around the teachers and kids and I’ll have to do some proper study. I’d really like to be able to speak Japanese well and I think it’s a little insulting to live someplace for an extended time and not try to learn the language so it’s defs something I want to do.

Lastly, but not leastly, I am having my first visitor!! Super SusieQ is coming for Christmas with me until mid Jan. To say I am excited would be a gross, sweeping understatement. I am so looking forward to having one of my friends in Tokyo to show around, having someone to talk to at my house, having someone to have Christmas with! It’s going to be so awesome, plus SusieQ will mean that there will be 4 other lesbians in Tokyo! Also, there is a slight possibility I’ll be back in Oz jus before Christmas. I was speaking to D’Mummy the other day and she did a terrible job of asking about my plans for Christmas and if there was anything I was planning to do during my holidays. She then suggested that maybe if I had nothing to do, I could come home for a visit (just for something to do, of course, not because they miss me or anything ;P). I said maybe, but I don’t know if I’ll have the cash to pay for another return flight and they she said that D’Olds could pay…if I was interested. If they still want to pay I’m planning on being home for the week before Christmas, leaving just in time to beat SusieQ back here and plan our first orphan Christmas extravaganza.

Right this second though, I am going to do the dishes, clean my sink and burners and then make some food for lunch this week. I am attempting apple bunnies in my bento which will be cute and a good way to eat more fruit. It’s only 5pm but it’s pitch black here now so I am resisting the urge to just hop into bed and crash, I need to do shit first if I don’t do it now it won’t get done for a week!!