Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known

That’s the color I choose to represent everything at the moment. Beige.

Work? Beige – Not the pretty beige, but the ugly, tired, grey-ish beige. This has started to affect my mental health which terrifies me.

Health? Beige – I have been eating *badly* lately because I’ve been sick, and because I’ve been sick I should eat better so I feel more healthy, but I’m not so I don’t. Vicious circle.

Mood? Beige – Last week was a shit week at work. I can only hope that the coming week is better. I am starting to become exhuasted from going to work, not because of the hours but because I spend the entire time with my neck scrunched up and my jaw clenched tight as the physical manifestation of my stress levels. My teeth hurt because I am cleanching them so hard and on Friday, after another “incident”, I was struck down with the most pounding headache I’ve ever had which just radiated in every cell and I was honestly concerned that my brain was actually about to burst from stress.

Thundercat was helped into the next life last night. For a few weeks now he has been spending an increasing amount of time being unable to submerge properly and consequently, floating – belly up. A few days ago he looked a lot better and was swimming normally but yesterday he spent most of the time floating lifelessly and just a little bit of time thrashing around helplessly trying to stay under water. I googled and found out that it was most likely his swim bladder which had an infection as he had trouble submerging a couple of months ago, but he seemed to get over it, but then it got worse again. I read online that if it’s clear your goldfish isn’t going to pull through you can put them in some water in the freezer so they just go to sleep (and then freeze, obvs) and I felt it was a much nicer way to go than thrashing around in the water, trying to stay upright and breathe. I feel really mean for doing it, but if the situations were reversed I would much rather someone help me to die peacefully than watch me thrash around attempting to breathe.

I have so much to do and no idea where to start. I need to start listing all of my furniture and things I need to sell on the online classifieds, I need to start actually packing the stuff I can pack and sorting out what needs to be diced. I need to prepare for another 6 day week of school and work out exactly how this whole quitting thing is gonna go down. I don’t have the inclination to do any of this and would  much prefer to just hibernate in my futon until it’s time to crawl out and get on the plane.

I am considering quitting via email. I know it’s silly and irresponsible and wildly unprofessional, but I honestly just don’t think I can do it in person. If I knew my bosses would be angry and still remain professional then it would be ok, but I’m about 98% sure that it will involve personal insults being spat at me and generally being torn to shreds by both of them and I don’t know if I can handle that right now. In fact, I am pretty certain that if that was to happen I would pretty much just go home and retire to my futon and not come out again until it was time to go to the airport, I just don’t have it in me to take a battering like that at the moment. I need something in the way of justification that it’s acceptable to do, or even just understandable. I’d love to be able to be a proper grown up and quit properly but I truly feel like I can’t do it.

Only a week until Best comes. I can do this. If I ever needed my Bestie – the time is now. She is the most perfect distraction/fixer of low moods because I see her so infrequently it’s always a pleasure to spend time with her and it overrides the other shitty bits. I am going to go and force myself to do something, I’m thinking my laundry and more tidying up.

• Less than a month until I’m back in Vegas. Fuck-sticks!

• Just over a week until I get to squeeze the Best. This makes my heart feel like exploding!

• O-Ramz-sicle got herself a job teaching out in the far depths of Far Away Town in Nowheresville. I am super jealous, she is gonna have the best adventure being out in the middle of no where, it’s such a fun thing to do and I know she’s gonna rock the school. She’s also gonna make bucket loads of cash and will most likey be so rich she’ll be able to pave her own golden bricked road back to Bris Vegas to visit, and there is no one more deserving of such good fortune

• I very almost told Mrs Satan to shove her stupid fucking job on Tuesday. Myself and two other Japanese teachers got in trouble for something* which prompted me to become so angry I was shaking and it took all my self control not to stand up, tell her, in no uncertain terms to fuck herself and grab my coat and bag and leave. * Something = an issue that is some days totally fine and other days entirely unacceptable, depending solely on her mood. It’s not even the fact we got in trouble for it, that made me so mad, I have almost become used to getting in trouble for shit I didn’t know about in the first place or stuff I’ve done as directed – not telepathically knowing her mind has changed and it is no longer the right thing to do and therefore the very “wrong” thing to be doing. She spoke to us in a way that would have suggested we were naughty children who needed to be spoken down to and put in their place. I almost cry when I think of quitting, and how joyous it will be to no longer be under the regime of evil.

• I am quite the hot mess today, not hot in the good way, more like hot as in steaming. I thought I looked passable this morning but when I was shopping before I tried on some sunglasses and caught sight of myself. My hair looks absolutely shitful, needs to be re-dyed (doing it tonight) and cut (as soon as I get back to Bris), my skin is absolutely shocking (due to wonderful lady hormones and stress), I have eggplant colored bags under my eyes, my nose is red raw from having a cold and constantly using sandpaper-grade tissues and generally look as if I’ve rolled out of a cardboard box and into the store. I almost feel compelled to find every and every person to have crossed my path today and personally apologise for being in their presence looking like this.

• I have developed an addiction to “Snyder’s of Hanover”‘s Garlic Bread pretzel pieces. They are kind of like garlic flavoured pieces of bread stick. So fucking wonderful, garlic and bread, two of my most favourite things, plus they are cheap!! If you were to cook some haloumi and then like crush these up and make a crumbed covering for the haloumi out of the garlic pretzel dust I’d most likely self combust from awesome-ness, it would be physically impossible to contain the glee that would result from the combination and I’d just burn and die.

• I bought the most wonderful handbag today. I have been thinking for a little while now that I’d like a new handbag to take back home with me. It needed to be something that goes with all colors, large enough to contain my important shit, appropriately stylish to be dressed up as necessary but also completely cool with jeans and the like and it also had to be cheap (most importantly). I was shopping this afternoon and ventured into a shop I like (but have never bought from) on my way back from the ATM. I saw it on the shelf, adored it, picked it up absolutely convinced that I wouldn’t be able to afford it (or justify the price, anyways) and almost squealed with delight when I saw the price tag. For about 35AUD I got the most awesome bag ever! It’s got big stripes in brown, super dark blue (like ink), cream and a dark forest green, it has nice plaited handles and is just all round fabulous. I know it’s sounds totally ugly, but you’ll have to trust me. I might even post a picture at some point. It will go with black or brown shoes, jeans and work clothes and work for job interviews or shopping. I am gonna use it once I finish school here, I don’t wanna taint it by bringing it to school. I also bought a second handbag (because I am PMSing and buying shit makes my lame, girly, self feel good), it’s only a wee little thing but it’s actually extremely well designed and will hold a bunch of stuff, it’s cream and has a giant toggle on the front, and Lord knows I love a good toggle. I will use this one as soon as I have a weekend free to actually leave the house (I’ve got my second one day weekend in a row coming up).

• Finally, I will share a story. Because I am pathetic and lonely, I talk to the stray cats who live in my neighbourhood as I am walking around. I do this because I miss having a cat terribly and Japanese cats listen to me when I speak English, unlike the majority of the human population. Anyhow, I was walking home from school this evening when I heard one of my regular cats meowing in a long, low fashion – like when he wants me to see him and usually stands up from wherever he is so we can talk. I started talking back to the cat, trying to work out where it was so I could talk to it’s face (oh yes, I am so lame that I prefer to look to cats in the eye when we speak, as a matter of good manners). I noticed him sitting under a parked car, looking all crazy eyed…and then I noticed why. He was in the middle of sexy times with another cat, mounting her and biting the back of her neck (he’s quite the gentleman). I am not sure if I should feel incredibly dirty or flattered in a creepy way that this stray cats speaks to me in the same “voice” as he uses while he is sexing with a lady cat… I’m leaning towards “dirty”.

I figured this might be a bit fun, I’ve watched a few TV shows and movies that have featured a confessional of some sort, so maybe I’ve been subconsciously inspired…that or I just feel like blogging something easy but interesting (for a change!):

• I’m 25 and I still really love Hello Kitty. I wouldn’t get a HK tattoo (I don’t think) but I really love her and everything she stands for, forever cute and sweet, how could anyone hate that??

• I love the 80s more than the average person should. It makes me very happy – I love the tackiness, the geometric patterns, the color combinations, the clothes and especially the music. Never invite me to an 80s party unless you want to do it properly. I almost cried at an 80s party when I requested “Karma Chameleon” and the DJ didn’t have it. Fuck off, unless you have Culture Club, or some Boy George at the very least, don’t dare call yourself an 80s DJ. Don’t even get me started on people who think dressing in neon makes them “80s”.

• I find it very easy to get very attached to fairly arbitrary things. Right now, I am having an exceptionally hard time with the idea that I may have to leave a blanket behind in Tokyo when I come home. I love this blanket, it’s really soft and lovely and all round comforting, but it’s also a little…large and doesn’t feel fold up to be in any way reasonably sized to pack in a suitcase. I have bought one of those vacuum air sealing bags to try and compact it down so I can wrap it up and post it, I will be fairly heartbroken if it has to stay behind.

• When I was younger,  I used to be almost perpetually worried that I was dreaming and I’d actually wake up and realize everything I’d ever done never happened. Not that I ever did anything totally unbelievable to warrant this though, I was just always worried that my life wasn’t real and that I was actually just a baby who still had all this living to do. In hindsight, I suspect it had a great deal to do with uncontrolled anxiety and the gut wrenching fear that I might have to do it all over again if it wasn’t actually real. Yes, I have been extremely high strung ever since I can remember.

• When I was in preschool, I got hit in the face by a plastic cricket bat…back in the day when kids could play with shit like that at preschool before everything got all “workplace health and safety” on us. I got smacked in the face, it really hurt and I learned to stand clear away from bats and balls of any kinds. I still remember the name of the boy who did it and the exact spot in the preschool yard where it happened.

• One time when I was about 12, I was building a sandcastle with D’Bro at the beach and I was lying on the sand digging a tunnel right underneath it. A guy walked by and made an extremley inapporpriate comment about what it looked like I was doing. A little later that day I was introduced to this guy as a friend of D’Daddy’s from the surf club. I didn’t say anything and he got awfully quiet and a whole lot more polite. He died a few years ago of a drug overdose, so I suspect making inappropriate suggestions to tweens wasn’t his only vice.

• I’ve only kissed two boys ever, one of them was plenty of times and one was just once..on Schoolies. My only girl kiss has blown each and every one of those away by a million percent.

• I feel truly indebted to Zoloft. This magical little pill has changed my life in ways I can’t even begin to describe and now allows me to function with a sense of normalcy I never knew existed. I will proudly admit to anyone who is interested that I am medicated, and will be forevermore, because it has allowed me to live a life I previously couldn’t have dreamed of.

• I am a huge believer in gut feelings and I will not do something if it doesn’t feel right. As far as I’m aware, this has never saved me from anything but I will never stop doing it. I think bad things can happen when people try and ignore what their gut is telling them, sometimes what is logical is not always what is right.

• This is possibily the greatest thing I’ve ever done. I love my fingerstache more than any of my other tattoos, and more than any of the tattoos I will ever get. It makes me endlessly happy and even if I could never show anyone else, I would chose to have it done every time because it brings me infinate joy. It’s the best measure of people I’ve ever encountered. When people first see it and ask what it’s about and I show them, they react one of two ways 1) “Ummm, is that suppose to be a mustache? Why would you do that, is it real? You seriously had that tattooed on your finger…right….” 2) “ZOMG! That is the coolest/funniest/awesomest, etc thing I have ever seen, you are fantastic, let’s be BFF”. K, the BFF thing might be a slight stretch, but those are the two reactions. I don’t know anyone who is neutral to it, nor is the reaction based on friends vs. strangers. I’ve had shop assistants flip out over it who don’t know me nor had any reason to try and flatter me with compliment overloads and I’ve had friends who’ve reacted the first way. Basically, if you don’t get the ‘stache, you don’t get me. Yes, it’s a completely stupid and pointless tattoo, but that’s the point. If you can’t appreciate something for its sheer hilarity then jog on, good sir, jog on. That said, I’m getting a second one done when I get back to Oz, the only thing funnier than one stache is two!!

• Heavens, I can’t think of anything more to spill right at the moment, so for now I will lead you onto my 100things list. I used to be a mainstay link of mine but over the course of several design changes I guess it has never really made its way back to being featured.

Ugggghhhhhhh. The kids at school are dropping like flies and I think one of the little sweeties has gone and infected me too. I’m pretty sure it’s not this big, horrrible, scary Japanese flu that my bosses keep banging on about, I don’t feel *too* bad, just super cold and super tired. I went to school today after feeling like shit yesterday and scraping myself out of bed this morning but Mrs Satan made me take my tempreature this morning and then sent me home when it was 37.7. I thought that the normal body tempreature was 37, and this was while I was in a heated room, wearing thermal underwear, a long sleeve tee and a hoodie so I didn’t think it was so a big deal but she demanded I go home and rest. Who am I to not go home from school when told to?

I spent today lying on my futon watching the Pushing Dasies DVD SusieQ burned for me, I love that show! I also napped a little bit. I feel alright but I suspect anything more than sleeping and watching DVDs might be beyond me so I’m taking tomorrow off as well. There was 10 kids absent today so they can totally survive without me teaching at the moment.

I know why I am sick (aside from the children), I am run down and stressed and the weather here warmed up for a bit then got really cool again and if anything is bound to tip me into sickness, it’s the weather. Tomorrow marks the final countdown, one month of Tokyo living left. So much to do, so little time and all of that.  All that and Best and BP arrive in a couple of weeks which is both incredibly thrilling and stressful because I have to give them a fun holiday amongst trying to sort out an international move.

I’m off to cultivate new strains of disease while I cough and dooze in and out while watching DVDs.

Since school has started back, I almost felt sorry that I was gonna quit. The bosses hadn’t been too shitful so I almost forgot why I hatd them..aside from the fact they run a shit school with a pointless curriculum and treat their teachers like slave labor and the kids as nothing more than an annoying result of the parents paying exorbetant fees, but aside from that – they are alright.

Today, I lost the tiny shred of respect I had regrown for them and I’m back to bing happy to fuck them over. I know it’s silly and petty and totally immature and if I thought for a single moment that anything I’ve done at the school so far would, in any small way, be positive for my future career I would not even consider the possibility of burning the bridge – but I fear it’s almost detrimental to admit for working for such a school so I’m not fussed. The kids have to learn a particular Japanese song and (as usual) some of them were playing around and not really listening. Usually they get a couple of warnign and then either get taken outside and spoken to or put in the naughty chair, and even that is rare normally a warning or two is more than enough to pull them back into line. Anyways, this morning Mr Satan* came in to watch the kids singing and noticed two of the boys goofing around. He made them stand up in front of all the other kids and shouted at them for a bit and then made them sing the entire song (they didn’t know properly) alone, in front of everyone. One of them was almost in tears and the other wasn’t far off. I was livid and walked out of the room because it was the only thing I could do to stop myself stabbing Mr Satan in the neck with a sharpened pencil.

I don’t think the kids should be allowed to screw around, I do think they should pay attention – by all means – but embrassing a four year old in front of all of his peers for doing something that would normally not even warrant a trip to the naughty chair? Not cool. At all. Mr Satan seems to enjoy making others feel small and stupid, he’s done it to other kids before and has told me the key to making kids learn something is to make them cry, then they’ll respect you. Funny, in my six and a half years of studying education I must have missed that section on the textbook. I always thought if you treat kids with respect then they will respect you, clearly I’ve been wrong. He also does it to the other staff, and even did it to me when I basically had to beg for some of my pay early one month to pay my rent.

It makes me glad that there are no new enrollments next year, they need to learn that they cannot run a school they way they do or treat people the way they do and think it’s acceptable. It tears my heart out to think of leaving the kids behind but most of them will only be there a year or two longer or be pulled out when 70% of the staff quit at the end of this school year, so I know they’ll be alright. The kids are so, so smart. Crazily smart and beautifully behaved and just charming children to be around and I wish that the bosses treated them that way because the kids actually look up to them and want to make them proud and it kills me to see them be crushed by people who enjoy doing it to others.

Why are some people so shit??

* May or may not be his real name.

…or not.*

* You have my full and complete permission to not read more of this post once you get past the first paragraph. I know I’ve been banging on about this for a very long time and it’s never happened so please feel free to dismiss me if you please, I am very aware that I’ve done everything possible to prove what I flake I am in this respect so it’s all good, we’ll still be cool if you skip this one.

This year, I am going to participate in a market of some description. Maybe it will be weekly, maybe it will be monthly, maybe it will just be a “one night only” type deal, I don’t know. I’ve wanted to do this since high school which has now been a good ten or so years of wanting to do this. The reasons I’ve never done it are completely and totally related to self sabotage and self confidence. Sitting behind a table of the stuff I have made and watching people look at it and pick over it (or worse, not look at all) is, to me, a direct reflection of their thoughts and feelings about me. I am incredibly attached to this things I make and the possibility that they might not be liked is heartbreaking, it would be like having your baby come home from school crying because they were weird compared to everyone else.

To be fair, the other part of the reason I’ve never done anything is because I am lazy.  I feel that having done the whole moving countries thing alone and working a good 50 or so hours a week for the past four or so months has shaken the lazies out of me. Hauling one bag of stuff to someplace in the same city for a day or so is much easier than moving furniture and suitcases and junk alone or leaving home at 7am to return again at 9:30pm some days, so seeing as I’ve survived all that, I can hardly pike out on this.

I love sewing and making things, of all the things I miss living here my big barrels of fabric would be number one. If I could have something just teleported from Oz, it would not be our couches or my bed, it would be my fabrics. Before I left I sold the very vast majority of my collection but I have still retained some of it because I couldn’t bear to part with it. I love sewing, I love finding old fabric to recycle into something cool, I love thinking of cool ways to use beautiful trims like ribbons and buttons to make things that will (hopefully) delight others. I also love making jewellery but my first love has been and will always be sewing, particularly hand sewing.

I’ve been browsing Flickr, Craftster and all my other usual suspects in the crafty genre and I am literally bursting with inspiration, so much so I’m scared my brain will pop and glitter and rainbows will start oozing out of my ears because it cannot possibly be contained anymore. I can’t really do anything about it just now, everything I buy now is just something else that needs to be shipped home in a month or so, so I am restricted to drawing patterns and madly saving pictures and links as inspiration for when I get home. I did however buy a couple of Japanese craft books last night (24/7, 3 floor book store right near my house, love it!). I figured books are alright because they are flat, incredibly expensive to buy at home and easy enough to take back with me. There is lots of beautiful embroidery and cross stitch inspiration inside, I could salivate.

All this web trawling as also helped me define the style I want to create for myself. I will be leaving a lot of clothes behind when I leave here so my wardrobe when I get back to Oz will be small, but perfectly formed (or so I’d like to think). I know the wardrobe/style I want and now the only challenge is to stop buying things I like and only by the things I like that fit into this aesthetic. I have had a very mismatched wardrobe for a long time because I swing between hippy/boho type stuff, anything pink/cute/fluffy/sparkly and also a little bit..indie, I guess? Which is all well and good, but it’s incredibly difficult to mix all those genres together to form something that doesn’t resemble an op shop having thrown up on you. For the sake of consistency, and dare I say it – style – I’ve decided to limit myself to the boho vibe and work on developing this aesthetic. No worries in Oz but in Japan, home of “kawaii”, it’s very, very hard to resist buying everything candy colored, sparkling or Hello Kitty.

In other mind boggling exciting news, the lovely Enny has recruited me as her jewellery designer for her upcoming wedding. It blows my mind that she thinks so highly of my work that she wants it for her wedding, let alone the fact that I have permission to create whatever I feel will work with the colors/theme she has chosen. I am beyond excited about it! Plus, it also helps me to feel all pumped and excited about creating again when someone already thinks I’m a bit clever

Finally, I officially applied for my Masters. I submitted my application, paid my fee and now…I wait. In a sign from the heavens, I went to apply and then saw the closing date had passed, then noticed the little disclaimer saying the applications were being extended until Jan 20. Clearly, it’s meant to be. It also makes me hopeful I’ll get accepted because I have an education degree, experience in language teaching, and I’ve applied (hopefully the extended deadline means that they are wanting more applicants and will thusly take anyone). If all goes to plan, and the lovely Oz Government decides to spot me for another year of tertiary study I’ll have a Master of Applied Linguistics by the end of this year. Win! Because I am a big, giant lame-o the thought of being a student again made it very hard for me to get to sleep last night because I was all giddy and excited.

Now, off to be a good fish mother and clean Thundercat’s tank then I might go and have a coffee and salivate over my craft books some more (or do dishes, seeing as that is far, far more important than ingesting anymore caffeine right at this moment).

I’m in a far, far better mood today, but a good 8 hours of sleep and an extra 6 or so degrees in the temperature will do it. See, I’m easily pleased!

I have decided that my newfound coffee habit has probably contributed to my rageaholic tendancies of late. Usually I’m hovering someplace between “super tired” and “about to literally fall over and sleep” so doing anything outside the absolutely necessary daily activities is just far, far too much work – however – since I’ve started drinking instant coffee at school to 1) stay warm and 2) continue to function on very little sleep I’ve also developed a buzz which allows me to properly internalize the rage that I usually feel but am too tired to act upon. Having said that, I’m still gonna drink the coffee, it’s nice to not be so tired that I fear falling asleep standing up on the train if I can get in a comfortable enough leaning position and it’s probably good to practice the self control required to not punch my bosses in the throat every time I see them.

In other news….nothing, really. My apartment is an absolute pig sty at the moment, it’s truly disgusting and so overdue for a big clean up so that is what I’m gonna sort out today. I am also going to venture out to the post office and to Sunshine City, but aside from that, nothing else – just cleaning. Tomorrow I want to start sorting out what will be in my suitcase when I fly and what will be “excesss”, I need to know how much extra shit I’ll have so I can plan how to get it all back home.God, my life is so exciting right? You just wish you could be me!

Tokyo has totally warmed up since my rant the other day and my friend told me that it is supposed to start getting a little warmer again now. I will be super thrilled if that is the case, I can handle it being around 6 degress and upwards but 0 – 4 kind of area makes me exceptionally unplesant. It very occasionally gets that cold at home but it’s a very different kind of cold, here it’s super dry, seeping cold that seems to get into into your bones and chill you and at home it’s kind of just cold that you can cover up and escape from. In a little over a month I’ll be back in the sunshine again!!

I managed to “put my back out” in my sleep the night before last and spent yesterday shuffling around school like a Nanna, I hope it’s sorted today because it was super painful and I have shit to do that will be unplesant if I have to do it while I feel as if I’ve been kicked in the spine. Stupid getting older, it’s just rough.

We have to first get out of this bar, then the hotel, then the city, and then the country. Are you in or you out?

Anyone who can guess the movie wins…..nothing, it’s a really obvious one, especially considering the content of this post.

Well, heavens, it’s all coming together at last. I’ve set my move-out date, I’ve booked my flight home, emailed some movers and am about to book a hostel for a couple of nights when I’ll be homeless, once again, in T-town.

**I closed the draft last night, I was too tired to write anymore. The rest is from today and I’m in an extremley shit mood, see if you can’t guess it)

Moving is a bitch. I’d say it’s worse moving back someplace than moving to start somewhere. I’ve managed to accumulate so much shit awesome stuff that it’s going to be a right pain to get it home again. I heard back from a couple of movers and they are quoting ¥50,000 for about 20kg via sea. Ummm, fuck off. It is cheaper to buy a flight for all my shit than send it via sea and at least with a flight it will arrive overnight and get to watch movies on the way home. Fuck it all, I think I’m going to go either unaccompanied baggage or sea mail through the post office. The majority of things will be winter clothes which I won’t need for several months in Oz (or ever, if I go to the NT) so there is no real reason to send it back via a quick method.

In other news, the kids were shit today, it was stupidly, unreasonably cold and I spent more money on clothes so that maybe one day I won’t feel like my blood is going to crystalize in my veins. I am really over being cold. I GET it, Tokyo, alright? You’re cold, super cold, far colder than Brisbane ever gets. You’ve made your point, I’ve bought almost every item of winter clothing for sale in an attempt to remain alive and functioning over the last couple months so please, knock it off already. Being perpetually cold and shivering makes me super hungry and extremely unpleasant, particularly when I work for stingy people who strongly dislike turning on the heat meaning that I work in an environment only slightly warmer than an igloo – which may or may not be true as I’m lead to believe igloos can become rather toasty once they get warmed up. Unlike the school which remains like…an ice cave? I don’t know, but it’s the coldest indoors place I’ve ever been in.

For now, I’m gonna sleep for a miserable few hours, wake up, have a very long, hot shower then get dressed and get cold again while doing so before layering on as many clothes as I can without making my jacket being unable to be buttoned, and trudging off in the freezing cold for another shitty day at school.

Fucking fucks. *tanty*

• It’s fucking cold here. They have forecast the chance of snow for the next two days which makes me want to sit and home and cry just thinking about it, but I will have to man up and deal with it. I bought a new jacket today. It’s mid-thigh length and black and far more attractive than my old coat (which is like just longer than waist length and cream, and the horrible nylon-y type fabric. I loathe it, but I bought it back in November when the jacket were only just being put in stores so the pickings were slim). The best thing was, it was on sale, hurrah! I must say, when Tokyo does a sale- they do it properly.

• I was in such a shitty mood before. I went shopping and I have money and I can actually spend some of said money, yet there was very little I wanted. I demand to know who is responsible for packing away all the cool shit when I can afford to buy it and only putting it back out when I have no money left. It’s cruel and unusual and it happens far too often for it to be mere conincidence. Someone is messing with me.

• I started off the new year at school on Monday with one mouth ulcer. By Wednesday it was two ulcers and yesterday it was three ulcers who have seemed to merge into one mega ulcer. It’s awesome…and by “awesome”, I mean shitty. I only ever get ulcers when I am stressed, so it’s fair to say being at school stresses me out. Not only am I constantly afraid of getting in trouble for doing something (despite the fact I am usually 1) never told in the first place 2) told to do it, but then bosses had changed their minds and didn’t tell anyone) I am now also terrified of making it to the next pay day without anyone let slip that I will be quitting immediately after the fact. I am not on a  contract, they never bothered to make my employment official which means I can stop turning up for work and there is nothing they can do, but it also means that if they find out I plan to quit they could essentially stop paying me and there is nothing in place to prove I’m even employed there. It’s just not great and it makes me nervous.

• Can you believe how shitty the world is becoming?? So many businesses closing down or going into recievership, people losing their jobs, people losing their homes. It’s just so bad. In Japan it’s expected that 85,000 part time workers will be laid off by March and there is huge problems with not providing enough temporary accommodation for the growing numbers of homeless people. I am very thankful to be trained in a field that means I’ll always be employable – people will never stop breeding so there will always be someone for me to teach. I’m also super thankful that my parents own our house, so whatever happens it will always be ours. I believe things will become worse before they get better, but I hope we can learn something from all this.

• Weeee. This was officially the most depressing post so far this year. Let me try and turn it around. Good things are as follows: ice cream, the fact it’s a long weekend here, Mountain Dew, new jackets, warm beds, having a cozy apartment to live in, Skyping D’Mummy and making me feel much less…eeeh about everything today, ordering cool sandals on sale to be delivered and waiting for me when I get back to Oz, thinking about being back in the warmth, seeing my Twin over the long weekend, seeing Best in a month (!!!!!), D’Olds taking holidays when I get home so they can spend quality time with me, seeing the cat at the fruit shop today, clean sheets and pillowcases, spending the night in with DVDs, internets and chocolates tonight. Mmmmmm!

Hello Pets! Nice to see that you’ve made it into 2009 with me!

I had a super low-key New Years Eve which was awesome, I hate going out for NYE – I just am not into it so I always feel like a big party pooper. SusieQ and I woke up late, got ready even later and hopped on a train for 45 minutes and headed to a 7 level hundred yen store. We spent like four hours shopping there, came out laden with purchases and weary with hunger, ate Subway and then headed back to my apartment for drinks and bad TV. It was just perfect – and warm, which is increasingly becoming my only consideration when doing anything – how warm it will be.

I made some goals for 2009. I don’t like resolutions, I think just because it’s a new year it’s not always the right time for people to change their behaviours and thusly “fail” their resolutions. I think if you want to change or improve something then April 28 or September 3 are just as valid dates as January 1. I don’t even really want to change my behaviour as such, I just want to have some things to work towards in 2009, so that is what I listed. Those things are:

• Learn guitar or uke
• Get one paid writing gig
• Get my first aid cert
• Define my personal style – wear more dresses and skirts
• Return to Japan to visit Osaka and Hiroshima
• Visit Adelaide (I want to visit every state in Oz and I have decided to make Adelaide my place for this year)
• Save at least $2000 by Dec 31st. (This means I must have $2000 by next NYE – not save it then spend it on a holiday or something, just have it there)
• Become a one-drink wonder. (I was going to stop drinking all together this year, but I decided that being a “one drink” person would actually be harder for me. I am not going to drink to get drunk at all this year. I am going to have a glass of wine to appreciate the taste or a cocktail to try one I’ve never had before – no dirty pre-mixed drinks, no spirits!)
• Change my hair – not big cuts! (Nothing drastic but I want a new style and I’m never commited enough to grow out my hair so I have some options. I’ve not had my hair cut for like 3.5 months now so it’s getting kinda long which is good!)
• Get my bees and Sarah Silverman tattoo (Not a tattoo of Sarah Silverman, that would be weird. It’s a tattoo of something from her show)
• Launch the new blog/site
• Score a real teaching gig
• Stop impulse buying
• Buy more recycled clothing
• Try roller derby

No lofty goals or anything that will be particularly diificult to achieve, but it’s stuff I will have to make happen as opposed to just letting stuff happen and going with the flow. That’s all well and good for people who want to just have “go with the flow” stuff happen, but I want more so I just have to do more to get it, I guess.

50 more days left in Tokyo. Fucking, I have so much to do!!