Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known

This week has to be better, last week has to have used up all my bad luck so I should be back to being alright again, right?

Last week:

• Miss Jones and I had a bit of a argument-y thing and also started to talk about the possible break up stuff when she goes OS.

• D’Nanny ended up in hospital with heart problems (that still isn’t sorted).

• I found out a parent thinks I am “unapproachable” and another parent complained about the G-rated Jimmy Neutron DVD I bought in for the kids to watch.

It doesn’t sound like much, but essentially every aspect of my life, aside from my friends was just burried in shitiness last week.

The stuff with Miss Jones just sucks, I just hate that a really awesome relationship might have to end for no reason other than distance. I always knew that she was going away and I chose to actively ignore it but now that we’ve only really got 3 or 4 weeks left together (after you take out all the other bits and pieces she’s doing before she goes away) it’s just shit. Another international move is not on my cards this year, and this is something that Miss Jones wants (and needs) to do alone so I won’t be going too. It might turn out that she is gone for a month and then comes back but she is leaving with the view to be gone for a while so I am not really going to get my hopes up. The long distance thing isn’t really an option either because Miss Jones isn’t into it. Consequently, I’m thinking of pissing off for Term Four – out to someplace far, far away from everyone and everything to teach for a bit. Being in Brisbane now without Jac is shitty enough, but without Jac and Miss Jones? I don’t want a part of that.I want her to go and have a great time and experience everything and all of that, but I don’t want her to go, I just want to do happily ever after with her. Is that so much to ask?

I remember years ago when I went on holiday with A and Little A and we were sitting around playing that “Would you rather…?” game and I got asked “Would you rather meet the love of your life and know that you’d only ever have 6 months with them or have a lifetime of happy relationships but never meet the one?” I said I’d rather not have someone knowing there would be a definate end date because that would be heartbreaking, particularly if it wasn’t a normal break up – if it was just a case of no longer being able to be together. Turns out, it is just as shit as I imagined but I am also selfish, I would never, ever wish that I’d never met Miss Jones but I just don’t want it to end. I want to have my cake and eat it too.

D’Nanny isn’t critical or anything, but it’s still not great. Her heart isn’t beating the way it should and for a younger person it isn’t a massive concern but for someone who is 86, it’s not ideal. They’ve done a couple of things to try and get it to be normal again but as yet nothing is working. The final resort is to basically reset one’s heart, by stopping it and then starting it again but obviously it’s not a great idea to be stopping the heart of an old lady for any reason, so I don’t know what will happen.

Work. I am just severley underwhelmed with everything. One of my favourite people there has gone to work in another centre, there is a shit fight going on between some of the other staff and the owners, they’ve put the fees up so parents are getting angsty and it’s just reasonably unpleasant there at the moment. I am simply doing my job and trying to stay out of the drama. It’s becoming increasingly tempting to go back to relief work because the money is better, you get to stay out of all the drama and bitching and there is more work out there than you could jump over so staying full time would not be a concern at all. I don’t know and I suspect I don’t even really care anymore.

Come on, this week, please be better!!

• God, this thing is just getting stale these days. My life consists of work, seeing Miss Jones and not much else.

• I had a weird dream last night. I was at some event, kinda like a fair or something, and I needed to go back to where I parked my car and this random guy offered to drive me so I went with him. During the drive we were chatting and he was telling me that I am destined for greatness and that I shouldn’t ever doubt for a moment that I am going to end up being anything less than completely spectacular and to get ready because it will be happening soon. The dream in itself was a bit strange, but stranger still is that it’s not the first time I’ve been told that. I have been told by people, who don’t know me and have no reason to be nice, that there is just something about me that makes them think I will “be something”. It’s a really nice idea, I won’t argue if I am destined to be something awesome, but I don’t really see how it can happen? Obviously, it’s not my place to question to logistics of it all and to just be ready when the time comes. I’m getting my haircut tomorrow so I’ll be all presentable again, so anytime from now is just fine!

• D’Mummy delights in forwarding all the cute animal fowards she gets at work to her home email address and then showing me once she gets home. No, she doesn’t get forward them onto me but brings them up on her own screen then makes me scroll through them. This works for me because I’d rather not get ten thousand animal emails but looking at the occasional one is alright. Today there was one with a baby rabbit and oh my fucking god, do I want a baby rabbit? Is it bad that I think baby animals are infinately cuter than baby people? If I could give birth to a kitten or a baby squirel or something the whole idea of reproducing would be so much more appealing.

• This morning I’ve been doing opening shift at work, while I dread waking up in the 5am bracket, I do love finishing work before 3pm. It always seems like I wake up and look at the time about 3am, then it feels like I merely blink and it’s time to wake up already. Clearly a couple of hours in the wee hours of morning travel at warp speed. I don’t like it. Next week is back to late shifts which I don’t really like but it means I can stay at Miss Jones’s place on school nights so that makes it better.

• Speaking of Miss Jones, we cracked three months the other day. It feels longer than three months – probably seeing as I spend most of my non-working hours with her and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I am quite mad about her, plainly and simply, the thought of not seeing her for a month or so when she does the London thing is almost unbareable.

• Masterchef = best.show.ever. Agreed? I fucking love it, so much. I liked Justine best but now she is gone so I guess my hopes fall onto Julie’s shoulders now. Chris needs to take off his fucking hat, but I like his sleeves. Andre is pretty useless but good on him for winging it this far and Sam. I don’t know, Sam bothers me and I’m not sure why. I might be because he cries. I love Julie, she cried when she killed the fish and shakes when she does a challenge – she is good people.

My violent heaving a couple of days ago must have caused my brain to dislodge slightly, because it’s the only explaination for what I am about to confess.

I really, really want to do another undergrad degree…maybe even full time, internally. I like working and I really like getting paid, but I don’t have to think. Aside from ensuring the wee ones aren’t hurting themselves or others, I don’t really need to think about what I do on a daily basis. My biggest thrills are when I am asked to proofread something for my director because I am the most qualified person working there. It’s not to say that EC teachers don’t think, by any means, but when you work in a fairly prescriptive environment where things are only allowed to be done in a particular way it just doesn’t require any brain power.

I watched a show produced by some friends of Miss Jones last night, and got to hang around with the people from her course (who I’ve come to know, a little bit) and they are all so passionate about what they do. They just love it. After the show they started to bump out (when they take down all the lights and set pieces and shit so the theatre is clear for the next thing to go in) and despite the fact Miss Jones was just an audience member, she couldn’t help but climb up the scaffolding and start taking down lights.It made me realize that I am fundamentally pretty indifferent to what I do and if it wasn’t for the little people themselves, I could probably never set foot in a classroom again and not be too bothered by it.

I realise it’s an incredibly privledged thing, to want a career that fulfils on a personal level as well as making a living. I just think life is too short to do something you are “meh” about, particularly, education. How unfair to teach little people who are just so interested and excited about everything when you’ve become jaded yourself?

So my plan? Bachelor of Fine Arts (Creative and Professional Writing)…yes, yes, the Bachelor of Fuck All joke is still funny I, myself, am a big fan.

Just for something different, I’m not gonna throw in the towel and go for mid year entry (as much as I’d like to). I still want to get my new site running, now that I have the funds to pursue it (not so much the time, but we’ll work around that). Deb has also asked me to be involved in a fundraising project she wants to undertake so I’ll be doing some writing for that too.

Yeah, I don’t understand me either, don’t feel bad.

Firstly, before I go ahead and be all disgusting, let me give the biggest congrats to my lovely Miss Jones who has gone ahead and scored herself a secondment working in London’s WEST END on Dirty Dancing in August. It’s seriously big business and West End is something a lot of people in her professional only dream about for their careers and she’s managed to get her foot in the door. I have no doubt she’ll blow them away and will be in hot demand when she is officially graduated. Big claps all round please! xxxx

So, now onto the juicy bits….literally.

I woke up this morning with a seriously sore tummy, I thought it might just be a tummy ache so I didn’t really care too much about it. I felt like chucking so I drank water and went outside and waited in the car for a few minutes until Miss Jones was ready and then the motion of the car and cool air seemed to make it a bit better. I dropped Miss Jones off and her film shoot and then started driving home to get ready for work and I coughed. After I coughed I got the icky taste in my mouth that I always get before I vom, and then it was on….

For reasons I cannot understand, I covered my mouth thinking that might actually stop it but instead it just forced the vom out all around my hand so it was literally from my eyes down to my knees. Once I started I couldn’t stop and managed to go another four more times. I was driving on a major road during peak hour so there was no chance to stop or pull over, so I just have to chuck all over myself and keep going.

If you’ve never driven home with your thighs pressed together to stop the vom juices from your lap from leaking on your apolstery, you’ve never lived. I stripped off as soon as I got in the door and jumped in the shower to make myself human again. This daring act set me off again and I spent some time expelling the very last little bit of my stomach contents and then worked on displacing my liver.

After that I called work and told them but was told I have to come in because they can’t replace me, so too bad. Right now I am waiting for my docotor appointment so I can see if there is anything I can take for it, but I almost suspect there won’t be seeing as I managed to throw up the water I drank this morning. I couldn’t want to go to work less, I am so tired and completely lacking in any sort of energy but what can I do? I am sure I caught a bug from the kids seeing as a few of them have been away with a similar condition so I’m either going to go and infect them all or get get a second helping. Awesome.

I am sipping some water and I can feel the third round bubbling up inside. I’ve already managed to chuck on myself in the car and in the shower so no doubt I’ll go for the trifecta of embarrassing voms and go for the Doctors waiting room floor or something classy like that.

Anyways, that’s my big story. I never, ever vom so it’s always a special occasion when I do so I wanted to share the story….bet you’re glad you clicked my link today??

• This. I won’t lie, there were tears.

• It’s hilarious, this week almost all my kids have come in with temporary tattoos over them. The kids constantly look at my tattoos, particularly the one on my ankle, and it seems to have inspired this latest temporary tattoo craze. It’s cute, they want to be like me!

• A lot of my parents have been commenting lately that my room looks great and that they like what I am doing. It’s so nice to hear! Seriously, these people are leaving their most precious things with me for like eight hours a day so if they are happy with the time I am spending with them, I am thrilled. I have spent a long time making our room look like a place that is filled with fun and creativity rather than the empty shell it previously was, and I’m pleased with how it is working. I suspect we’ll be moving onto fairy tales in the next week or so, there has been a lot of interest in dragons and princesses so we might get into that a bit more.

• Jesus tap dancing Christ, it’s fucking cold in Queensland at the moment. Like stupid cold. This morning at 7am I had to pour hot water on my windscreen to remove the layer of fucking ice. This can just fuck right off. It was less cold in Japan, I would actually prefer a Japanese winter day to the day we had today. This afternoon (much like heaps of other people) I went and bought some more winter clothes. When I came back to Australia I left a heap of winter clothes in Japan because I was so over being cold and only wanted to think about summer. That is all well and good but now, it’s winter, and I had like two jumpers. I went to KMart (I know right, Hey Big Spender!) and bought 4 jumpers, then bought a jacket at Target. I will be well sorted for the next while, I got a mix of daggy stuff and nice things so I am covered for all social occasions. It was funny to see how many people had a trolley loaded with blankets and/or a new heater at the shops this afternoon, obviously Queenslanders don’t do winter well.

• Miss Jones and I are having a “hot” weekend, starting tomorrow. This hotness will not involve any nakedness or questionable acts but it will involve blankets, heaters and tracky dacks. We are planning a big weekend of cracking the heater, piling on the blankets and simply enjoying being hot. My goal is to wake up sweating in the night! I love being hot, I’d take a perpetual summer any day!!

• I am going to sleep like nobody’s business tonight. Miss Jones is off seeing Pink tonight so I am slumming it at home with The Olds. I am obviously a Nanna because I am thrilled to be having a cup of tea before I hop into bed in a little while and read for a moment before going to sleep. Yay for sleeping, it really is the best.

I am shit with money.

It’s not a good thing to admit to, people are generally only willing to be “okay” with money or “savvy” but I am not. If I have money, I tend to spend it hand over fist until I have none. All the time I was unemployed since I’ve been home I never once felt like I had no money (despite actually having none) and now that I get paid it has become a perpetual concern of mine. This pay was pissed away – I bought new clothes, shoes, accessories. I went out, caught cabs, bought drinks and tickets to various events. I think I’ve spent about $350 on things that required it (a couple of pairs of pants and my CC bill) and the rest was purely spending money because I could.

This pay is going to be done differently. I want to pay off my CC/repay the Olds, I want to buy a new button press, I want to buy a color laser printer, I want to save money for my future tattoos. I do not: need to buy more shoes or more accessories, need to drink cocktails at every opportunity simply because I can afford to, keep buying resources for school, buy stuff I like just because I can afford to, do *anything* simply because I can afford to. It’s alright, better to have worked it out now than in six months time when I have a whole bunch of stuff once aain, and nothing else to show for working full time.

This weekend Miss Jones and I had an impromptu night out at The Beat on Friday night. I drove in and spend about $25 on drinks for both of us and had an awesome time. Sunday we went to the Lifeline Bookfest and while I did spend about $50 on books, we both browsed for hours and came home with armfuls of books which will provide hours of enjoyment. Both examples of super fun times that had almost nothing to do with how much money I had or was spending, but was simply due to the company I had and that I was doing things I liked.

Last week was shitty, it was super stressful and I just felt really time poor and frazzled. This week is better, a four day week never hurts and I am back to doing good shifts where I get to see lots of my kids and don’t have to panic about closing the centre. I’ve also been inspired to start crafting again (hence the renewed wanting for a new button press) some “lifestyle” markets have started at my old uni which is a three minute drive from Miss Jones’s place, the place I spend my entire weekend. Not doing a market stall now is almost insane as it requires almost no effort on my part seeing as I am in the area every weekend and the only difference would be that I’d be sitting around at a stall possibly making money rather than sitting around on the couch or out spending money. I know, I have said it a thousand times before so feel free to disregard it, but one day I’ll do it!

P.S. I spent three nights with Miss Jones this weekend, it seems more and more like I live with her and that I merely come home to my own house after work sometimes and late on weekend to do some washing. At least half my shit lives at her place now. I feel almost antsy now at the thought of not seeing her until Wednesday or Thursday, it just feels normal to wake up next to her. I literally cannot comprehend the idea of her going OS for a while and having no physical contact with her and the slim possibility that she may not return is a fate worse than death, in typical Jen fashion I think I will just cease to recognize that possbility – if you don’t acknowledge it, it can’t happen.

• God, it’s been longer than a week since I updated, surely that is some sort of record? I have been busy with work and spending quality time with my ball and chain so it hasn’t left a lot of time left for blogging. Quick Review: Work – alright, I am doing a shitty shift this week which is causing me massive amounts of stress which is entirely unnecessary. The shifts have all been changed so there is a lot of dicking around and under staffing later in the day and it’s just a shit storm. I don’t like it. Miss Jones – spectacular. I went over after work yesterday and she had made me dinner and dessert AND we ate by candlelight!! Seriously, the nicest thing EVER. I was so over it by the time I got to hers, but walking in and seeing dinner being made and table table all set, complete with candles, it was very easy to forget my ordinary day. As part of dinner, she made garlic pizza which happens to be the most delicious foodstuff on the face of the earth. It was literally just a layer of minced garlic as thick as the pizza base itself and then covered with cheese but it was sooooooo good. I fucking love garlic, and I swear this will be seeping from my pores for the rest of the week, but it was so worth it.

• I am so excited for the long weekend, not only because it means a four day week next week (that is also further interrupted by a special performance on Tuesday morning, fucking yes!) but also because I am just so over this weekend. I’m going for a 3 night stay at Miss Jones’s which is so awesome, even if we do nothing it will be awesome. Not that we will do nothing, on Saturday night we have the lovely Deb’s birthday party for which I’ve been asked to play Mix Master General…or, rather she asked if I could throw together a playlist, but I rather fancy myself as a mixologist for the phat beats.

• Being paid = win. Going from a single digit bank balance to a four figure one overnight is pretty fantastic. I’ve done my best to piss through it like nobody’s business so far and, as it usually goes, I have almost nothing to show for it. Awesome.

• I saw the Comedy Festival Roadshow last Saturday with Miss Jones and it was pretty shit. Four comedians I’d never heard of and aside from the girl (Cecilia someone) it was a bit rubbish. In previous years I have cried from laughter at least once but this time, no. I am disappointed. We also saw Lesbian Vampire Killers the previous night and expected it to be a lame, cheesy, horror film and were very surprised to find it to be a pretty decent watch. Kinda dark, British humor and the story is a little bit lame but it was pretty funny and well done in terms of paying out the film it could have been.

• I am so excited to go to bed right now. Seriously, sleeping is the best thing ever. I am so wrecked at the moment that I spend a lot of time every day either guzzling coffee or fantasizing about crawling into bed. I swear that I am not as tired as I was when I was working in Japan but it feels like I haven’t slept in years. Yay pillows, yay sheets! I bought new sheets the other week, the are “vintage” Sheridan sheets from the 70s. Being used for almost 40 years has meant they are just incredibly soft and smooth and an entirely fabulous 70s purple floral print. I adore them!