Damaged

My violent heaving a couple of days ago must have caused my brain to dislodge slightly, because it’s the only explaination for what I am about to confess.

I really, really want to do another undergrad degree…maybe even full time, internally. I like working and I really like getting paid, but I don’t have to think. Aside from ensuring the wee ones aren’t hurting themselves or others, I don’t really need to think about what I do on a daily basis. My biggest thrills are when I am asked to proofread something for my director because I am the most qualified person working there. It’s not to say that EC teachers don’t think, by any means, but when you work in a fairly prescriptive environment where things are only allowed to be done in a particular way it just doesn’t require any brain power.

I watched a show produced by some friends of Miss Jones last night, and got to hang around with the people from her course (who I’ve come to know, a little bit) and they are all so passionate about what they do. They just love it. After the show they started to bump out (when they take down all the lights and set pieces and shit so the theatre is clear for the next thing to go in) and despite the fact Miss Jones was just an audience member, she couldn’t help but climb up the scaffolding and start taking down lights.It made me realize that I am fundamentally pretty indifferent to what I do and if it wasn’t for the little people themselves, I could probably never set foot in a classroom again and not be too bothered by it.

I realise it’s an incredibly privledged thing, to want a career that fulfils on a personal level as well as making a living. I just think life is too short to do something you are “meh” about, particularly, education. How unfair to teach little people who are just so interested and excited about everything when you’ve become jaded yourself?

So my plan? Bachelor of Fine Arts (Creative and Professional Writing)…yes, yes, the Bachelor of Fuck All joke is still funny I, myself, am a big fan.

Just for something different, I’m not gonna throw in the towel and go for mid year entry (as much as I’d like to). I still want to get my new site running, now that I have the funds to pursue it (not so much the time, but we’ll work around that). Deb has also asked me to be involved in a fundraising project she wants to undertake so I’ll be doing some writing for that too.

Yeah, I don’t understand me either, don’t feel bad.