“Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and
the wisdom to know the difference.”
vs.
“Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light”
Right. How is it that they both make perfect sense, yet seem to be almost an exact contradiction? First up we have words telling us that some things are beyond us and to deal with some stuff and sort out the rest and on the other hand Mr Thomas is saying to kick and scream when faced with a potential ending, fight as much as you can.
I am trying hard to accept that Miss Jones is leaving and attempting to be even slightly graceful and composed about it all. I don’t want her to not go, I just want her to come back or have some sort of idea of where it leaves us. I just can’t lie down and take it, ending a perfectly lovely relationship simply because of geography just seems so…..wasteful. I’m even feeling jealous, so many people get to have partners with them whom they don’t even like and I have one I am awfully fond of and I don’t get to keep her.
I don’t know what to do, I have no idea what I need to do to maintain my sanity. I seem to hover between being alright about everything and then just wanting to go to bed and sleep so I don’t have to think about anything. I don’t know whether to just stay here, keep my job and just go back to doing exactly what I was doing before I went OS. Alternatively I could piss off someplace far, far away as per my plan when I first landed, the other option I am considering is to do one of the former until the end of the year then consider moving to the UK. Clearly that would be a big move, and at the moment it would be 80% for Miss Jones and 20% because I want to but is that so bad? Really? What do I have to lose? I can always come back home again? Obviously I don’t want to go if she doesn’t see things the same way (and, of course, it’s a conversation that needs to be had before any sort of serious consideration of this option) but if it’s alright with her, I’d do it. I’d deal with the Northern hemisphere winter, plus in the UK they speak English so straight up I’m already better off than I was in Japan.
I am not ready to say die on this. Maybe it’s lame or pathetic or both, but so be it. If you don’t do what you are passionate about then why do anything? There is an extremely good chance I am going to end up looking like a giant tool who has pushed so hard that she’d ended up with a big, fat rejection but I don’t know if I can handle the idea of not have tried. I guess it has something to do with me having done the OS thing already and knowing something fantastic when I’ve found it and Miss Jones being ready to graduate and ready to go and do things on her own that makes it…conflict, or something.
I am super tired now, every morning I wake up happy and then I remember what I was trying to forget by going to sleep and I get all frustrated again. It’s just shit, even if this doesn’t sort out could I just have the work part of things turn out well? Or just make sure the family related business doesn’t turn bad and everyone stays OK? Obviously I don’t get all three but is just one of those three too much trouble? Please?!
I’m absolutely the later of the two quotes….
I didn’t realise the UK was an option for you in 2009/10 – I know this has been said before – but J and I are considering packing up and just finding a job over there in 2010. It could be D’Jen & Bestie do London 2010 – just one year later than planned ? I’ve paid the 400 quid to do a test to be accredited over there – wheels in motion…
W found a job, after one interview, after being in London for 48 hours…what GFC?
Comment by Nikki — July 4, 2009 @ 8:22 pm |
Man, this week was supposed to be better for you.
Since I hate advice, and I’m worried that you’re okay going through this ignore what I’m about to say if you choose.
Maybe J needs to do this trip on her own. In the same way you needed to go to Japan to prove to yourself that you could do it.
Saying that, I want you to be happy and for this to work out. Because you’re lovely and you deserve this.
So, consider this a Dylan vote.
Comment by Lucy — July 4, 2009 @ 9:50 pm |
I think there is a certain danger in the idea of going to the UK 80% to be with someone. I mean, sure, if for some reason it doesn’t work out \\you are still in a rocking place (geographically, not emotionally) and doing something incredible — but you are also a long, long way from home, and from friends and family. At that time, the distance could seem insurmountable, and London a very alien place. There is also a chance that if you were unhappy there you could end up resenting Miss Jones.
But you know what? Rage on. If something (someone) is worth having, they’re worth fighting for — if it’s better to have loved and lost, then it’s also better to fight for her and later have things not work out than to just accept it, and always wonder “What if…?”
Comment by Jay — July 5, 2009 @ 4:35 am |
Best, It’s a possibility. The idea of another international move makes me break into a cold sweat, but the fact it’s an ENGLISH SPEAKING country would remove 80% of the problems I encountered in Japan. I don’t know either way yet, just laying some cards down on the table. Don’t talk to me about W, I don’t care to know.
Lucy, Miss Jones defs needs to do this alone I was more considering going in like 6 or so months, when she’s sorted out all her shit alone and is established (if she does end up staying). I know I would have adored to have someone arrive to be with me in Japan once I’d worked it all out, but for the first part I absolutely needed to be alone.
Jay, I totally get it and that is my hesitation with just running off to the UK, if I do go, I need to have my own reasons for wanting to. I think it would be incredibly unfair of me to move halfway across the world and expect Miss Jones to make it worthwhile for me to have done so.
I don’t know yet, there is too much to think about.
Comment by Jen Somewhere — July 5, 2009 @ 4:32 pm |
Then that sounds like a solid plan, you’re raging but giving Miss Jones the room to do what she needs to do.
Man, I really hope this gets better for you, I really do chicken.
Comment by Lucy — July 5, 2009 @ 7:18 pm |
Lucy, yep, that’s it. I’ll be the angry one sulking in Brisbane while she does the London thing.
I hope it gets better, but I can’t help but think I’ve somehow unintentionally driven over a sack of kittens or like stolen from grandmas by accident to deserve such shit karma. I can accept if things don’t become sunshine and pudding again because maybe there is a reason for this, but if things couldn’t get WORSE, that would be tops.
Comment by Jen Somewhere — July 5, 2009 @ 8:43 pm |