Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known

Let’s review. In January, I posted my goals for the year and now the year is more than halfway over so let’s see what I’ve actually managed to do:

• Learn guitar or uke – Fail, don’t even own either instrument.
• Get one paid writing gig – Technical fail – I’ve been rewarded for my writing through tickets and shit, but not with cold, hard cash.
• Get my first aid cert – No….
• Define my personal style – wear more dresses and skirts – Win, I do enjoy a good dress these days.
• Return to Japan to visit Osaka and Hiroshima – Fail so far, and I have serious doubts I’ll make it back this year. I’d love to, but it’s not looking possible.
• Visit Adelaide (I want to visit every state in Oz and I have decided to make Adelaide my place for this year) – Probs also unlikely, I don’t forsee having the time or money for this.
• Save at least $2000 by Dec 31st. (This means I must have $2000 by next NYE – not save it then spend it on a holiday or something, just have it there) This is a distinct possibility, not there yet but it might well happen.
• Become a one-drink wonder. (I was going to stop drinking all together this year, but I decided that being a “one drink” person would actually be harder for me. I am not going to drink to get drunk at all this year. I am going to have a glass of wine to appreciate the taste or a cocktail to try one I’ve never had before – no dirty pre-mixed drinks, no spirits!) Win – I often go out without drinking these days and it doesn’t bother me at all. Another clear pass!
• Change my hair – not big cuts! (Nothing drastic but I want a new style and I’m never committed enough to grow out my hair so I have some options. I’ve not had my hair cut for like 3.5 months now so it’s getting kinda long which is good!)  Technical win, I have changed up the style and color. Nothing amazingly different but it’s different.
• Get my bees and Sarah Silverman tattoo (Not a tattoo of Sarah Silverman, that would be weird. It’s a tattoo of something from her show) Nope, not even close.
• Launch the new blog/site No, but this is self-sabotage. I could do it, but I have been lazy and unmotivated.
• Score a real teaching gig Win, but I kinda hate it, so there you go?
• Stop impulse buying Hard to judge, I suppose I have in a way because I have less shit but I still don’t show a great deal of restraint. I still have stuff I *need* to buy, so the majority of my purchases are still somewhat justified.
• Buy more recycled clothing Nah, not at all
• Try roller derby Not even close, but maybe after bootcamp.

Awesome. Clear proof I am almost all talk and no action.

As promised (by me, not her) Jac sorted out my life on Saturday morning over brunch. My (our) grand plan includes me having my shit together by November or she is going to apply for jobs at her school on my behalf and I’ll be going bush next year. “Having my shit together” entails a job that doesn’t make me resentful and starting up my special project blog site.

Tomorrow I start bootcamp. It has really snuck up on me, I expected a few more days but whatevs, now or never and all of that. In five weeks time I’ll either be fitter and more toned or dead from exhuastion – both options have their benefits. This coming weekend is the last weekend I’ll have with Miss Jones, we’ll have weekdays for a couple weeks and stuff but no more weekends. I don’t like it, not even a bit, but I am dealing with it. Bootcamp is my crutch at the moment, something to get me out of the house 4 times a week and prevent me from withdrawing completly and settling in for a long and intense pity party. Another great thing is that another bootcamp immediately follows this one, so I can just keep on going so I can ignore the pity party for a total of 10 weeks. I hope it will make me skinnier and buff and all the rest, but I’ll settle for a regular dose of endorphins so that combined with my brain candy I just might stay sane.

It makes me feel like a total nutbag to go to such great, specific lengths to maintain my sanity, but without that, I am nothing. I am applying for jobs at the moment, jobs that make me happy to think about and will probably require to use my brain on a semi-regular basis. I won’t even be required to wear a polo shirt, which I hate wearing even more than I thought I would. I want to sort the job before I start my site, I need to get the big stuff sorted before I do the smaller stuff, no cart before the horse business.

I just booked a “mystery room” from Miss Jones’ last weekend. It’s five star and has fluffy robes and slippers and a big TV and all that junk, I figured we may as well go out with a bang. I’ve never done the weekend at a hotel thing before so it will be memorable, if nothing else.

I guess the next few weeks are going to be make or break but for the first time I am trying not to ignore the elephant in the room and actually prepare for the crushing blow that is going to come. I know I will feel like shit, I know I will want to retreat from everyone and everything so I am trying to set up damage control. If nothing else losing a few kilos and meeting some new people will be alright, meeting new people would be a bit tops since my friends have a nasty habit of fucking off and leaving me (I think I need to watch All My Friends Are Leaving Brisbane).

What does all this mean for you? Well, stay tuned for some quality posting. There will be heartache, muscle ache, potential rejection, lonelieness and general self doubt in the near future. It’s just like a train wreck, you don’t wanna look but it’s just a bit too interesting to not just just away. Plus, after that shit storm there is a possibility things might get better for a bit, so you might even get a happy ending. Are you prepared to miss out on all that?!