All Filler, No Killer
7 Aug
- Firstly, is everyone excited by 12:34:56 today?! Granted that itself happens each day, but not every day is 7/08/09! I am very impressed, I love little naturally occurring bits of awesome like this. I wish I could do something memorable at that time. It’s a little too late to try and organise a wedding, seeing as we are T minus thirty minutes. Maybe next millennium!
- Why am I posting at home on a Friday? It’s a long story, beginning Wednesday when I lost my shit at work. The Director came in while the kids were eating lunch and basically told my assistant and I that parents were complaining and that almost everything we do is wrong and that is all needs to change to keep the parents happy. I didn’t argue and just accepted it, but after she left I told my assistant “That’s it, I’m done, I’m resigning”. Straight after that, he left the room and went and told her that I was stressed out and planning to quit so she called me out of the room for a “meeting”. The meeting basically consisted of her being patronizing, telling me to pretty well just tow the line and do what parents want and not worry about it because they think I’m doing an ok job. At the same time she also told me how lots of people find me “unapproachable” and that I should say hello to parents and talk about their children and pretend to be interested in them. I didn’t argue back, I say hello to everyone who walks through the door, I chat to parents who want to chat, but I’m not going to press a mum or dad who is on their way to work up against a wall and demand a conversation out of them, so call me unprofessional. Anyways, as she was doing all of this all I could think about was how basically I am shit at my job and all the parents hate me and what I am doing, I know it’s not true but when all you hear is what you do wrong it’s hard to remember what you do do right. So, I kind of got to the brink of tears during the convo and let a few slip. I never cry in front of people, I don’t recall the last time I cried in front of someone, but work just stresses me out so much that I couldn’t hold it anymore. I’m going to resign. I don’t know if I mentioned it but one parent in particular has an issue with me and is basically doing everything in her power to make me feel like shit about everything I do, the director doesn’t really care to defend me or support the work I am doing because it’s more important to keep parents happy and getting their money than defending the work of a qualified teacher to narky parents. I just want out, I can’t do it anymore. I’m home today because I am sick, again. I think the combination of dirty kid germs and the fact I am stressed to the max just meant I caught the latest thing going around.
- I ordered some Hello Kitty temporary tattoos as preparation for my real shoulder cap. I am going to get a Hello Kitty face as part of the the combination of bits, I do love Hello Kitty – I have done for so many years so I feel confident I won’t grow to hate her anytime soon plus, she’s like the face of Japan so it’s meaningful on two levels. The tattoo set also comes with a cupcake and icecream cone and other super cutey bits that I want to use as well. I’m slowly narrowing down the bits I want in it, and how I want it to all come together. I think when I come back from NZ I’ll start getting it designed and maybe have it actually done for my birthday. What better way to celebrate 26 than with a super cute, immature, girly girl tattoo??
- Boot camp is going well. The other night we did the same run that I did on my first night. The first time I could run maybe 1/4 of the way and really felt like I might die when I was done, but this time I ran 3/4 of the way and felt fine! I probably could have run the whole way but I was getting sick and it was after the particularly shit day at work so I was feeling a little bit more worn out than normal. I got my Bridge to Brisbane kit today, joggers have a maximum of 45 minutes to complete the course but I am just going the “general” section so I’d like to have it done in an hour. I think it’s a reasonable goal, not impossible and not too difficult.
- I am epically failing at being “broken up” with Miss Jones. See! I can’t even acknowledge it as a real break up, it is still an inverted commas break up. I still love her, I still want to hug her every day, I still need to speak to her daily but it’s not even one sided, she’s just as bad as I am. When she’s OS and chatting daily isn’t an option anymore I will be struggling. I’m still pretending that she’ll just come home in a while and things will be back to normal. I don’t want to think about the alternative. Yeah, I know this is probably going to result in a massive crash and burn but I still can’t help but be hopeful, there just might be a chance it will work out. Right?..?..?
I would be totally surprised if the parents thought you were unapproachable! Even at the shyest I’ve seen you (which I would say is the first time we met) you were nothing but friendly and open!! That’s totally bizarre to me.
Yay for the sleeve – what else will be in there?!
I have no advice for the Miss Jones breakup, other than to take it day by day – it is less likely to be a spectacular burn that way, it keeps the chance open!!
PS – when are you in NZ!?
Yo, Jen representing. Ok enough of that. Has Miss Jones told you clearly what she wants? Such as: I’m moving and it’s over (regardless of love)/ i’m moving and I may come back and if I do I’d like to see you/ I’m moving and maybe you can come over and we’ll work something out/ ?
It should be pretty simple (I know, I know, you’ve just cyber-glassed me for saying that!):
-She’s off OS and it’s over
-She’s off OS, it isn’t over (in which case long distance)
-She’s off OS, doesn’t want a long-distance relationship but might come back if it doesn’t pan out OS and then what? Call you? I’m not going to be diplomatic: if it’s the latter, then you are basically a doormat. A “I didn’t find anything that exciting (better than Jen) in London so here I am” option.
You need to know which one it is. If it is the last one, regardless of love, you need to raise your standards and demand to be treated like that special, rare, not-to-be-missed opportunity that you are.
P.S: fuck snarky, stupid parents. I’m grumpy today, can you tell?
I need to read more of your entries, but…I think we might be the same person!
Enny, I don’t get it either. Plus, I *make an effort* not to be shy or whatevs at work, so I’m actively TRYING to be nice and easy going and it seems to fail. I don’t get it? Sleeve = work in progress, making a list of all of the bits I want, so once I know I’ll let you know. NZ = first 2 weeks of Sept.
Jen, I probs should have explained more. Miss Jones does not expect me to wait for her, in fact she has actively encouraged me to get on with it but I WANT to wait. I won’t wait forever, but I am not ready to just walk away from the idea of “us” as soon as she’s on the plane. If she comes back in a little while, then we revisit the idea but in the mean time there is no expectation on her part for me to sit and wait, nor do I expect her to. Moving OS has been her plan since before we even met, and having been in the same position I totally get that it is something she needs to do so I am making no demands of her in terms of what she does with respect to that. I have been a professional doormat previously, but I don’t feel like I’m getting the shitty end of the deal in all of this, I am choosing exactly what I want to do and am happy to do it so it’s all good
Emily, yay! I like knowing I have clones! It means that my kind of crazy is not unique to just me!
Ooook,phew.
I’m only going by what you write here, but I’ve been reading your blog for a long time. Quite frankly I think your talents (and degree) are a dreadful waste on a day care centre. I don’t mean to cast aspersions on a day care centre, they play an important role in our lives and they were awesome to me and my children, but I really think there’ s a reason, why one is a uni course and the other not. Find somewhere that will value your skills. Why not try supply teaching for a bit until something comes up. What about the remote stuff that you really enjoyed?? Good luck.