New Directions
10 Oct
I’ve been wanting to write about this for like a week now, but I don’t really know how to start off so I’ve been putting it off. I think I’m gonna go with dots, just because it’s all confusing and stuff so this is probably the easiest way:
- Miss Jones and I are failing at being broken up.
- When she met “someone”, I didn’t really care to concern myself with the details and assumed the someone was a “Someone” and they were weeks away from moving in together and getting dogs.
- That was actually not the case.
- After being particularly lame and feeling fundamentally shaken by her leaving, I finally told her that I miss her heaps and still pretty well feel the same as I did about her while she was here.
- Turns out Miss Jones is on a similar page.
- So now? Well, nothing is different. I still don’t want her to come home until she’s ready, she still won’t come home until she’s ready but it’s become obvious that neither of us is really ready to just walk away from the idea of “us”. If she comes back in the near future, wild horses would not stop me from running, crying, all the way to the airport if I had to. Once there, I think we would need to construct some sort of adult size baby sling because it’s most unlikely that I would release my vice-like grip on her for at least several days so strapping myself to her would be the most practical option. The mere thought of her coming back makes me all misty-eyed so I generally can’t think about it for too long, lest I burst into tears.
- The idea of us ending and moving in new directions sounded all good in theory, but in practice? Not so much. How do you fall out of love with someone that you love with every molecule of your body, when they’ve done nothing to make you feel any different?? I’m sure that it would probably be the smart idea, to just cut your losses and move on thusly preventing any chance of future heartbreak, but I just can’t do it. Maybe I will end up crushed if Miss Jones ends up landing an awesome job and never planning on coming home. I am very, very aware of the risk I am taking by being just a little bit madly in love with someone who is living on the other side of the world for an indefinite period. I know there is every chance that things may just crash and burn and I’ll end up sitting in the shower crying my eyes out for a couple of weeks, but despite all of that, I still can’t do it. I can’t walk away, I am way too invested in her so I don’t even care. I’d rather risk having my heart broken than missing out on a chance, however unlikely it may be, to be with her.
- Just for some added lame, I’m all gushy about her at the moment. I get all excited and butterflies-in-the-tummy when I get an email from her or see her come online. I guess because it’s sort of returned to the “ooh, I wonder how much she likes me” days that it’s all fun and exciting. I google “time in London” several times and day and wonder what she is doing (I know I could just remember the time difference, but I don’t). I talk about her to anyone who’ll listen, think about her all day every day and get all excited about being able to tell her the mundane shit I do. Whoever came up with the “distance makes the heart grown fonder” stuff, really knew his shit.
I know some of you lovely people who are solely concerned with my well being are going to see this as an epic disaster which will only be a matter of time until a big crash and burn. I totally appreciate the concern, but I know what I am doing and I’m jumping in with my eyes wide open. While there is the chance things will go badly, there is also just as much chance of a happily ever after. I am absolutely willing to take that chance, however small. Turns out I really can’t just walk away from her, from us.
<3
I think the only way to really live and appreciate life is to jump in with both feet. You love the girl, she clearly feels the same. It would be silly to try and convince yourselves otherwise, and I don’t think it would do either of you any good.
It’s late and my brain isn’t working properly but I just want to say something along the lines of – GO FOR IT! Woo!
Awww, I fucking love a happy/ish ending. There are so many pithy statements that would be appropriate here, i.e. If you love something and set it free blah blah blah, but they’re all very wanky.
Instead I’ll just quote a very wise man, Tim Gunn, “make it work.” Do whatever you need to do to be happy.
Jay, so true. How is it even possible to forecast goodness anyways, you know? Sometimes the good shit goes bad, and the bad shit turns out well, so this has the potential for happiness which is good enough for me
Sharnee, lol, thanks
Lucy, very wise words. “Make it work” is pretty much what we are doing, I guess. Right now we’ll just play the cards we’ve been dealt and re-assess as soon as the need arises. Clearly the other option isn’t any easier, so we’ll just do what we’ve gotta do
Dude, it’s so hard loving someone so far away, not knowing if you’ll ever see them again or even if they want to see you again! I totally understand we’re you’re coming from and fully support your crazy notions of not letting go. You love her, so even tho you can’t be together right now, don’t let the feeling go. Not that you could really get rid of it anyway lol.
*hugs* You guys will work something out.
Well, all I can say is that I don’t have the foggiest clue as to what is going on between you too, indeed it isn’t really my business (despite the fact that I keep asking questions and reading your blog about it!). All I will say is that I’m NOT supporting you in what you are doing per say, nor am I saying you shouldn’t be doing it. Only time will tell what was the best course of action.
Hope you don’t mind!!!
I’m all for supporting in friendship, but not when I don’t really have a clue
but I know what I am doing
famous last words!