All Filler, No Killer
2 Dec
- I’ve been thinking about my “ideal life” post. It not something I wanna rush cause, dude, if you’re gonna be projecting every hope and dream you’ve got for your life out into the world for it all to come true, you don’t wanna miss anything, right?? I suspect it will be a rather epic post.
- I’ve done some paper cuttings for my shop and I threw them up on Facebook as a bit of a tester. (P.S. If you’re a regular, we should be FB friends, you’re missing out on SO much, FB is what is causing the demise of the blog.) I sold four in a day! I think they are a winner. I am doing another market on Sunday and I’ll take some more then and see how it all goes. Hopefully well!
- I’ve been using my Aura-Soma bottle for almost a week now. I hadn’t really noticed much of a difference so Joycelle suggested I amp things up a bit. I have felt things a bit more intensely under the new plan. I am having trouble using it as often as I should be, I tend to be in and out often during the day and it’s been super hot lately, so any non essential touching of skin has just been such an unattractive thought. Today felt better though, and I will be home more tomorrow so hopefully I’ll get a few more rounds done then.
- One things I did realize today is how often I am complimented. Lately, it’s been on my tattoos (which is lovely and so much better than the usual “Is that a real tattoo?” or “Wow, that’s a lot of tattoos”) but today a cashier told me my haircut was really pretty. I often get told I have great skin, good teeth, cool hair or something about my tattoos or perfume (strangely enough, I can usually never smell it once I put it on, but everyone else still can). I always say thank you but then immediately dismiss it and today it just struck me how stupid that idea is. It’s not just people being nice, I often get true and sincere compliments but I never take any notice but around groups of guys or teenagers, I actively listen and expect something nasty to be said. It almost never happens, but in my mind I almost suggest things that they could pay me about about and just wait for it to happen. How fucking messed up is that?? Today it just really struck me that it was so kind of this girl to say she liked my hair and that she serves hundreds of people every day and she choose to open her mouth and say something nice to me, how can I immediately dismiss someone. I do truly believe that the majority of people are good and kind but I kind of assume that I should be treated badly, almost like I deserve to be paid out about everything. I am going to stop being so fucking horrible to myself and listen to what people are telling me. It sounds basic and blindingly obvious but I always need a lightbulb moment to see things properly.
- I am pretty well ready to wave goodbye to 2009. Did anyone have a great year, this year? Pretty well everyone I’ve been talking to is so ready to see the arse end of this year. This year I moved back to Oz, started a masters, quit a masters, started a job, quit the job, did a quick run to NZ and came back and started a business. I also met Miss Jones which was an up, but now she’s gone and I’ve accepted that she’s as good as gone forever now, so that’s not awesome. It felt like this year had the potential for things to be great, but it never quite made it. In the next couple of weeks I’ll review my goals for 2009 and reveal my big plans for 2010 (not that I’ve made them just yet, but shhhh, I’ll have them ready soon!)
- Last night I had a dream that I got into the course I wanted at uni and I showed up to my first day. It was 8am – 8pm on a Monday, with no breaks. I was ok with that. It involved a train ride deep into a forest, then we had to track our way back to the building. We had to climb over a big, thick barbed wire fence and climb though a hole in a wall. We then also had to care for babies, except the babies I had were twins….who each fit in the palm of my hand and would often jump out of my hands and crawl under tables and behind stuff. In the dream, none of this seemed particularly strange and, even weirder, none of this made me think “You know what? Fuck this, I don’t want to do this course” and the time I was thinking “YES, I am studying fashion, this is so fantastic, I can’t wait to get straight into the cool stuff”. Let’s just contrast this with the numerous times I would drive to uni to go to a tute or lecture and arrive to find a line to get a car space and then just drive home again because it was too much trouble to wait. I should find out if I’ve been accepted either this week or in 2 weeks time (depending when they do the offers for the courses I applied for. Please cross your fingers for me!?)
Ooh – the compliments one struck home… what’s your strategy for dealing?
I mean, you do have awesome hair and a very lovely smile – it’s fact, not just me being kind. So what do you say in return?
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Excellent. I really want to write about my ideal life too. Can I send it just to you? I’m not as brave as you!
P.S.: plus yes, the baby dreams, have had very similar pocket baby dreams, one where they turned into kittens which in turn turned into vicious bitey things that latched onto my arm… and then some wonder why I am terrified of procreation