Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known

This week has to be better, last week has to have used up all my bad luck so I should be back to being alright again, right?

Last week:

• Miss Jones and I had a bit of a argument-y thing and also started to talk about the possible break up stuff when she goes OS.

• D’Nanny ended up in hospital with heart problems (that still isn’t sorted).

• I found out a parent thinks I am “unapproachable” and another parent complained about the G-rated Jimmy Neutron DVD I bought in for the kids to watch.

It doesn’t sound like much, but essentially every aspect of my life, aside from my friends was just burried in shitiness last week.

The stuff with Miss Jones just sucks, I just hate that a really awesome relationship might have to end for no reason other than distance. I always knew that she was going away and I chose to actively ignore it but now that we’ve only really got 3 or 4 weeks left together (after you take out all the other bits and pieces she’s doing before she goes away) it’s just shit. Another international move is not on my cards this year, and this is something that Miss Jones wants (and needs) to do alone so I won’t be going too. It might turn out that she is gone for a month and then comes back but she is leaving with the view to be gone for a while so I am not really going to get my hopes up. The long distance thing isn’t really an option either because Miss Jones isn’t into it. Consequently, I’m thinking of pissing off for Term Four – out to someplace far, far away from everyone and everything to teach for a bit. Being in Brisbane now without Jac is shitty enough, but without Jac and Miss Jones? I don’t want a part of that.I want her to go and have a great time and experience everything and all of that, but I don’t want her to go, I just want to do happily ever after with her. Is that so much to ask?

I remember years ago when I went on holiday with A and Little A and we were sitting around playing that “Would you rather…?” game and I got asked “Would you rather meet the love of your life and know that you’d only ever have 6 months with them or have a lifetime of happy relationships but never meet the one?” I said I’d rather not have someone knowing there would be a definate end date because that would be heartbreaking, particularly if it wasn’t a normal break up – if it was just a case of no longer being able to be together. Turns out, it is just as shit as I imagined but I am also selfish, I would never, ever wish that I’d never met Miss Jones but I just don’t want it to end. I want to have my cake and eat it too.

D’Nanny isn’t critical or anything, but it’s still not great. Her heart isn’t beating the way it should and for a younger person it isn’t a massive concern but for someone who is 86, it’s not ideal. They’ve done a couple of things to try and get it to be normal again but as yet nothing is working. The final resort is to basically reset one’s heart, by stopping it and then starting it again but obviously it’s not a great idea to be stopping the heart of an old lady for any reason, so I don’t know what will happen.

Work. I am just severley underwhelmed with everything. One of my favourite people there has gone to work in another centre, there is a shit fight going on between some of the other staff and the owners, they’ve put the fees up so parents are getting angsty and it’s just reasonably unpleasant there at the moment. I am simply doing my job and trying to stay out of the drama. It’s becoming increasingly tempting to go back to relief work because the money is better, you get to stay out of all the drama and bitching and there is more work out there than you could jump over so staying full time would not be a concern at all. I don’t know and I suspect I don’t even really care anymore.

Come on, this week, please be better!!

Firstly, before I go ahead and be all disgusting, let me give the biggest congrats to my lovely Miss Jones who has gone ahead and scored herself a secondment working in London’s WEST END on Dirty Dancing in August. It’s seriously big business and West End is something a lot of people in her professional only dream about for their careers and she’s managed to get her foot in the door. I have no doubt she’ll blow them away and will be in hot demand when she is officially graduated. Big claps all round please! xxxx

So, now onto the juicy bits….literally.

I woke up this morning with a seriously sore tummy, I thought it might just be a tummy ache so I didn’t really care too much about it. I felt like chucking so I drank water and went outside and waited in the car for a few minutes until Miss Jones was ready and then the motion of the car and cool air seemed to make it a bit better. I dropped Miss Jones off and her film shoot and then started driving home to get ready for work and I coughed. After I coughed I got the icky taste in my mouth that I always get before I vom, and then it was on….

For reasons I cannot understand, I covered my mouth thinking that might actually stop it but instead it just forced the vom out all around my hand so it was literally from my eyes down to my knees. Once I started I couldn’t stop and managed to go another four more times. I was driving on a major road during peak hour so there was no chance to stop or pull over, so I just have to chuck all over myself and keep going.

If you’ve never driven home with your thighs pressed together to stop the vom juices from your lap from leaking on your apolstery, you’ve never lived. I stripped off as soon as I got in the door and jumped in the shower to make myself human again. This daring act set me off again and I spent some time expelling the very last little bit of my stomach contents and then worked on displacing my liver.

After that I called work and told them but was told I have to come in because they can’t replace me, so too bad. Right now I am waiting for my docotor appointment so I can see if there is anything I can take for it, but I almost suspect there won’t be seeing as I managed to throw up the water I drank this morning. I couldn’t want to go to work less, I am so tired and completely lacking in any sort of energy but what can I do? I am sure I caught a bug from the kids seeing as a few of them have been away with a similar condition so I’m either going to go and infect them all or get get a second helping. Awesome.

I am sipping some water and I can feel the third round bubbling up inside. I’ve already managed to chuck on myself in the car and in the shower so no doubt I’ll go for the trifecta of embarrassing voms and go for the Doctors waiting room floor or something classy like that.

Anyways, that’s my big story. I never, ever vom so it’s always a special occasion when I do so I wanted to share the story….bet you’re glad you clicked my link today??

• God, it’s been longer than a week since I updated, surely that is some sort of record? I have been busy with work and spending quality time with my ball and chain so it hasn’t left a lot of time left for blogging. Quick Review: Work – alright, I am doing a shitty shift this week which is causing me massive amounts of stress which is entirely unnecessary. The shifts have all been changed so there is a lot of dicking around and under staffing later in the day and it’s just a shit storm. I don’t like it. Miss Jones – spectacular. I went over after work yesterday and she had made me dinner and dessert AND we ate by candlelight!! Seriously, the nicest thing EVER. I was so over it by the time I got to hers, but walking in and seeing dinner being made and table table all set, complete with candles, it was very easy to forget my ordinary day. As part of dinner, she made garlic pizza which happens to be the most delicious foodstuff on the face of the earth. It was literally just a layer of minced garlic as thick as the pizza base itself and then covered with cheese but it was sooooooo good. I fucking love garlic, and I swear this will be seeping from my pores for the rest of the week, but it was so worth it.

• I am so excited for the long weekend, not only because it means a four day week next week (that is also further interrupted by a special performance on Tuesday morning, fucking yes!) but also because I am just so over this weekend. I’m going for a 3 night stay at Miss Jones’s which is so awesome, even if we do nothing it will be awesome. Not that we will do nothing, on Saturday night we have the lovely Deb’s birthday party for which I’ve been asked to play Mix Master General…or, rather she asked if I could throw together a playlist, but I rather fancy myself as a mixologist for the phat beats.

• Being paid = win. Going from a single digit bank balance to a four figure one overnight is pretty fantastic. I’ve done my best to piss through it like nobody’s business so far and, as it usually goes, I have almost nothing to show for it. Awesome.

• I saw the Comedy Festival Roadshow last Saturday with Miss Jones and it was pretty shit. Four comedians I’d never heard of and aside from the girl (Cecilia someone) it was a bit rubbish. In previous years I have cried from laughter at least once but this time, no. I am disappointed. We also saw Lesbian Vampire Killers the previous night and expected it to be a lame, cheesy, horror film and were very surprised to find it to be a pretty decent watch. Kinda dark, British humor and the story is a little bit lame but it was pretty funny and well done in terms of paying out the film it could have been.

• I am so excited to go to bed right now. Seriously, sleeping is the best thing ever. I am so wrecked at the moment that I spend a lot of time every day either guzzling coffee or fantasizing about crawling into bed. I swear that I am not as tired as I was when I was working in Japan but it feels like I haven’t slept in years. Yay pillows, yay sheets! I bought new sheets the other week, the are “vintage” Sheridan sheets from the 70s. Being used for almost 40 years has meant they are just incredibly soft and smooth and an entirely fabulous 70s purple floral print. I adore them!

• I accepted a position. Shiny Place called and offered me the job on Tuesday morning, and after a fair bit of deliberation, I took it. It came down to the fact that it was possible I wouldn’t get Earthy Place, and I’d be passing up a pretty decent second option by turning down Shiny Place. The money is pretty great compared to Earthy Place and I also get my own class. My own preschoolers! It’s super well resourced and has great facilities so it’s hardly a shitty place, it’s just not the same as Earthy Place. Either way, I am pleased with my decision. I am really looking forward to having my own kids to work with, and I start Friday so the cash should be flowing momentarily.

• Miss Jones is not sleeping well and it troubles me. Is there anything worse than not sleeping when you know you need to be asleep? It always happens on Wednesday nights, when she has to work on Thursday morning. I’ve tried back rubs and hair patting in various different ways and none of it really works. I can put an entire room of preschoolers to sleep in 40 minutes but I cannot make Miss Jones sleep. I think she is gonan try some over the counter sleeping aides, I know that kind of stuff is not great but not sleeping has to be far worse. We are also gonna try flotation tanks in the near future. There is a floating place to too far from her house so I suggested we go floating, a forty minute float is meant to be similar to a night’s sleep and when if some extra resting ever a bad thing?

• Good heavens, it’s chilly! I haven’t had enough of summer yet! I only had 5 official days of summer back in Oz when I arrived, and while autumn was hardly cold it still hasn’t been quite enough for me. I am so looking forward to next summer, we can just go ahead and skip this whole winter deal.

• Miss Jones is looking to head OS around September. My curse isn’t broken, it seems but there is a light at the end of this tunnel…she’s planning on coming back! Being a dual citizen (bitch!!) means she is planning on going to the UK and pissing around and doing some work for a couple of months. Obviously, I’d never try and sway someone away from doing the whole “OS alone” deal but obviously there is a part of me who’d rather have her right here with me instead. It will be alright though, if it’s meant to be it will be. I suppose in the couple of months we’ve been together we’ve already done the major life change (my moving back to Oz, Masters, quitting study to work full time) and the near death experience (her motorbike accident) so I think we’ve done ok. I’m alright to sit here for a few months and twiddle my thumbs waiting for her to come back to our sunny shores. I’ve been single for years so a few months back to being on my own is hardly a concern for me. I will obviously miss her in the worst way, especially considering I get a little antsy after a couple of nights apart but she’s worth the wait, it’s that simple.

• Petals, I now have a favor to ask. Please share with me your most favorite memories of school, in terms of classroom set up or activities you did or whatever. I need to sort out all the stuff like a birthday chart and my own routines for the class, so I am calling for all your favorite ideas. I am thinking of bed bags (little bags of toys that keep the kids on their beds and quietly playing while the other still sleep), maybe a classroom fish or cool ant farm, maybe a lava lamp or a ceiling projector for sleep time or something. I’m also crossing my fingers for a laptop, the centre seems to be all into technology and being cutting edge so I reckon it means they could spring for a laptop for me

So, I didn’t die. I didn’t for a moment think my lungs might burst, and I didn’t have to cry or crawl or hang off anything lest I fall onto the wet grass and get bitten by ants. It seems I am a bit fitter than I thought I was which is almost disappointing, it seems living in Tokyo the land of infinate stairs and walking has actually done me some good.

I didn’t run heaps, I started off walking and then decided to run until I didn’t think I could keep going. I expected to last about 3 laps but I made it to 10. Noice. I did this a couple more times and then decided to go do situps and junk. You don’t wanna peak too soon, right? I usually throw myself incredibly deep into something, only to be so tired/sore/over it the next time I go to do it that I never do it again, so I’m trying to resist that approach this time around.

Seeing as I’m now exercised, showered, fed and dressed (I sound like a horse in a stable or some shit) I am tempted to make the most of this rare occurance and sort out of shit storm that is my room. It’s half unpacked, half rubbish tip with a hearty side of disorganisation and this doesn’t fly with me. I also want to find all my cool shit that I packed away before I left.

I’ve also started working on my “special project” site. Turns out there is actually a lot to it, and that making the actual site is the easy part. Who knew? I’m going to start writing content this week but I’m not quite sure exactly where to start. If there is anything you’d particularly like to read about drop me a comment or email or FB message.

So uni started today. I realised today I’d cocked up my enrolment (for the second time) so I spent the morning sorting that out. I should probably be feeling far more consienscious than I currently am, but I’m not. You know, what can you do, right? Anyways, I’ve got a year to get my shit together.

What I did do today was buy some folders and shit for uni and some running shoes. I decided that the only thing that could make 34 degree days better is to run… outside. So, that’s my plan, I am gonna run in our backyard in the mornings. I’ve also eaten a bunch of veggies and cottage cheese and other “real” foods and I feel far more nourished than I have in months. I know I won’t run heaps, I’ll be surprised if I last 10 minutes without dying of heat stroke or feeling like my heart is going to explode out of my chest but you’ve gotta start someplace, right?

I am also over my knee jerk reaction to move back OS right away. When I moved back home from living in my dirty share house it took me months to resist the urge to pour over share house ads to find someplace else. I don’t dislike living at home, but I just much prefer being left to my own devices. So now, while it would be heaps funner to head back OS it’s very likely that I’d find myself working another shitty job and not making sweet money so I just need to suck it up. Living at home is free, I have a big house that is empty when D’Olds are at work and Brisbane isn’t so bad, I guess. I am gonna work 2 or 3 days a week and spend the rest of my time on uni and doing shit I like, like sewing and learning to play uke (fo realz this time) and also trying roller derby. Yes, I am 26 this year and should probably stop pissing around and do something worthwhile but I figure there is worse things, I’m not a junkie, I don’t have 14 children, I’ve never been to jail so I guess in the scheme of things, if I’m 26 and living with my olds but have a postgraduate qualification and have lived OS then I’m still a worthwhile person.

And there we have it,  the crux of the issue – what I do is tied to my self worth. I suppose a Masters is a bit impressive but it kind of feels like I’m doing it simply for pleasure and therefore it doesn’t count so I need to do something else incredibly worthwhile with my time. Clearly, this year I am also going to attempt to improve my self worth, because it’s back to being quite shit at the moment.

Yay, how do you like that? I take you on a magical journey of words and leave you in a pity party. Sorry pets! Stories about my first attempts at running tomorrow, that’s sure to be a treat!

Alright, I’m getting better at being back at home. I no longer feel the desperate urge to nod off at 7pm, I am learning not to wake up after 7 hours sleep, regardless of what time I fell asleep (waking up at 3am on Wednesday morning was particularly enjoyable). I’m remembering how to deal with the constant heat and humidity. I’m remembering what living with the Olds is like. Remembering that there are no vending machines every 2 steps. Remembering that obsessively sorting garbage is not required here.

I’ve also had my hair cut and dyed, given myself a couple coats of fake tan and have had my first dose of Aussie customer service**.

I’ve seen a few friends, eaten some Aussie food and had a number of BBQs. My toes hurt from wearing thongs again, which just breaks my heart, but I am sure that will go away shortly.

My current dilemma is what to do with this year. Obviously, my Masters is pretty set in stone so I know I will be doing that, but I mean together with the Masters. I thought about my plan of teaching full time and doing my Masters full time and came to the conclusion that there is no doubt I will cock something up if I attempt it. I don’t want to make my Masters longer by fucking up subjects and having to redo them, and I don’t want to start my teaching career in Oz by doing a half assed job of it because I have so much other shit to do for uni. It’s only one year, so I may as well do things properly (for a change).

I do want to start sewing again, I really, really enjoy doing that and I will have time to actually do a market this year and not just bang on about it. I’d also like to try and do some English teaching or tutoring because I do sincerley enjoy doing that sort of stuff. I suppose the beauty of living with D’Olds is that I have the luxury of trying a few things to se what works best, seeing as I don’t have to worry about paying rent and feeding myself and shit. They may annoy the shit out of me at times, but the perks of living at home far outweigh the bad bits.

The other thing I’ve decided to do is work on what I put in my mouth. I don’t eat a massive amount of shit, and being vege means a bunch of fast food and stuff is not something I can eat anyways, but I do my fair share of contributing to the yearly profits of Cadbury and Nestle. On the plane on the way home I had cottage cheese and pineapple and it reminded me how much I love cottage cheese. I’d never eaten it until I tried the Body for Life thing a few years ago and it was a core component of the eating plan and I became quite fond of it. Now that I am back in a place where the food I can eat (and want to eat) is plentiful, a place where I have a huge kitchen and oven and any cooking implement I desire, it seems a bit stupid to continue to eat poorly. It’s not about weight loss or anything else, it’s simply about putting good things inside me. I figure once I have myself properly fuelled again and have stopped being such a carb and sugar addict then I’ll work on regaining some degree of fitness, but baby steps for now.

** This story is too good not to retell. On Wednesday (i.e. my first full day back in Oz) D’Mummy and I went to Officeworks so I could have a color picture printed to show the stylist what I wanted for my hair. The picture was printed and the lady who served us was doing the checkout type stuff when the other Officeworks Tool (OT) wandered over to where we were standing and looked at the picture I’d just had printed. Here is what went down:

OT: Why would anyone want to do that to their head, I just don’t understand it. Eeeuch.

D’M: (realizing I would potentially jump the counter and beat up OT, she jumped in to try and defuse) Oh, I don’t know, it’s just something a bit different. It’s only hair, afterall.

OT: It would be different to cut off my hand too, but I wouldn’t do that.

D’M: Umm, hair grows back. I think it’s cool hair, anyways.

D’J: *biting her tongue in half to prevent a tirade related how how much of a dickhead OT was proving himself to be by commenting on someone else’s choice of personal style from spilling out*

Seriously though, really, who the fuck does that? If I wanted to shave my head and tattoo my face it’s absolutely my choice and the dickhead at Officeworks should be polite enough to keep his opinion to himself. I though he looked like a total nerd who has $12 haircut and has not, and will probably never, encounter a real boobin his entire life but I would hardly comment on that, particularly to his face. I presume he did not realise it was the picture of my future haircut, but even so, he should have kept his mouth shut. Maybe I was a stylist and that was a cut I had done, maybe it was a picture of my best friend who had died of something horrible, in any case by commenting on my print job he just made himself look like a total ass.

So, I’m back in Oz, blogging from the same possie on the couch that I was so familiar with.

Inital observations about being back home:

• It’s hot here, like always. I woke up last night sweating. It was great.
• People here are noisy and they do everything pretty slow.
• There isn’t many people anywhere.
• There are lots of insects.
• Things are cheap.
• It’s really, really green here.
• I got super pale.
• I love cats and am not a big allergic to them here.
• It’s incredibly exhausting to hear English all the time, I have to make an effort to tune out to every conversation I overhear because I am so used to constantly listening to any bit of English I hear, just for the comfortable familiarity of it all but now when it’s all over, it’s hard.
• My bed is fantastic.

I made it to 8pm last night and just crashed, I fell asleep in front of the TV and didn’t so much as turn over until I woke up at 1am. I watched a little bit of an infomercial for an 80s CD package with Belinda Carlisle in the ad, and then fell back asleep until 6am. I am incredibly tired again now, not really sure why – I guess the combination of the heat and the fact I got 45 mins sleep on my flight home – that would probably help me to feel a bit out of sorts.

I got a tops haircut today and have dyed it kind of dark, flaming red. I’ve also bought a few new items of clothing and had several showers in my lovely, big, Western shower and I’m feeling a lot like myself again. I love wearing short sleeves and thongs. I bought some fake tan today so with any luck tomorrow morning I will look less like a giant, white snowflake and more like the color of the average Aussie.

I’m gonna go and crash again, because I am lame. I promise to be more entertaining next time!

Let’s look at some facts:

Nights left in Tokyo: 5

Nights left in my apartment: 1

Kilos of crap already posted home: 6.5

Kilos of crap I am yet to post back, seeing my suitcase is now as good as full: 2865 (approx)

Actual weight of the things to post back: 10kg (approx)

Items to go by sea to save money because I am stingy: 1 blanket (clearly not so stingy that I would just throw it away and not send it home. An interlude of a couple of months is bearable, a lifetime without it is not)

Total floor space of my apartment: 25 square meters

Total floor space of my apartment currently covered in random shit and dust bunnies: 23 square meters

Things to do tomorrow before I move out: 19,287

On a scale of 1 – 10, how glad I am to be going to stay my Twin’s house tomorrow night to live out my last days in Tokyo: 15

Percentage of time I am squealing with joy (inwardly) about seeing D’Mummy: 146%

Parties I have already been invited to back in Oz: 2

Hours spent worrying that my luggage will be overweight and I’ll be forced to pay thousands of yen to take it with me: 22.5/24

Days until I am back online: 5

Days it will *feel* like until I am day online: 194

Likelihood I am addicted to the internet: 100%

People who still read my blog and thus care about when I’ll next update: 4.2

Assuming they let me on the plane with my suitcase packed with candy colored trinkets and Hello Kitty shit, I’ll see you all again on Tuesday when I am back in the land of Oz….after I have eaten my body weight in vegetarian sausages, Cadbury chocolate and french onion dip and had a deep and meaningful reunion with my gorgeous bed, of course.

…in ten days time, I will be sitting on a couch. Or asleep in a big bed, off the ground and with many pillows (none of which will be filled with this buckwheat bullshit). I will have a tummy full of food which is familiar to me and comes from Aussie soil or is contained within a wrapper/packet that features information I can read in my first language. I will flick on the TV and understand what they are saying and I will be able to talk to D’Mummy whenever I like, face to face.

I’ve been stupidly busy since Best and BP arrived. I’ve been trying to be a decent tour guide so they have a somewhat reasonable idea of Tokyo and what my life has been like for the last few months. I’ve also been trying to pack up all my shit, sell my worldly possessions here, deal with real estate inspections, enroll in my Masters (I got accepted, ya-fucking-hoo!!!), half look for jobs for when I get back home and otherwise maintain other necessary aspects of life – like personal hygiene and eating and sleeping and junk.

I quit work, in person. It was shit as I expected but now I am free. I’ll give you all the gory details about all the important stuff once I am back but for now, I am way too busy and way too tired to get into it.

I sold my futon today so I’m now back to sleeping on the floor for a couple of nights until Best and BP leave Tokyo for the next bit of their journey. I’m not sure how much different sleeping on the floor really is to sleeping on a futon anyways, both are fairly uncomfortable.