Epic Win

22 Dec

I’m a Grace.

Dear Lord, it feels like I’ve signed a book contract or something. I wanted to be one soooooo much, and now I am. O’Neil and Chu liked my piece so I am in! I know a bunch of you want to read my sample blog so I’ve checked if they are going to post it, if they do I’ll link you, if they don’t I’ll throw it up here.

I’ll let you know my Grace name and all of that once it is finalised, I got the official nod while I was away and I came back home and went straight back to work so I still haven’t really processed it all plus emailing with awesome chicks on the other side of the world makes for some time difference issues.

In other news, I had an epic weekend with Jac. It involved hundreds of dollars worth of cocktails, some burgers and a motherfucking BUNNY RABBIT. It was supremely awesome, I think I can make it through until next time I see her because I’ve topped up on all the Jac-lovin I needed. Now she is off to London (story of my fucking life, much?) but unlike so many others, I believe she will definitely come back to me.

Better update when I’ve actually wrangled a day off and have survived Christmas. Happy holidays to you and yours if I don’t update before Friday. xxx

Good News Week

16 Dec

First, I got into uni. I always thought I was going to, then someone asked what I’d do if I didn’t get in and I had never considered that possibility, so I was freaking out for a while, but I got in. I’ve enrolled already because: 1) I am a big, fat, uni lover who can’t get enough of the “student” tag. 2) I want to make sure my place is mine and confirmed so no one will take it away from me.  I chose to major in management for my business degree and fashion for creative industries, it was gonna be management or HR, and I’m just a bit over the humanities type subjects, so management it is. I am sure it will involve some of the touchy feely stuff, but also strategies, and I fucking love a good strategy!

Two, Earlier this week I found out that Grace The Spot was looking for a new Grace. GTS is my favorite of all the lady lovin’ blogs on the net so I just had to email them and earlier today I got an email back from the editor-in-chief who told me they are looking for more writers and would love to have me on board. I just need to do a sample blog post for them to make sure I gel with the GTS style. I think I can do it, at least I believe I can do it. GTS is my style – informal, chatty and funny, and when I’m actually trying, I can be all of those things ;) Cross your fingers, toes and anything else you can manage to cross, I really want to be a Grace!!

Lastly, but in no way leastly, I SEE MY SISTER FROM ANOTHER MISTER ON THE WEEKEND. I have little doubt Jac is my twin spirit, it’s like we were split from the same embryo….while at the same time being fundamentally different in some respects. Regardless, I get to enjoy almost three whole days of her delicious company. I suspect I might weep with joy the entire time, because she is just the shiny, red cherry on my fantastically awesome week. I ADORE her. Expect several thousand pictures. I was thinking of doing like a photo an hour or something, a photo essay of every bit of my entire weekend or something. Fuck. Yes!

Riddle Me This?

11 Dec

  • Why do they make kebabs in different sizes? Granted, I don’t have them often but it seems regardless of whether I order a small or a regular, they are always massive. If they can only make one size, why not just HAVE one size and one price?? Surely it would make things easier.
  • Why do Christmas and school holidays make people bad drivers? I can’t tell whether it’s all the people who rarely go out who are now out in the traffic making life shit for other drivers, or if everyone is so stressed and distracted that no one concerns themselves with frivolous things like basic road safety. If there was ever a time of year that would drive me to become a public transport junkie, it’d be Christmas.
  • Why do I sneeze when I pluck my right eyebrow?
  • When did you stop believing in Santa? I don’t remember when I did, nor do I remember being particularly upset. I actually think I kinda just worked it out for myself when I was around 10.
  • How humid can it become before it just starts raining in your living room? I don’t know, but I imagine it’s pretty close to what Brisbane is at the moment. The air is thick and wet here at the moment, as soon as you leave the soothing comfort of an air conditioned place, it’s like someone has thrown a hot, wet blanket over you.
  • Why do people say things like “I love you” and “I’m sorry” when they really don’t mean it? It’s one thing to talk the talk, but it’s another to walk to walk. Anyone can say “I love you” but not everyone can show they love you. If you don’t know what to do that would show someone you love them, or don’t want to do the things that would show love, then just don’t say it. Same with sorry, don’t apologise when we both know that if you had the time again, things wouldn’t go down much differently. It’s just kinda insulting.
  • Why did I not dye my brows sooner? It’s kinda great. Ditto with tinting my lashes. I’ve had it done professionally and each time it’s hurt like a bitch. I did it myself yesterday and I didn’t hurt at all, and it made my lashes darker so it’s not like it didn’t work.
  • Are there any lesbians who don’t like utes and/or outdoor activities and water sports. I’ve been browsing online and every one of them seems to have some glaring grammatical error that I can’t handle or they are someone who seems like my polar opposite.  Surely there is some girl out there who doesn’t want to go 4wding and then follow things up with a rugby match and pies, or spend all day at some political rally then retire to a big vegan dinner with discussions about how bad police/politicians are. Does anyone just wanna go the brunch and read newspapers for a few hours? Or go eat someplace fun and then get pissy?  Are any of the people who wanna do this girls who are also into the ladiesssss.

All Filler, No Killer

2 Dec

  • I’ve been thinking about my “ideal life” post. It not something I wanna rush cause, dude, if you’re gonna be projecting every hope and dream you’ve got for your life out into the world for it all to come true, you don’t wanna miss anything, right?? I suspect it will be a rather epic post.
  • I’ve done some paper cuttings for my shop and I threw them up on Facebook as a bit of a tester. (P.S. If you’re a regular, we should be FB friends, you’re missing out on SO much, FB is what is causing the demise of the blog.) I sold four in a day! I think they are a winner. I am doing another market on Sunday and I’ll take some more then and see how it all goes. Hopefully well!
  • I’ve been using my Aura-Soma bottle for almost a week now. I hadn’t really noticed much of a difference so Joycelle suggested I amp things up a bit. I have felt things a bit more intensely under the new plan. I am having trouble using it as often as I should be, I tend to be in and out often during the day and it’s been super hot lately, so any non essential touching of skin has just been such an unattractive thought. Today felt better though, and I will be home more tomorrow so hopefully I’ll get a few more rounds done then.
  • One things I did realize today is how often I am complimented. Lately, it’s been on my tattoos (which is lovely and so much better than the usual “Is that a real tattoo?” or “Wow, that’s a lot of tattoos”) but today a cashier told me my haircut was really pretty. I often get told I have great skin, good teeth, cool hair or something about my tattoos or perfume (strangely enough, I can usually never smell it once I put it on, but everyone else still can). I always say thank you but then immediately dismiss it and today it just struck me how stupid that idea is. It’s not just people being nice, I often get true and sincere compliments but I never take any notice but around groups of guys or teenagers, I actively listen and expect something nasty to be said. It almost never happens, but in my mind I almost suggest things that they could pay me about about and just wait for it to happen. How fucking messed up is that?? Today it just really struck me that it was so kind of this girl to say she liked my hair and that she serves hundreds of people every day and she choose to open her mouth and say something nice to me, how can I immediately dismiss someone. I do truly believe that the majority of people are good and kind but I kind of assume that I should be treated badly, almost like I deserve to be paid out about everything. I am going to stop being so fucking horrible to myself and listen to what people are telling me. It sounds basic and blindingly obvious but I always need a lightbulb moment to see things properly.
  • I am pretty well ready to wave goodbye to 2009. Did anyone have a great year, this year? Pretty well everyone I’ve been talking to is so ready to see the arse end of this year. This year I moved back to Oz, started a masters, quit a masters, started a job, quit the job, did a quick run to NZ and came back and started a business. I also met Miss Jones which was an up, but now she’s gone and I’ve accepted that she’s as good as gone forever now, so that’s not awesome. It felt like this year had the potential for things to be great, but it never quite made it. In the next couple of weeks I’ll review my goals for 2009 and reveal my big plans for 2010 (not that I’ve made them just yet, but shhhh, I’ll have them ready soon!)
  • Last night I had a dream that I got into the course I wanted at uni and I showed up to my first day. It was 8am – 8pm on a Monday, with no breaks. I was ok with that. It involved a train ride deep into a forest, then we had to track our way back to the building. We had to climb over a big, thick barbed wire fence and climb though a hole in a wall. We then also had to care for babies, except the babies I had were twins….who each fit in the palm of my hand and would often jump out of my hands and crawl under tables and behind stuff. In the dream, none of this seemed particularly strange and, even weirder, none of this made me think “You know what? Fuck this, I don’t want to do this course” and the time I was thinking “YES, I am studying fashion, this is so fantastic, I can’t wait to get straight into the cool stuff”. Let’s just contrast this with the numerous times I would drive to uni to go to a tute or lecture and arrive to find a line to get a car space and then just drive home again because it was too much trouble to wait. I should find out if I’ve been accepted either this week or in 2 weeks time (depending when they do the offers for the courses I applied for. Please cross your fingers for me!?)

In the past…

26 Nov

As part of my onwarding and upwarding, I’m gonna do a big list of all the negative crap I used to carry around. Joycelle has sent my Aura-Soma bottle and it should arrive tomorrrow, so I’m gonna dump all this bullshit now so it’s gone and I am ready to become awesome. (Can I also just say how awesome Joycelle is? She doesn’t pay me to gush about her, I don’t sent her huge amounts of money every week with the promise that she will fix me or cure me. I just really respect what she does and value her insight and think it will help me get where I want to be. She’s just like a friend, except with some super cool skills and knowledge!) This has the potential to get a little bit D&M, so if you’re not in the mood, tune in tomorrow for the post about the shiny,happy version of my ideal existence!

So, here’s the junk I used to do/feel/think:

In the past I used to feel worthless. I used to work in jobs that I didn’t like and that didn’t make me feel good or happy or that I was good at what I was doing. I used to let these sorts of thing take away my self confidence and feelings of being a worthwhile person. I used to be afraid of what people thought about me, because of past experiences. I used to be terrified that even my best friends secretly didn’t like me or would laugh at me behind my back. I used to be terrified that I would have no friends and be left all alone. I used to do things I didn’t want to do for the sake of pleasing other people. I used to believe that I would always be single and never meet anyone else who’d want to be with me. I used to believe that I wasn’t worth coming back for and that I was easy to walk away from. I thought that I was nothing special and easily replaced. I used to think that the actions of some people were a reflection of the value they put on me, because I was enough to motivate people to do negative things and I deserved these things. I used to let mean things that other people said affect me and make me feel bad. I used to believe that no one would ever have a crush on me, or want to do lovely things for me or spend their life with me because I just wasn’t worth all that time and effort.

I used to not look after myself properly. I used to mismanage my time, I used to eat badly and not sleep properly. I used to believe I didn’t deserve to have nice things or to be successful or fulfilled because I wasn’t worth it. I used to self-sabotage constantly so that I was constantly filled with extreme doubt and anxiety.  I used to let myself get so worried I’d be physically ill and not think that I deserved to feel any other way. I used to let my mind convince me that depression was ok because I didn’t have any reasons to be happy anyways. I used to think that I’d never achieve my dreams because I was too disorganized, unmotivated and unintelligent to make it happen. I used to think that I’d never be successful because I just wasn’t the right sort of person to achieve success. I used to be intimated by lots of people but I felt so low in comparison to them.

Shiny

25 Nov

First Shiny: I ordered my Aura-Soma bottle today. Massively excited. Mostly just to see it, it’s just so beautiful and then it becomes magenta when the colors mix, so even more awesome. How can putting such beautifully colored stuff on you not be great for you? I expect to be richer, happier and more attractive in a matter of weeks :D

Second Shiny: I have a new barbel through one of my no-no places. Not in the lady garden region, I don’t want needles around there, thank you. One of the no-no places that boys have too, but girls are just less often seen showing them off in public. Why? Well, why not mostly. It looks awesome and seeing as I’m not getting any of that moment, an ideal time to have it all healing up. The lady who did it was very nice and good at distraction which I enjoy, but it hurt like a motherfucker. I felt the needle go in, the tube, the tube being trimmed, then the bar being threaded and the end screwed on. It wasn’t like unbearable or anything, but it wasn’t like a kitten sneezing. But having someone manhandle your boobage is rarely gentle, right? I only got one done to kick off with. I figure if I was horribly allergic or some other random affliction occurred, I’ve still got one nice one left. It’s not swollen, it’s not red or bloody or angry looking. It moved without sticking in the shower and didn’t sting when I cleaned it, I predict no trouble as previously piercings that have been trouble were angry from the get go. I did get a 50% off card so the second one is tempting. I’ll give this one a few weeks to sort itself out then I’ll set my sights on the other. It looks awesome, if I do say so myself. I would post pictures but I don’t really want pics of my rack circulating on the internet at large. If I could find some way of doing a private gallery or something, I’d consider it, but is that kinda creepy? Does anyone even want to see such things? There is no chance I’m just gonna link randoms, but if I know you then it’s cool, I anticipate showing interested parties in person so it’s not like ultra weird, right? Ahhhh, the great boobie pic debate of 2009.

In un-shiny news, I saw A Christmas Carol 3D today. It was so fucking odd, I imagine it would make more sense if you were really high or similarly altered. It’s also rather terrifying and there is absolutely no chance I’d be taking a child to see it. I do like 3D movies though, they advertised a Toy Story 1 & 2 double feature in 3d, I’ve never seen number 2 so it would be several kinds of fantastic. The over-inflated BCC movie price for 3D films were justified by the 3D previews, but only just. There is also no chance I’m recycling my 3D glasses either, bitches, not when I had to pay for them in the first place.

Upwards

23 Nov

I’m clawing my way out of the rut, little baby steps in the right direction.

I’ve decided to try some Aura-Soma with Joycelle (my all round go-to-gal). A while ago during a reading she had me pick some bottles, one of the ones I picked was like an indication that “your heart is still too overwhelmed by lack of true love to be open to receive direction yet”. This is totally spot on, unrequited love was also mentioned and everyone knows if there is one thing I excel at, it’s loving someone who can’t or won’t or just doesn’t love me back. I’m still bogged down in it. I’m not in love with Miss Jones anymore, I had to stop that when she moved overseas for my own sanity. There were a couple of revelations this weekend (let’s say) which would have absolutely destroyed me if I hadn’t done this, so I’m really glad I did but I still love her. I still need more distance from her, I need to try and believe I can meet someone else and be happy with someone else and I think this might help with that. It’s also related to a heap of other things, and my massive need to search out things or people or relationships to make me happy and feeling worthwhile because I can’t do it for myself.

I know it’s not for everyone and some people see it as a very expensive bottle of oil but I’m open minded and if nothing else it’s a really, really beautiful bottle of amazingly prettily colored oil, so that alone works for me. I was skeptical about crystals until they gave me a massive migraine and sucked all my energy because I was wearing too many and the wrong combination of them, so I am happy to see what happens with this.

In other news, I applied to uni next year. My grand plan is to be offered a place in the dual degree program, then if I get my market running properly, I could do one each weekend and then I could afford to not have to work during the week. Unless I have a whole day free the Magic Shop wouldn’t really work anymore because there is no real way that half day shifts would work. I actually love doing markets, I had such fun at the one I did earlier this month. I was much less terrified than I expected to be and I actually did pretty well considering the minute turn out. I imagine in an actual market setting I could do even better, it was exciting.

Retrospective

20 Nov

I first started blogging in April of 2006. Seeing as it’s now November in 2009, that is about three and a half years of blogging. For a while there I was a post-a-day blogger so it really adds up to be mind boggling amount of my life that has been plastered over the internet.

The blogsphere has changed to much in that time. All of the bloggers who were around when I first started have almost all dropped off the radar. Many of the bloggers I used to read (or still do read) are no longer anonymous writers but are people I count as some of my closest friends. I’ve been published in a book, referenced in assignments, and told you the stories of my day to day life, however insignifcant or mundane.

For the last couple of weeks I was seriously considering walking away from this. Surely, at 26, now I should be doing something more worthwhile. No one will want to read my shit anymore, right? This morning when I logged into WordPress for the first time in weeks, and checked my stats for the first time in many months, I was surprised to see my hits. I get between 50 -70 hits a day. I know for most bloggers that number would hardly be an incentive to open their laptops, but that number blows me away. I’ve had my glory days of a couple hundred hits a day but I truly believed that no one aside fom Jac (whom I speak to at least every couple of days) and Miss Jones (whom I don’t catch online often) checked the blog anymore.

I think in the last few months I have been sliding into a rut. I thought I had sorted it all out a couple weeks ago but that was hugely premature.  Nothing is massively wrong, but nothing is right either. After a great first couple of weeks, I’ve let my store go to shit, I gave up bootcamp because it was making me unhappy but haven’t replaced it with anything else yet, I’ve been wasting a massive amount of time online because it seemed far too difficult to do anything worthwhile.

I’m gonna apply for uni next year. Back as an undergraduate to do creative industries majoring in fashion with a minor in creative and professional writing. Might also combine it with a Bachelor of Business. It will be useful for my business to do these things, and I’ve just always wanted to, so why not, right? I’m gonna get my business back on track and start creating again. Not making stuff makes me fee bad, and when I feel bad I can’t create things but I’m just gonna start off and make some shit stuff until I get my flow back. Gonna sort out what I am eating too. I have become super lazy and I’m not eating well or properly and it makes me feel like shit and when I feel like shit I don’t want to be bothered to do anything. If I eat lots of carbs or dairy my tummy bloats and I feel ugly so that doesn’t help anything either. I’m just kind of stuck in a cycle of feeling bad, doing things that don’t make me feel any better because I can’t be bothered to do anything else and thus feeling worse.

So yeah, I’m just gonna get back on track. I know shit won’t sort itself in a week, but one foot in front of the other in the right direction is better than doing nothing. Not sure what the point of this post was really? I suppose it was just a check in, for me and anyone else who checks by here. I know stuff has been shit, it’s also been shit off the blog as well so it’s not just this that has suffered, but I’m trying to get stuff back on track.

Bear with me.

 

 

Mini Filler

9 Nov

  • This is the FOURTH birthday I’ve spent with my blog! It’s far and away my most long term relationship. Who would have thought in 2006 I’d still be plugging away? Certainly not me!
  • So, yes, birthday. Kind of a massive non-event. Spent some time on FB, playing Solitaire and occasionally doing some actual work at the Magic Shop. I lost power for an hour or so in the morning, so I sat at the counter and read a magazine. Tough life, right?
  • I am so fucking tired, so I’ll give you the highlights and elaborate in the next couple of days. 1) Did a market, it was tiny but good. I’m inspired to do a proper one now. 2) Tattoos this week, EEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee 3) Party this week, double EEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee 4) Earning money is great 5) I am busy!

A Unique Investment Opportunity

30 Oct

Earlier this week, before I found out I was employed, I had a cry on FB about having to cancel my birthday tattoo. A beautiful fellow blogger suggested I might put a donation button on my blog, so interested parties could throw me a couple of bucks. While the idea that other people would want to part with their money simply for something I want is totally lovely, it didn’t quite sit right with me. The idea of asking people for money just makes me feel so bad!

During the week a couple of other people mentioned they’d also be keen, and that I should do it. In the past, quite a few people have overpaid when buying things from my shop, simply because they just like the blog and wanted to do something nice and pay an extra few bucks. However, let me be the first to announce there are far more worthy causes than my frivolous wants and needs. People can’t afford medicine and food and things, so I do actually realize how incredibly privileged I am simply by being born a white person, living in a capital city in Australia. On the other hand, who am I to dictate what people spend their money on? I wouldn’t want someone to tell me what to do with the money I earn, and I can spend it as I please.

Let me explain my idea. I am going to get my half sleeve on my left arm started in a couple of weeks. It’s going to be candy/cupcake themed and is going to be super bright, happy, colorful and girly. I have left it in the hands of my very capable and talented tattoo artist as to the ultimate placement and arrangement of things, but I trust his ideas so it’s all fine. In between the larger pieces, I am going to have smaller “filler” type stuff – little candies, maybe some stars, just stuff I like that will add to the overall fun of the piece as a whole. This has always been the plan, it’s been in the works for months and has been booked for several weeks now, so it has always been something I was going to do.

So here’s what I am suggesting. As a purely optional pursuit, you may donate to the tattoo fund. You can donate $1 or $1000 or anything in between, or nothing at all. Any donations won’t buy my friendship, respect, loyalty, links to your blog, pimping of whatever you are trying to sell or anything like that.  I’m friends with my friends, I respect people who deserve respect and I’ll link you if are you cool (although, I am severely overdue to update my links, so I may well link you if you donate, but I may also link you if you don’t!). For donations of $40 or more, I am offering a unique experience for you to be part of my arm. If you donate $40 or more, I’ll let you choose 1 piece of candy to include as filler in my half sleeve. It will just be 1 piece of candy (like an M&M, jellybean, gummi bear, etc), it can be whatever color you like so long as it’s bright and colorful (and my artist has the color) and will be no larger than 2cm x 2cm. There is no claiming placements or anything like that, if you want a candy it will just be put whatever the artist thinks it will look best. You don’t get to write shit on the candy, you don’t get to choose random objects and nothing weird or creepy or anything like that. You get to pick one small piece of candy, choose a traditional color for said candy (no polka dotted jellybeans, for example) and have it included somewhere in the half sleeve. If you want to donate and don’t want to pick anything that’s ok as well, I won’t force anyone to do it :)

The link is below, if you’d like to donate, please go ahead. If you don’t want to, simply read on, no hard feelings. Whether I get no donations or 1503 donations, I’m gonna get this tattoo, this will simply provide some additional funds towards to project. If you donate and “buy” a candy, I’m happy to post you a picture of it once it’s all done and colored so you can have some evidence of your “purchase”, if you’d like that just leave your address in the comments section in PayPal.


***If you want to hate, please just jog on. I don’t care to hear it. If you don’t like tattoos, don’t donate. I am a consenting adult of legal age. I have several other tattoos and I will get more after this piece. I have my work done in a clean, licensed parlor by an amazing, experienced artist whom I trust completely. I am prepared to be an old lady with a wrinkled, droopy half sleeve. I understand the impact this may have on employment opportunities. I know only prostitutes and drug dealers have tattoos, and no nice boys will want girls with tattoos. I don’t know why I want to permanently mark myself, it’s not because I hate my parents, it’s not to try and be cool and it’s not to look tough. I guess I just like something that the majority of the population doesn’t seem overly keen on, but that doesn’t make it wrong or bad, it just makes it different. My skin, not yours. ***

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